Pocketmoney Discussion Thread

pandora205

I stopped giving my elder two pocket money at age 16 when I said they could get a part time job for spare cash. They have clothes, board, transport and lunches provided so really don't need much anyway. I haven't gone back on this.

My daughter (now 19) got a job in BHS and had her own spending money.

My son (16) so far hasn't. If he misbehaves I cut back on lifts as I'm often a taxi service.

I do give him money if he does extra jobs like mowing the lawn or washing the car but he is expected to keep his room tidy, etc anyway.

Lavendyr

At 15 I got £60 per month, which I had to buy everything with (apart from school clothes). That was plenty for me. However it sounds like your daughter has some problems. I'm not sure taking the money away would be a good thing necessarily, but certainly I wouldn't give her any more. Most kids do the "all my friends get X" at some point but it doesn't mean it's true.

In addition, you might like to remind her that she is nearly 16 and will easily be able to get a part-time job at that point to earn some more money if she wants it. I cleared an average of £200 per month working 7 hours a week when I was 16-18 (double pay on Sundays is a good thing ). Out of that I had to pay for my own driving lessons, clothes, birthday/Xmas presents, food at weekends and so on. I am a firm believer that teenagers are far far more likely to have an appreciation of the true value of money when they have actually had to work to earn it. When she turns 16, if she is still pestering for more pocket money, tell her to go and earn some for herself - you may find that she suddenly becomes much more careful with it, because she has had to work for it. Until then, I wouldn't budge.

elisebutt65

There's a lot more unsaid here than the £30 pw. Your daughter is starting to abuse you now.

You both need to sit down and talk this out together - like someone mentioned - parenting classes may help - or even some relationship counselling. She needs to understand that you have to go out and work to keep up the standard of living and if that means you're not always there, then so be it.

Never mind the other parents give their kids more thing - all kids say this:rolleyes: And really she has to get a job!!! Personally I would cut off ALL funds until she gets off her bum and starts to learn the value of money.

My DS is 13 now and he gets £3.00 per week as he does a paper round for £17 per week. He puts the cheque into his bank account and takes out a fiver for fun money and that's it - We went into the Abbey this week to upgrade to the new higher interest account for teens as he worked out he can get £120 per year for just letting the money sit there - LOL. I buy his clothes - usually TK Maxx and if he wants anything else then he saves up and gets it himself. I top up his phone with a tenner every 6 months and that's all he uses. He uses my phone - free minutes to call his Dad and arrange time with him.

At 15 she should not be drinking and as you're a social worker - aren't you having qualms about this???? Maybe you are working a tad too hard and should spend at least 1 day a month having Mum and daughter time and this is why she's acting out?

sturll

Bloody hell £30!

I didnt know in the UK we had paper money until i left school and got myself a job!

:rotfl:

amandada

paulwellerfan wrote: »

she refuses to get a paper round and tells me that all her friends parents give their children at least this amount.
i feel a failure with my own child to say the least and dont know how to turn it around.

She has you exactly where she wants you-there's no way on this earth you can be called a failure with your child-it looks like all you have ever done has been with her interests at heart.

As for her telling you that all her friends get this amount of money from their parents, don't you remember doing the "but mum EVERYONE else gets xxx"-because I certainly do!

For her to get her £30 a week, does she realise that YOU have to EARN £40 to be able to give her that?

Try not to give into the guilt-you really don't sound as if you have anything to be guilty about.

ooobedoo

I think that £30 per week is far to much and seriously doubt that all her friends get this amount...nothing like a good dose of emotional blackmail.........

If you don't make her work for it, she will not respect you. Is there any ways that you could spendless on her, and spend more time on her? How isshe getting into clubs, and is it your money that is getting her in there?

If you give her this amount of money if she does all the washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking but if she gets it and oesn't do anything then you simply are not preparing her for life. Then she will blame you for that!!

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

Hey,

My niece is 13 and is coming to live with us soon. This is how we've decided to sort out pocket money:

£5 a week, with another £5 a week if she completes her chores (probably washing up twice a week, along with taking care of her clothes and room). This will be paid directly into a bank account and she can withdraw funds when we go into town - saves her splurging on sweets on the way to school. This is for going out, CDs, toiletries beyong the basics.

In addition to that, we'll be giving her a monthly clothing allowance - probably around £35, kept by us until it needs spending so it doesn't go on anything else. This will have to cover all her clothes and shoes bar school uniform and we will be shopping with her most of the time to make sure she buys essentials e.g. winter coat.

We will be encouraging her to put money into a savings account accessible when she is 18 by matching what she puts in (on her income, it won't be back breaking!).

LillyJ

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart wrote: »

Hey,

My niece is 13 and is coming to live with us soon. This is how we've decided to sort out pocket money:

£5 a week, with another £5 a week if she completes her chores (probably washing up twice a week, along with taking care of her clothes and room). This will be paid directly into a bank account and she can withdraw funds when we go into town - saves her splurging on sweets on the way to school. This is for going out, CDs, toiletries beyong the basics.

In addition to that, we'll be giving her a monthly clothing allowance - probably around £35, kept by us until it needs spending so it doesn't go on anything else. This will have to cover all her clothes and shoes bar school uniform and we will be shopping with her most of the time to make sure she buys essentials e.g. winter coat.

We will be encouraging her to put money into a savings account accessible when she is 18 by matching what she puts in (on her income, it won't be back breaking!).

A 13 year old is a little less independant than a 15 year old though, they grow up massively between those ages. A 15 year old is likely to sometimes go shopping for clothes alone, (and should - to learn to budget), and will need more in the way of bus fares to friend's houses etc. (unless they live somewhere where they can walk everywhere!).
However I do think that they need to earn this money (most if not all of it). I used to go for meals with friends when I was 15, with money I had earnt and I felt grown up, and my Mum treated me as a grown up.
I think if I had still had "pocket money" at that time I would have felt like a silly child. And because I was earning my Mum didn't mind treating me to the odd item of clothing in the sales, or a coffee when we went shopping (which she still does to this day!).

She never resented giving me money as I never asked for it, and I still sometimes get a little parcel in the post when she has seen a nice top or something in the sales which she thinks would suit me. And I am 23!

pinkshoes

paulwellerfan wrote: »

the £30 a week came in to it as i did not have the time to shop for her clothes on a weekly basis plus there is also an element of pocket money in there. i wanted to try to teach her to budget for her self. however this weekend she has gone through the £30 plus more on just one night out with her friends. she refuses to get a paper round and tells me that all her friends parents give their children at least this amount.
i feel a failure with my own child to say the least and dont know how to turn it around.

You can turn it around by talking to your daughter and making her understand the value of money.

Ask her to write a list of the clothes that she will feasibly NEED in a year, and how much they realistically cost i.e:

2 x jeans @ £25 each
2 x skirts @ £25 each
3 x tshirts @ £15 each
3 x jumpers @ £25 each
2 x Shoes @ £40 each
1 x Coat @ £50
7 x socks @ £3 each
7 x undies @ £3 each
3 x bras @ £10 each
make up & beauty products £60

TOTAL £702/year

So £13.50 a week in total, which sounds reasonable to me. The list is compiled of basic costs, so if she wants one pair of designer jeans, she can sacrifice the other pair of jeans and a jumper and a pair of shoes. It's HER choice.

As for the rest of her spending money, this can be earnt by either getting a job, or doing chores around the house i.e. 1 hour of cleaning for £5 etc...

By making HER compile the list of what she needs and how much it costs, along with having to earn any money for extras, then it might make her understand the real value of money.

It worked for me and my brother. I used to stash all mine, bought very cheap clothes from charity shops, then bought myself fantastic walkman!

lauren_1

I think you are being very fair, she has more than ample allowance, just to add after the bills $30 is all we have and that has to clothe a whole family.