Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

Kennyboy66

misskool wrote: »

Been invited to go out with some friends I don't normally spend time with tomorrow. OH won't go but still it's high tea at a posh London hotel at £50 a head. and my train fare for the day of £13. My MSE money dilemma. Answers nice peeps?

sounds like roughly the cost of a football match or going to see a show (no dinner or drinks) in London.

If you fancy it and can afford it, why not.

fc123

chewmylegoff wrote: »

Yeah I know, you and Lydia are obviously right, and I've known I need to tackle it head on for some time now. There's never a right time though and in the end I decided to leave it until after NY to avoid ruining Christmas if it all goes horribly wrong! We need to move house early next year so I will talk to her before we start househunting.

Just go with the flow and don't stress out on it too much. If a baby turned up tomo in your lives, it would just fit in, you would adapt + and it would be fine.;)

chewmylegoff wrote: »

It's fine...if you can afford it. I'm likely to ceiling at about £100k in about 2-3 years. On one salary it's going to really be a push to bring up more than one kid because there is no way any child of mine is going through the London state school system - so that means moving significantly further out, or private school (plus you need to save a serious wedge for university).

The London state system isn't so bad (+ we brought them up in a borough with the worst performing schools in the country), you just adapt as and when and do what needs to be done as the child grows up. All have different needs and personalities but you, sometimes, don't know what they are until they are a bit older.

Son was refused our 1st choice and got a place in a primary where the majority of kids didn't have english as their first language. It was a nice enough school but I remember chatting to a teacher who said all stories were read in 3 languages. I remember thinking that this wasn't so great as, though he would pick up a bit of the other 2 languages which could be handy, wouldn't it be a bit of a PITA as the story would take 3 times as long to get to the end? I went to a bi-lingual welsh/english school until aged 8 and, apprently my parents had similar concerns. Sadly, we moved back to London and my bi-lingual abilities vanished very quickly.

This was in the days before scores and SATS and we were really newbie about schools. On appeal, he went to another nearby and we pulled him out for a variety of reasons @ aged 8 ()personal mainly) and he went to a prep school but, had he been @ a primary in a neighbouring borough then we probably wouldn't have.

He would have run 'with the pack' as a teen so I have never doubted that we chose the correct school for him. DD was absolutely fine at a ''low-performing'' primary (as defined by SATS) but I thought it was a lovely place. Some of the teachers were inspiring and OH and my Dad both went to it in the 40's and 70's. A teacher who used to teach OH had DD in his class as was just as enthusatic and inspiring as he was in the 70's. Much of your kids upbringing comes from home so you don't have to fret too much. Those schools just don't do much extra curricular so you just have to organise your own music/dance/ swim lessons outside school times.

DD has had an extremely varied education as she did her last year in a top public school. Was it amazing in terms of facilities? Absolutely and the small classes are the big thing ....but everything else? It's more debatable. You get great teachers in every school and you get just as many 'off the rails and damaged' teens in those schools as in a city comp. You just cross your fingers that your child doesn't become their bezzie.

I will go with Doozer though on the 'something' that they get. I can't put my finger on it either. A kind of confidence and ability to communicate with adults on an equal level. I deff notice the difference with her old SE London mates (who she is back in touch with) and her cousins.

chewmylegoff wrote: »

It's not really just about whether they're academically gifted. For me it would be more about ensuring that they are in a decent school environment (although some of the oiks you get at expensive private schools are probably just as bad as some kid who thinks he's a gangsta) and had access to a wide range of extracurricular stuff.

There is a strong trend for teens from very priviledged backgrounds (in terms if material wealth) to 'get down' and it winds me up massively (as I met some of them) and they can afford to buy the drugs/booze/fags whereas you average lower middle class kid can't so is more limited on exposure.

I wouldn't worry too much about the teen years yet......parenting a baby + toddler is exhausting but great fun.

PN has got it spot on with the P/T jobs and changes as we knew couples with 2 or 3 kids trying to keep up with rising interest rates during the 90's working back to back. One would 'do' daytime hours then the other a nightshift. Childcare was impractical +/or too expensive and that type of working rota really can put a strain on a relationship.


55% in the tight quiz :eek:

LBC if I am feeling a lack of chat in my day...I can then shout back at the dippy callers and Kiss in the car as DD tunes it in.

Miss Kool; Yes to the High Tea.....it's just once.:)

Oh, Chewy, just a small tip....don't get a dog to 'practise' the 'commitment of a child'. Not my words but someone close to us did that and she is 38....except the dog has become a F/T job and she is a SAHW who now can't fit anything else in as the dog is all consuming.:)

fc123

lostinrates wrote: »

we have a friend coming tomorrow with their partner who we can't stand. tbh, wouldn't have invited them, but invited themselves (I suggested meeting with friend on a date I knew partner wasn't available, but partner wanted to come so they asked if they could come.....what does one say?)

Well....if it's a good friend I think you'll have to see him/her as a duo. I sympathise with your dilemma as OH has a SIL who we really struggle with...and she's always wanting us to all get together and go out. We avoid and the subject came up again over Xmas. We are going to have to give in I think.
Maybe try to see only his/her really good points.:) Steer all conversation onto subjects that he/she is really interesting and entertaining about...I am running out of ideas.:o

misskool wrote: »

Been invited to go out with some friends I don't normally spend time with tomorrow. OH won't go but still it's high tea at a posh London hotel at £50 a head. and my train fare for the day of £13. My MSE money dilemma. Answers nice peeps?

I have thought of a way to make this moneysaving at the same time. Go earlier and hit the sales. Then you could 'save' £200 on some new shoes (or whatever) that would have cost £400 so making the net cost of the day only £150 including 3 or 4 pairs of new shoes.

LydiaJ

fc123 wrote: »

Oh, Chewy, just a small tip....don't get a dog to 'practise' the 'commitment of a child'. Not my words but someone close to us did that and she is 38....except the dog has become a F/T job and she is a SAHW who now can't fit anything else in as the dog is all consuming.:)

:rotfl:

I'm not a big fan of Christmas pudding and neither are my kids, so we don't usually have one. This year I got an individual-sized one for my dad, which he decided to eat this evening. DS had never seen a flaming Christmas pudding before and has just come rushing upstairs in great excitement - "Mum, Mum, come quickly, Grandpa is setting food on fire!" His eyes were shining and it was such a great moment. My lovely dad put more brandy on, too, just so DS could have a go at lighting it.

fc123

LydiaJ wrote: »

:rotfl:

I'm not a big fan of Christmas pudding and neither are my kids, so we don't usually have one. This year I got an individual-sized one for my dad, which he decided to eat this evening. DS had never seen a flaming Christmas pudding before and has just come rushing upstairs in great excitement - "Mum, Mum, come quickly, Grandpa is setting food on fire!" His eyes were shining and it was such a great moment. My lovely dad put more brandy on, too, just so DS could have a go at lighting it.

:rotfl::rotfl: They are going to try some, love it and you'll have to prvide 'fire pudding' every year from now on

Reminds me of the time my Dad was spooning Cranberry jelly onto his meat and our son, aged about 4, asked 'Why is Grandad putting jam on his dinner?''.

misskool

fc123 wrote: »

I have thought of a way to make this moneysaving at the same time. Go earlier and hit the sales. Then you could 'save' £200 on some new shoes (or whatever) that would have cost £400 so making the net cost of the day only £150 including 3 or 4 pairs of new shoes.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I would but I have to finish an experiment at work so it's pushing it getting to West London from the south.

I need a new handbag but I think I better spend it on a decorator for the hallway rather than a new Alexa. I also saw some nice shoes I really really want but this is the year the house is being decorated, already spent enough on Elemis and Lakeland stuff

zagubov

lostinrates wrote: »

A once reknowned male therapist once told me that (in general) men subconciously......

A what.....told you what....? :eek:

tomterm8 wrote: »

Sounds like a load of b****cks to me.

Well-spotted!

misskool wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
I would but I have to finish an experiment at work so it's pushing it getting to West London from the south.

I'd still say go to see your pals- its an experience you'll remember. The stuff you get in the sales you'll forget soon enough.
And there's no bargains in the sales-its covered in another thread!
It's later than you think! (no pressure,mind!)
As Mrs Doyle would say "go on, go on..."

vivatifosi

I don't know if any of you (other than Purch) watch American football, but there was an Amazing touchdown scored this week by the Bengals. Has to be seen to believed. The sort of clip that will end up on A Question of Sport:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7KPZrv7JWE

SingleSue

vivatifosi wrote: »

Changing track a bit, has anyone done Martin's tightness test? It's very funny. I am 31% tight apparently.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/quiz/howtightareyou/results/

I am 65% tight apparently!

Not sure if that is a good thing or not......

SingleSue

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't quite believe in ''the One'' despite being very much in love and happily married...to the man I love!

I'm pretty sure I or dh could have been happy with other people if we hadn't found each other. We just happen to be lucky that we found each other before other people did.

Whilst I do....I had my one and even though it went all a bit eek at the end, I don't think I could find another one who would measure up. My one and only love interest since the divorce, I spent the whole time comparing them mentally..and the love interest didn't even come close (especially in the bedroom :eek:)

Re voting? Always do.

Radio? Rarely listen, always have the CD playing in the car, Metallica to ease you into the morning.....

Schools? I dearly wanted to send middle son to a fee paying school and would have done if I had had the finances to do so. He is exceptionally gifted (maths, music and science) and I had been concerned his needs in that area would not be met by the state system as they would have been concentrating more on his Aspergers. Luckily, the school has an able, gifted and talented group who do receive the extra 'push' to keep them stimulated and are not forced to stay at the level of the other students in the class.

It wasn't all plain sailing though, initially they did concentrate on his Aspergers and had him in all the bottom sets (with all the other special needs children). I kicked up a stink, got talking to the head who happened to agree with me and then they started pushing him to find out exactly where he was educationally.

So he would be doing extension work whilst others in the class would be doing the more normal work and at times, he and a few other of the gifted ones would be taken out of the classroom in a small group to work. He was at the highest level possible for maths, science and music by the start of year 9 and is currently predicted all A* in his GCSEs.

The above makes it sound like I am a pushy mum but middle son honestly prefers to be pushed, he gets bored easily if his mind isn't being stretched and with boredom comes aggression (he even has it written in his statement that he needs to have his brain kept busy). He even asked the school if he could have maths as an option in his choices for GCSE as he wanted to do more than one lot of maths.

For youngest, a fee paying school would probably have been better. The school do try with him but his shutters come down all too often due to the size of the school, the noise in the classroom and the fact that as he is more obviously disabled by the autism, more concentration is put on that (they have no choice really, his needs are multiple and complex).

He is also very gifted in maths and was doing GCSE work whilst still at primary school...but only when he felt completely safe and not stressed and that is the key with him, if he feels safe, he will show you what he can do...if he feels stressed or unsafe, down the shutters come and he closes off.

Unfortunately, having his brother in the same school does give him more confidence, so going to a different school, albeit better educationally for him, would have a negative impact on him mentally.