Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

silvercar

My parents came here for the party, stayed in a hotel to make it more of a mini-holiday for themselves and had a good time visiting cousins etc while they were here. At the party we had our wedding album out and people commented that Dad hadn't changed in 25 years. Unfortunately the specialist has now suggested that he goes back onto chemo - different drug this time. He is feeling positive at the moment and says he is happy to do this. At least we know that his tiredness on chemo before was the chemo, not the cancer.

Much hystercials at the wedding album, someone asked if the guy in the photo was my first husband!

I think men starting careers out in their careers try and make themselves look mature and older, so they look like men not boys. Just 23 but sporting a moustache and the then fashionable glasses, he looks younger now than then.

Party seemed to be a success and having lots of rooms rather than one entertaining room just meant that different circles of people occupied different rooms. Not much food left but lots of alcohol. Either that is because the party was 1 January and everyone had had enough to drink the night before or new years resolution to cut down. Alternatively, I have friends that um have a tendency to pig out!

LydiaJ

silvercar wrote: »

I thought beneficiaries could rewrite wills within 2 years of death, if they all agreed.

Even if the "deprivation of assets" issue didn't matter, I don't think they could do that in this case. They would want to reallocate the deceased old's money to Pastures and her siblings instead of the remaining old. The only person who could do that would be the remaining old herself. She clearly hasn't got the mental capacity to do that now. PN and her sibs can't do it for the remaining old under the PoA because a court would be unlikely to agree that that was a proper thing for the attorneys to do with their power, I suspect.

Kids are finally back at school. I have the house to myself for an hour or so, and then I'm going into school to get some lessons prepared. The technicians want Monday's equipment requests in by tomorrow morning.

Note to self - must not fritter away entire day on computer.

SingleSue

My boys were back at school yesterday...good start for eldest, his philosophy teacher was off for the 1st lesson back!

It was count the amount of fences down time this morning, the wind was horrendous last night and at one point, we were the windiest area in the country...certainly felt and sounded like it I can tell you. It was also dodge the wheelie bin which had been blown into the road in the car on the way to school this morning.....lots of fun.

Amazingly, our leaning shed is still standing! Been expecting that thing to collapse for the last couple of years but there it is, still up...although now minus a roof, will have to get my brother up to sort it out and see if we can get another winter out of it.

PasturesNew

Oh blimey - this is long and will take many re-reads

So I've cut out a few bits to answer

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

My mother was cared for at home, by a series of carers via several arrangements BUT the legislation forces you to use an agency, so I settled down into something that cost £56 a day (plus the cost of feeding the carer) That lasted 4 years following my mother's stroke that had turned her into an overweight 3 year old.

We had some coming in under an emergency order, but they were useless, they were coming at the wrong times, the functions they were performing weren't meeting the needs of the old.... and it was under their 'care' that things escalated. We had identified though that the old needed a different package, but, as you have to use agencies, the right help wasn't available at the time - you phone and say what you want/when but they don't have the staff for those hours/days... and you can't find somewhere that can offer it (even though you're paying).

The two major issues were loneliness and not taking the right meds at the right time.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

It worked in spite of continuous resistance from the "professionals", who wanted her packed off into a home. [Nice and "safe" for them] Financially this open ended commitment worked too because the value of "her" house was going up in leaps and bounds. It was in an interest in possession trust, since my dad died in the 1967 (!) so out of the grasp of the local authority anyway.

Yes, if a house is gaining value every month it'll offset the immediate costs if you have the cashflow, but the market's going the other way too. The only way it'd work with my old being at home would be if they had somebody around all the time. People coming in and leaving is unsettling, unpredictable and leaves a greater hole of "loss" every time that front door closes behind one.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

Then my uncle had what seemed to be a similar stroke, but that was eventually diagnosed as a brain tumour and its rapid advance killed him in three months - so the NHS paid for his stay in a nursing home. Being asked [told] to sign the "do not resuscitate" documentation came as a bit of a shock.

With a short-term, terminal diagnosis, they will pick up the tab. We had that with the other old, who never actually made the move as they expired.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

For the last three years, since FIL died, my DW has been trying to keep MIL in her own home, with the help of carers. FIL could manage the slowly encroaching dementia up to then.
This commitment has been a continual stress and a burden as she lives 150 miles away. and up to now MIL has just been increasingly "difficult" and irrational about her current situation. Things came to a head about 6 weeks ago when MIL, who knows there is nothing wrong with her, did a "Del boy at the bar" trick, by trying to steady herself against the open dining room door.
(fortunately while in the care of DW who had just come out of said room)
Repairing the broken thigh seems to be a relatively simple procedure these days - they just screw everything back together, no more lying on your back for months with a huge lump of concrete clamped round the broken limb.
However "the system" offers no physical or mental rehabilitation for those in their dotage in hospital, unless they demand it.

And they can't demand it as they aren't capable of even demanding a biscuit with their tea.... they just sit there don't they ... sit ... sit ... and snooze ... and stare.


My old is happy to sit in bed all day and has got sores now to prove it. And mentally .... there's nothing going on as they just sit there and snooze without any stimulation (not even a telly) and nobody around them has marbles to play with.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

So MIL is now a physical wreck as her muscles have wasted away and a mental wreck because she does not really understand where she is and why.
She has now been packed off to a "top of the range" [read wickedly expensive and pretty "posh"] care home with special dementia facilities.
[Well at least you know your mum is now in a safe place and being cared for..........woops that was definitely the wrong thing to say]
The care home now has someone in a wheel chair because that is a lot easier to handle and prevents her trying to hit the staff. It will be interesting to see how they handle her verbal frustration outbursts.
I find I have to bite my lip about some of the things DW and BIL are doing, as it is not really my problem and agreement between two people is difficult enough to achieve, without them getting their in-laws in on the act.

So PN that is my story - any thoughts feel free to share them if I can help.

I picked the home because the old doesn't need a carer to help them get from their room to any of the social areas/outside space... so long as the old can wobble about with a stick/frame they can go where they like. No Stannah, no stairs, no lifts...... imagine if every time you wanted to leave your room you had to call and wait for help to use a lift/similar.... so I am hoping my old will at least be a Happy Wanderer.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

One point about the Power of Attorney - if the donor has "lost capacity" it needs to be "registered with the court" - so the government can claim they have tried to prevent hanky panky.
In the case of my mother only one organisation queried her "capacity", so I simply ignored them until I eventually got probate. [All they really have to do is to demand her counter signature and then ask why you cannot provide it - she is mountain walking in Himalayas probably won't work;)]
I rather fear DW is going to have the same problem when organisations cotton on to MIL being in a dementia home - fortunately she has the "old" Enduring Power of Attorney - which is slightly less onerous.
What sort of PoE do you have?

Officially the old hasn't been diagnosed. Still has a lot of capacity and understanding. The old can present well conversationally ..... it's only when you know something's wrong/bizarre that you can spot stuff. e.g. if somebody overheard the old telling me "My grandson's just visited me, did you see him? He's only just left" they'd think "All there mentally". I'd reply "No, I must have missed him.".... but there is no grandson/never has been - and I simply play along with whatever nonsense the old comes out with.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

Another thought: If handled correctly, I believe the local authority is responsible for the first 12 weeks of care - someone on the MSE forum will know the chapter and verse of the regulations.

We tried that one at first and it appears that if you have cash available in the bank over the threshold then you don't get that. We're certainly along a path of self-funding from day 1 now and our (several times) name dropping of the 12 week rule came to nothing.

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

A couple of other thoughts:

Germany, I believe, makes children financially responsible for their parents - so it is not just your inheritance you are having to spend if you are German.

I bet there are a lot of Germans that change nationalitites

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

Holland has assisted euthanasia, I believe.
Personally I would like to think I have the courage to go down the "Dignitas" route if necessary [Though many would not agree with me.] I have a fond memory of getting into a discussion (argument?) with this bloke: Ritchie_Calder when I had all that false confidence of an ignorant 18 year old - though he was only a professor at the time - looks like the pressure of time is changing opinions. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/

Have you considered cryogenic freezing? If I was sitting on a pile of money and had a warning I was about to expire I'd think about chucking the cash at that just because it's an option and it'd be interesting if it did work and you woke up in 100 years.

sss555s

Stalker alert

GDB2222

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

Personally I would like to think I have the courage to go down the "Dignitas" route if necessary

I think that it is more complicated than simply courage. The people I have seen interviewed on television about this seemed to be motivated mainly by fear, fear that their dying days might be very distressing, fear that they might be in great pain, and fear that their relatives might have to take action on their behalf that would land the relatives in prison.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

Even if the "deprivation of assets" issue didn't matter, I don't think they could do that in this case. They would want to reallocate the deceased old's money to Pastures and her siblings instead of the remaining old. The only person who could do that would be the remaining old herself. She clearly hasn't got the mental capacity to do that now. PN and her sibs can't do it for the remaining old under the PoA because a court would be unlikely to agree that that was a proper thing for the attorneys to do with their power, I suspect.

Bizarrely, the old hasn't been formally diagnosed. Upon admission to the H the old had some scans etc and they said they spotted this thing, but they don't do a diagnosis, just look at what might be causing the reason they were admitted.

Also, the price that's come from the home doesn't include a premium for them being without capacity.

Legally, the old still has capacity.

The change we made to the W was a clear error as the will said one thing, but the solicitor had done their property purchase wrongly so the two matched, so that was a straight forward reversal and intent was clearly identified in the W donkeys years ago.

If I were to go down that route, I'd be getting the old's signature as nobody's actually said "ga-ga". As for deprivation it seems they can go back donkeys years to inspect accounts etc.

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

Have you considered cryogenic freezing? If I was sitting on a pile of money and had a warning I was about to expire I'd think about chucking the cash at that just because it's an option and it'd be interesting if it did work and you woke up in 100 years.

the comment that I recall about cryogenic freezing was: "as much chance as turning this hamburger back into a cow".

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

the comment that I recall about cryogenic freezing was: "as much chance as turning this hamburger back into a cow".

Well .... if you've nobody to leave your money to and it's there ..... it's like one last big adventure

Davesnave

PasturesNew wrote: »

Well .... if you've nobody to leave your money to and it's there ..... it's like one last big adventure

Look, you & I already have moments of thinking things have moved on technologically without us, so just imagine what it would be like waking up 100 years in the future.....:eek:

....Well, it's impossible really, isn't it?

And besides, think of the house prices then: £3bn for a grotty bedsit in St Austell....and that would just be the council tax!!! :rotfl: