Pocketmoney Discussion Thread

arthur_dent_2

I get £20 a week from my husband for (me + 2 children) clothes, toys, sweets, birthday presents (thiers and parties) etc, and anything else I may want to buy that is considered above the basics.

To be honest I would love a payrise of 50%

suki1964

I used to give SD the family allowance(around £60 a month) and for that she had to keep her own room clean and tidy, hoover the stairs and landing weekly, set and clear the dinner table daily. From that she had to buy her own clothes, make up, toiletries, top ups etc and we paid for school stuff and treated her for good grades in stats/mocks etc. I thought it would help teach her budget and understand that she couldnt spend all her money on fags and top ups if she wanted a social life as well

Sounded good - till I found hubby was slipping her the odd 20 here and there out of guilt for never being enough of a parent

Now at 21 and a single mother, she still spends other peoples money like its going out of fashion. She thinks that the world owes her a living and as a single mother she can sit on her backside, smoking and going out pubbing at the weekends on tax payers money.

Finally hubby has wised up when he realised she had more disposable income then us and yet we were the ones paying out for everything the GC needed.

Throwing money at a child because you feel guilty for not being enough of a parent will never solve anything. Get to grips with the fact that you are the best mother shes likely to ever know and try some tough love - she may just appreciate a few boundaries

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

LillyJ wrote: »

A 13 year old is a little less independant than a 15 year old though, they grow up massively between those ages. A 15 year old is likely to sometimes go shopping for clothes alone, (and should - to learn to budget), and will need more in the way of bus fares to friend's houses etc. (unless they live somewhere where they can walk everywhere!).
However I do think that they need to earn this money (most if not all of it). I used to go for meals with friends when I was 15, with money I had earnt and I felt grown up, and my Mum treated me as a grown up.
I think if I had still had "pocket money" at that time I would have felt like a silly child. And because I was earning my Mum didn't mind treating me to the odd item of clothing in the sales, or a coffee when we went shopping (which she still does to this day!).

She never resented giving me money as I never asked for it, and I still sometimes get a little parcel in the post when she has seen a nice top or something in the sales which she thinks would suit me. And I am 23!

Thank you for the advice

We are in a difficult situation because my niece is coming to us from an abusive home, in Australia. She has no clothes, no belongings, nothing. We will be providing it all. We are wary of what she will spend money on because she's used to surviving on chocolate bars, buying alcohol. I think until we know the situation a little better, we need an element of control.

She is very independent because of her situation, but at the same time, she's never had the chance to be a child. Nobody took her to open a bank account, nobody took her shopping for new clothes. To begin with at least, we would like to give her these things.

paulweller - it sounds like we will be dealing with a similar temperment of child! You're doing your best but don't let your daughter make you feel guilty. You're working hard to give her a better life, and she appears not to appreciate that and take it for granted. Teenagers, eh.

JDMYOFAN

£30 a week!?

I got that a month, and my parents are far from short on cash!!!

Don't be so naieve (sp?). Teach your daughter the basics in life and to appreciate money. If she wants more money to top up her mobile phone etc, she needs a job.

You're only setting yourself up for more troubles in the future!

vixarooni

Wow!

I got £2 a week from the age of 13 untill i was 21! Boy did i learn the value of £2 and i am sorry that it has gone (im still 21) that £2 would pay for a days park and ride car parking fee or a magazine or some sweets or make up ect. Ive never ever grumbled with how much pocket money i got and i never asked for more. My mum would drop my friend and i off in town and sometimes she might have given me a bit extra but usually i went with just £2.

I got a job at about 14, cleaning cash in hand. Then i left that and went to boots and ive been in work ever since! I pay my own way. My parents could more than afford to give me £30 a week but they didnt. I also never got paid to do chores, my mum always said that nobody paid her so why should i get paid.

I think all these parents who dish out the notes every week are mental. Ive not asked my parents for money for years, ive been taught to be grateful for every pound ive recieved and i have! Never been in debt to this day, and ive been taught that my parents arent an atm machine to get more money!

No wonder we get young adults that sponge off the government, its like home from home isnt it!

LillyJ

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart wrote: »

Thank you for the advice

We are in a difficult situation because my niece is coming to us from an abusive home, in Australia. She has no clothes, no belongings, nothing. We will be providing it all. We are wary of what she will spend money on because she's used to surviving on chocolate bars, buying alcohol. I think until we know the situation a little better, we need an element of control.

She is very independent because of her situation, but at the same time, she's never had the chance to be a child. Nobody took her to open a bank account, nobody took her shopping for new clothes. To begin with at least, we would like to give her these things.

paulweller - it sounds like we will be dealing with a similar temperment of child! You're doing your best but don't let your daughter make you feel guilty. You're working hard to give her a better life, and she appears not to appreciate that and take it for granted. Teenagers, eh.

That is precisely what I was trying to say - at 13 that is an appropriate level of control, but the OPs daughter is 15, when things are a bit different.

Good luck with the new addition to your family.

January20

paulwellerfan wrote: »

hi every one.
i am just after a bit of advice please.
basically i have a 15 year old daughter and at present give her £30 per week.
out of this money i expect her to budget for her own clothes.
is this fair?
she feels that it isnt.
( i dont expect her to buy any school uniform or school shoes though)
any advice welcome

My DD is 15 and gets £40 per MONTH! Out of that I expect her to buy her clothes/ magazines/ make-up/ presents/ outings with friends, etc.

I pay for school uniform and school shoes, as well as her mobile phone bill (until then end of this year only) and haircuts.

She supplements her allowance with babysitting jobs.

January20

paulwellerfan wrote: »

thanks for all your advice.
just to add a bit more of my background
i am a single parent and have raised my daughter on my own ( left her dad as he was very abusive when she was a year old)
i attended an access course and then went on to attend uni ( graduated last year) i am now a qualified social worker who earns a reasonable wage but who works very long hours.
i guess i feel guilty firstly for taking my daughter away from her dad and secondly for working so long hours. anyway my daughter feels i help the world ( job) but have no time for her-

she drinks That's one of the problems of giving a teenager a lot of money.

and is very rude to me and half the time will not go to school. she does not appreciate the value of money and never has ( even though i struggled for many years on benefits) My DD was rude to me 2 weeks ago, in front of one of her friends, I was really disgusted with her attitude, so i just took her pocket money for the month. She'll think twice about the way she talks to me next time. And I know she has realised she was wrong as she has now apologised to me.

the £30 a week came in to it as i did not have the time to shop for her clothes on a weekly basis do you shop for clothes weekly? DD and I usually have a shopping day during the school holidays. It's usually a great treat and a lovely time spent together.
plus there is also an element of pocket money in there. i wanted to try to teach her to budget for her self. however this weekend she has gone through the £30 plus more on just one night out with her friends. she refuses to get a paper round and tells me that all her friends parents give their children at least this amount.
i feel a failure with my own child to say the least and dont know how to turn it around.

Frankly, what is the incentive for your daughter to get a paper round? you give her plenty of money. I am sure she knows you are feeling guilty about being a single parent and working a lot of hours so she uses it against you. Do you give her extra money when her £30 has run out?

Anniek1969

I agree with January20 above, she's using the guilt card against you.

I have a 15yr old DD who has no concept of money and would spend whatever you gave her although she does have a heart of gold and would buy gifts for us all. When birthdays and christmas come round I take her money and keep it for her and when she's going into town I give her what I think she'll need out of it.

She doesn't get a weekly allowance but I give her a couple of pounds here and there and when she's going out with friends i'll give her money, I also buy all her clothes but expect her to buy some of her own from her birthday/christmas money.

We have talked about a weekly allowance but she's very happy with what she gets now and is willing to keep it that way. I also pay her mobile bill which is around £20 per month but if she goes over her free minutes or texts then she gets less money throughout the week. It probably amounts to around £8/£10 per week although a bit more in the holidays for trips with friends.

She's probably not a typical 15yr old though as she occasionally with have an attitude she knows where to draw the line. Never had any major problems with her, she doesn't drink, smoke or stay out late and generally is a really happy person to be around (exept when she has pmt).

I do however have a friend that has the daughter from hell and has tried everything from bribery to blackmail and nothing worked, she had problems since she was around 13 and she's now almost 16 and thankfully she seems to have calmed down a bit.

If I was in your position I would really reconsider how much to give her if she's spending it on alcohol and only give her a small amount until you see a difference in her behaviour and attitude. As for clothes shopping I would make it a special trip once a month so you could spend some quality time together.

vixarooni

paulwellerfan wrote: »

thanks for all your advice.
just to add a bit more of my background
i am a single parent and have raised my daughter on my own ( left her dad as he was very abusive when she was a year old)
i attended an access course and then went on to attend uni ( graduated last year) i am now a qualified social worker who earns a reasonable wage but who works very long hours.
i guess i feel guilty firstly for taking my daughter away from her dad and secondly for working so long hours. anyway my daughter feels i help the world ( job) but have no time for her-
she drinks and is very rude to me and half the time will not go to school. she does not appreciate the value of money and never has ( even though i struggled for many years on benefits)
the £30 a week came in to it as i did not have the time to shop for her clothes on a weekly basis plus there is also an element of pocket money in there. i wanted to try to teach her to budget for her self. however this weekend she has gone through the £30 plus more on just one night out with her friends. she refuses to get a paper round and tells me that all her friends parents give their children at least this amount.
i feel a failure with my own child to say the least and dont know how to turn it around.

I feel for you, i havent a clue what its like to be a parent or to be a single mum.
You gotta stop feeling like youre a failure because then youre just going to give in because the guilt will increase if you dont. You gotta be tough with her, she sounds like shes at a stage where she could be heading down the route of not doing much in her life. Shes only 15, she wont realise how hard you are working for the sake of her and that will in turn make her feel like you dont spend enough time with her. I think you gotta show her a bit of tough love, take away the outrageous amount of pocket money she gets, help her to get a job or something. I'd be clever and pick a job that requires her to get up early on a weekend, like cleaning or the paper round because then if she goes out drinking the night before she will hopefully feel rubbish the next morning. Hopefully taking away the money will mean she wont have any to buy alcohol with.

I dunno, i dont even have kids, but if i did i think thats how i would try and handle things. She could spiral out of control and end up like the teenagers by boyfriend deals with as a PCSO. You dont want that!