Should the man always pay for the engagement ring?!

Fly_Baby

Person_one wrote: »

Um, I don't know about 'hung up' but of course I believe that gender equality is an important goal we should all be aiming for. Don't all reasonably intelligent women?

Yes, but that translates into equal employment rights, equal pay, equal parental rights - not into paying for your engagement ring. What next? Women insisting on surrogates and refusing breastfeeding because men cannot give birth and nurse babies? Women giving men flowers and courting them? No thank you - a reasonably intelligent woman knows where equality stops and gender differences begin.

Person_one

Fly_Baby wrote: »

Yes, but that translates into equal employment rights, equal pay, equal parental rights - not into paying for your engagement ring. What next? Women insisting on surrogates and refusing breastfeeding because men cannot give birth and nurse babies? Women giving men flowers and courting them? No thank you - a reasonably intelligent woman knows where equality stops and gender differences begin.

I'm invoking the rule that states that as soon as somebody introduces 'what next?' into a discussion, the useful and interesting portion of it has passed.

jamespir

if he proposes yes if the woman proposes she should buy

Fly_Baby

euronorris wrote: »

I know. We are different in many ways, but also equal in many more.

And there is absolutely no reason why you cannot be his equal in the relationship. To be anything else devalues your worth as a person, imo.

We are equal partners but we are also a man and a woman in this relationship. I just don't see how him making a proposal (not me to him) and me accepting his ring (not him from me) makes us unequal.

That's the bottom line of our disagreement, I suppose.

Ada_Doom

Fly_Baby wrote: »

I am genuinely alarmed by your post - which school did you go to?

Which bit of her post alarmed you? And which school? That made me laugh out loud! And really, women can go after men you know. Tis not all fluttering your eyelashes at the squires son from behind a fan.....

GracieP

Ada_Doom wrote: »

Which bit of her post alarmed you? And which school? That made me laugh out loud!

Me too.:rotfl:

On second thoughts maybe when I said I didn't want to be "stiffing" my partner she thought I didn't want him to be attracted to me. That would be quite alarming.:rotfl:

onlyroz

I have just asked my husband his opinion on this and he says that he would be deeply insulted if a woman offered to pay for all or part of her engagement ring. He is of the view that a ring is a gift and a promise, and that if a woman is not satisfied by what her fianc! gives her, then she's marrying the wrong man.

euronorris

Fly_Baby wrote: »

We are equal partners but we are also a man and a woman in this relationship. I just don't see how him making a proposal (not me to him) and me accepting his ring (not him from me) makes us unequal.

That's the bottom line of our disagreement, I suppose.

It doesn't make you unequal. The reasons behind wanting that proposal, and insisting that a man must be the one to propose and also must pay for the ring, is what makes it unequal.

There is absolutely no reason for you not to be equal in this area, other than 'you don't want to be'. Which is fine, but be careful about picking and choosing where you wish equality to apply and where you don't wish it to apply.

rachbc

My husband and I decided together to get married - no 'proposal' - though after we'd talked about it he did then ask me to marry him..I said yes, he bought me a ring (antique, much less than amonths wages), I wanted to buy him a watch but we couldn't find one. I didn't feel owned at all. We exchanged wedding rings - his cost 10 times what mine did yet unfortunately he had an massive allergic reaction to it, causing a burn like red welt to scar onto his ring finger - he no longer wears the ring but instead is 'branded' - cue many jokes abotu being allergic to marriage etc!!

if he hadn't have been able to afford a ring I would have, gone without, or waited, or I'd have really wanted one have chipped in - I think any of those is ok depending on how the couple feel!

Fly_Baby

euronorris wrote: »

It doesn't make you unequal. The reasons behind wanting that proposal, and insisting that a man must be the one to propose and also must pay for the ring, is what makes it unequal.

There is absolutely no reason for you not to be equal in this area, other than 'you don't want to be'. Which is fine, but be careful about picking and choosing where you wish equality to apply and where you don't wish it to apply.

I don't need to apply equality anywhere - you do that since you seem very focused on that. I earn the same as my husband, we share household chores and childcare, our careers are important to each of us, we have the same attitude to fidelity - and that's equal enough for me.

You want to go after your man, propose to him and buy yourself a ring and call yourself an equal partner. I want my man to go after me, propose to me and buy me a ring and treat me like a woman I am.

Whatever makes us happy - and may I add that NONE of the really independent and successful women whom I have known in my life ever proposed to their man, let alone buy their own ring - it is absolutely unimaginable among my peers which is why I was so amused by this whole thread.