Should the man always pay for the engagement ring?!

Person_one

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I don't think that you give beautiful rings to second class citizens - rather to those who you love and want to be with.

And people hang onto whatever they can relate to - such as formal proposals and engagement rings, in majority of cases.

Material goods are no indicator of equality! Look at the expensive clothing of Victorian women bought by men, look at the gold jewellery worn by women in the Middle East bought by men.

Plans_all_plans

Not at all. At the time, my husband was earning £15k and he managed to save £1000 to buy me an engagement and wedding ring from the place I wanted them from, as they were able to give me reassurances on their sourcing.

High street jewellers charging over 3k for a ring couldn't tell me where the gold/diamonds were coming from when I asked their sales staff, so I wouldn't have bought a ring there even if he could've afforded a 3k ring.

It may be that their staff were poorly trained and that they do source responsibly, but I wasn't happy with the fact they didn't know when asked.

I'm not materialistic one iota.

Person_one

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I personally wanted to know that the gold/diamond in the ring I was getting was ethically sourced from responsible mines and I wouldn't have accepted less.

I spoke to a number of high street jewellers and none of them could guarantee me this and the sales ataff seemed poorly equipped to answer my questions on this issue.

It is not just Argos I don't like, but any jeweller that can't give me the information I require in this area.

Google 'ethical engagement ring' or 'eco engagement ring', I'm seeing a fair few cheaper results.

euronorris

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I don't think that you give beautiful rings to second class citizens - rather to those who you love and want to be with.

And people hang onto whatever they can relate to - such as formal proposals and engagement rings, in majority of cases.

You do if you want them to do x, y or z, and you know they like beautiful rings. It's motivation, in a way.

If you love the guy, why does he have to buy you a nice ring before you agree to marry him?

No one said they can't hold onto the tradition, but that doesn't make holding onto something simply because it's a tradition, a good reason to do so.

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

Won't 'let'? Hmm, bigger issues...;)

Well he can wear what the hell he likes, but he won't get any if he comes near me wearing jewellery...

onlyroz

shellsuit wrote: »

Surely it's the symbol of the ring that means the most, not what stone, carat and metal it is?!

Exactly, and the symbolism is to mark a woman as property.

Birdie85

My husband wouldn't have let me chip in for my ring, he's far too proud and has the traditional view that he had to present me with a ring when he proposed. Luckily he'd been saving so could afford a ring but we picked it out together and I made sure that I chose one within a decent price range. I didn't think it was very fair making him spend *too* much on a ring when we were just about to move into our first home together and the surplus savings could be used to buy essentials! DH said that had I bought my own ring (like a friend of ours did) he'd have found it terribly emasculating.

DH's best friend has recently gotten engaged but his fiancee bought her own ring before he'd even asked. Her parents were going to Dubai so she gave them £2500 out of her savings to get a 1ct diamond set in platinum, the resoning being that it would have cost £4k to buy them same thing here. She then said that the ring was ready for him whenever he wanted to propose with it! :eek: I have to say that IMO that reeks of desperation and had I been the guy I'd have run for the hills!

I think there's a happy medium and if there's a certain ring you *really* want then offer to chip in, but some men might not like the thought of not being able to provide his future wife with the perfect diamond. I'd probably be more sneaky about it and offer to pay for other bills etc to free up a bit of his cash for a few months so he can save up and pay for it himself.

Plans_all_plans

Well all those who are against engagement rings because they feel they are "demeaning to women" - you don't have to wear one. And I would hope that your future husbands will not propose with rings.

For those of us who don't see engagement rings like that, we can wear them.

The bottom line is that all of us expect our intended to know what we like and what we are against, so the fact that I don't want a ring from Argos, is the same as you saying you don't want a ring. We have certain expectations and ideas and want to know that our future husband can respect and understand that.

claire16c

I think its just down to the couple. If a woman wants to chip in, so that she can get a ring she prefers, then why not? Who cares what anyone else thinks other than you and your partner.

I was prepared to give some money towards my ring, because I do have expensive taste Im not going to lie, and have always loved wearing rings, so when I got an engagement one I wanted to get rid off all the others and just wear that one special ring.

My husband knew thats what I wanted, and saved for a quite a long time so I could have it. When we were in the shop he told me what my budget was and I could pick what I wanted - the ring I loved fell within the budget, but if it had not, then I would have just said I wanted to contribute. After all, its me that gets to wear it - hopefully forever, so why shouldnt it be something I love, and if that had meant I had had to pay for some of it, then so be it. Luckily for me I just didnt need to !

catkins

Fly_Baby wrote: »

You seem to have a thing against "old fashioned" - whereas it is as valid an approach as "new fashioned".

I believe strongly in marriage which a lot of people think is old fashioned and I also believe infidelity is wrong which, again, a lot of people think is old fashioned.

I do not however understand what is wrong in a woman paying towards an engagement ring especially if she wants something her boyfriend would struggle to pay for.