Should the man always pay for the engagement ring?!

neverdespairgirl

I wouldn't like being presented with a ring - after all, I'm going to wear it, I want to choose it!

In our case, I think (from memory) that OH actually technically paid for it, but we don't have his money and my money, we have joint finances anyway.

We decided to go to a place where we could design the rings (incl. wedding rings) ourselves, and choose our stones / metal / shape / everything. So I've got a ring I absolutely love, and the wedding ring matches in metal and shape.

wherediditallgothen

Person_one wrote: »

In these days of sexual equality, why is the man not expected to show any external sign of being 'taken'?

He is. It's just very subtle that's all. The sign is that he's not allowed out of the house without his wife except to go to work!

BugglyB

onlyroz wrote: »

I have just asked my husband his opinion on this and he says that he would be deeply insulted if a woman offered to pay for all or part of her engagement ring. He is of the view that a ring is a gift and a promise, and that if a woman is not satisfied by what her fianc! gives her, then she's marrying the wrong man.

There are very few things that would 'deeply insult' me so I find perhaps your husband is a little faint of heart

However you are right about marrying the wrong man, its horses for courses and each to their own really isn't it.

BugglyB

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I don't need to apply equality anywhere - you do that since you seem very focused on that. I earn the same as my husband, we share household chores and childcare, our careers are important to each of us, we have the same attitude to fidelity - and that's equal enough for me.

You want to go after your man, propose to him and buy yourself a ring and call yourself an equal partner. I want my man to go after me, propose to me and buy me a ring and treat me like a woman I am.

Whatever makes us happy - and may I add that NONE of the really independent and successful women whom I have known in my life ever proposed to their man, let alone buy their own ring - it is absolutely unimaginable among my peers which is why I was so amused by this whole thread.

No truly independent person (male or female) would ever get married anyway. We are in marriage as in most things inter-dependent and its up to partners to decide who buys the ring, who looks after the children and so on.

'Absolutely unimaginable' denotes a lack of imagination as I think if you try really hard you could perhaps imagine such a scenario.

euronorris

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I don't need to apply equality anywhere - you do that since you seem very focused on that. I earn the same as my husband, we share household chores and childcare, our careers are important to each of us, we have the same attitude to fidelity - and that's equal enough for me.

You want to go after your man, propose to him and buy yourself a ring and call yourself an equal partner. I want my man to go after me, propose to me and buy me a ring and treat me like a woman I am.

Whatever makes us happy - and may I add that NONE of the really independent and successful women whom I have known in my life ever proposed to their man, let alone buy their own ring - it is absolutely unimaginable among my peers which is why I was so amused by this whole thread.

I didn't say I wanted to go after my man and propose to him. I have no intention of being married at all. I'm just saying that if someone does want to get married, the responsibility for proposing and paying for an engagement ring, shouldn't fall entirely on the man's shoulders. If you want it that badly, there is absolutely no reason why you couldn't do it yourself, other than 'I want him to'. IMO, you are saying 'I want equality here, but I don't want equality here'. ANd you have no reason to ask for that, other than it's what you want. It's not because it would be wrong for you to do it, or you can't do it, it's just your choice.

And I know independant, succesful women who have proposed to their man, and some who've bought their own ring, some who's not bothered with a ring, and plenty of others who have simply remained in a committed relationship without the wedding part. That doesn't prove my point though. Neither does your exampled prove yours. It's anecdotal.

Kimberley82

We shared money from 2 weeks after we met so the engagement ring was from our money.

I think people fuss about it too much, after 11 years of marriage the ring isnt important, out life together is.

Fly_Baby

euronorris wrote: »

I'm just saying that if someone does want to get married, the responsibility for proposing and paying for an engagement ring, shouldn't fall entirely on the man's shoulders.

That's just your opinion - in my opinion, this is one of the few things which should fall entirely on the man's shoulders.

euronorris wrote: »

If you want it that badly, there is absolutely no reason why you couldn't do it yourself, other than 'I want him to'. IMO, you are saying 'I want equality here, but I don't want equality here'. ANd you have no reason to ask for that, other than it's what you want.

I didn't make up the whole engagement ritual - somebody came up with it before me and I am happy to follow it. I don't "want a ring that badly" - if I want some ring I buy it for myself, like many things in life, but not my engagement ring, and it has nothing to do with me being greedy - it is a matter of principle.

euronorris wrote: »

And I know independant, succesful women who have proposed to their man, and some who've bought their own ring, some who's not bothered with a ring, and plenty of others who have simply remained in a committed relationship without the wedding part. That doesn't prove my point though. Neither does your exampled prove yours. It's anecdotal.

OK.