Pocketmoney Discussion Thread

Chloe5

Would have to say the money to my mind isn't the problem here. Although I think £30 is excessive, I do know that many of my son's friends probably get similar.

I think your daughter isn't spending enough time with you and your family/network of friends. A bit of community would go a long way here and she probably wouldn't spend so much money then - wouldn't be enough time.

yoni_one

First of all congratulations on getting you and DD out of a dangerous and abusive relationship when she was so young - that takes enormous courage and determination.

Second of all, congratulations on succeeding at Uni - it is no easy task at the best of times but as a lone parent even harder. And you hardly picked a doddle of a course either did you?

Third of all, congratulations on finding a good job that enables you to support you and your daughter.

If you had stuck it out with your abusive partner where would you be now, and do you think your daughter's biggest concern would be how on earth she can manage on £30 a week?????

You feel guilty for taking her away from her dad, but do you feel guilty for taking her away from the abuse and keeping her safe?

You feel guilty for working long hours, but do you feel guilty for providing for your family and finally being in a position where you can afford to give your DD £30 a week?

I was so concerned to read you feel a failure with your own child, you have been a great role model for her. My mum went back in to education like you did, I didn't thank her at the time because she wasn't at my beck and call, but nowadays I have more respect for her than any other person I know.

Did anyone tell you that 15 is a horrible horrible age when even the most sweet of kids can morph in to some kind of monster that believes everyone and everything orbits around them and only them. I could hardly believe how much I disliked my son when he was 15, he was old enough and big enough and wise enough to know my crumple buttons and boy did he jump on them daily. And it is really hard to stay consistently strong, especially if you have little or no support. At its worse I would have chucked money at him if I thought it would bring even temporary relief and had I been able to afford it. I am so pleased now that was not an option.

Your daughter is pushing you and you need to find the reserve to resist and be the adult, you have already demonstrated you are a woman of great determination and ability.

Of course it is fair for her to have to buy her clothes out of the money you provide so stick to your guns and do not buy her clothes, regardless of how she chooses to spend the money. The life lesson will be a good one.

And the good news is this phase she is going through wont last forever.

Once again well done on all you have achieved so far.

x-shysteria-x

£30 pounds a week? are you serious. I don't believe in giving children money for nothing, because in this day and age they don't realize that you need to work for what you want, they expect everything for nothing. Nothing falls in your lap from heaven. I have a 16 year old who from the age of ten did little household chores to earn some money, and if she didn't do the chores, she didn't get paid - simple as. She has stopped doing my household chores because "she is not my slave" - her words. Fair enough, I can do my own work, but she soon realized, I am not her slave either. We all live in one house and have to share chores. The last laugh was on me. However, she is now in 6th year, does the odd babysitting jobs, has a Saturday morning job tidying boats for holiday makers, a Saturday afternoon job collecting glasses in a pub and a Sun job doing waitressing - she is now saving her money to pay for her own driving lessons. (I will probably pay half) I hope to think that I have taught her well for the future. But then again, as parents, do we always get it right.

Mum, from the old school - who has been through hard times and survived.

mjburton

Chloe5 I agree with you totally - she's a teenager that has not yet learnt how to adequately express herself. She knows she is being essentially bought off and she feels she is worth more than this.

I'm not disagreeing that £30 a week pocket money is not more than enough - I got similar but I worked for it doing all sorts such as helping out on market stalls, various shops, chores etc - if it's truly about the money she can get a Saturday job and earn it if she wanted but it all seems like a demand for attention and being valued.

I admire the fact that poster has worked so hard to improve the situation for them both and has achieved what they have but perhaps the daughter is not totally to blame for the behaviour she is displaying. Teenagers are often difficult to live with - they don't communicate as well as adults (usually!) but are expected to have the reasoning skills and experience to effectively communicate with adults (and this is all said knowing I was a nightmare teenager and now able to see it from my parents perspective too). Give the girl the time rather than the money.

I don't mean to sound harsh but everyone just seems to be saying ungrateful child when there seems to be more behind this than greed.

Northern_girl_2

As others have said £30 a week is quite a lot; anymore than that and it's going to be a massive shock when she starts working for it and/or moves out of the family home.

Thinking back to when I was at University 4 years ago and had to budget out of my student loan I think I had £55 a week (term time only - no money left for the holidays...except what I could earn while also trying to save for the next term). That was after accommodation and fixed bills - £55 a week was for food, books, mobile phone, clothes and going out. It was more than possible and I managed to have a decent social life.

Mind, I'm still building up my wardrobe for work after 4 years of not buying any new clothes and I still haven't had a foreign holiday.

Paparika

ooo back in the 80's when i was a teenager (well in fact all my childhood) I didn't get any pocket money and all my clothes were hand me downs, but at 13 i got a paper round and then when legally allowed to i got Saturday shop jobs.

I did spend the money on gifts for my parents, but it was mine to spend.

At 15 i would say she should learn the value of money and go earn it, she'll soon suss out how expensive a mobile is to have

misses

Any ideas on a pocket monet chart for my daughter and how much is substantial???

karen_newcastle

How old is your daughter?

foreversomeday

It depends on some factors - her age, and what you would like her to be able to buy with the money are the most important. Younger children don't need as much money because the things they buy are generally cheaper - they're not interested in CDs as much as sweets!

For example, will she be expected to buy her own toiletries? Clothes? School supplies? Does she get lifts or use public transport to meet her friends?

I think if she's old enough to be buying her own essentials, it's a useful lesson in budgeting. However if you usually just buy her toiletries, school things etc, with the weekly shop that might not be practical. There's also the problem she might spend it all on something else and then not be able to afford the essentials - you might want to think about what you would do then - perhaps ask her to do some extra jobs around the house to earn the extra money required?

If she's younger or the money is going to just be for luxuries like toys, sweets and magazines, think about what you think would be acceptable for her to be able to buy each week - perhaps a magazine and 2 chocolate bars, which would work out at about £3 or £4? If you want to encourage her to save, consider increasing it to £5 or £6 - then she can save £1-£5 and still have enough to spend.

PS Could you explain what you mean by a chart? Do you mean a rewards/fines system for good behaviour/jobs completed/bad behaviour?

tessie_bear

i think it depends on what she is suppose to buy with it