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Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

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Comments

  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,793 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    PasturesNew wrote: »
    Well, the old doesn't know this yet; too ill/infirm, but if the old 'gets well' then they'll expect to be going home .... only it'll never happen. So still loads of stress/etc between me realising the gravity of the situation ... and the old discovering/accepting it.

    Some older people live in a home and think they are going back to their house in a couple of weeks when they are a bit better/ have regained their strength/ had a break etc The "couple of weeks" stretches and stretches until eventually they say they are used to the home and will stay. A friend's parent has been in a home for 4 years and still thinks they are going home soon.

    TBH its been on the cards ever since you lost your father. It may be that being looked after will help her regain her routine. Eating and sleeping properly may do her some good and you will also benefit from knowing she is being cared for.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • LydiaJ
    LydiaJ Posts: 8,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    PasturesNew wrote: »
    More 'old' problems. The old won't be going home ever ... not capable.... and wondering if the old will even make the rest of this year.

    And if that weren't enough, income today £6. It crashed and burned while I was looking after the departed old - and the remaining old's still taking up too much of my time to ever get my head straight enough to do anything about it.

    Everything's poo really. Even the old's cleaner said to me today that I looked old/haggard/tired/dead beat - and those are changes she's noticed in just the past 3 weeks. If she'd seen me a year ago she'd now be asking me where my daughter was.....

    Youth's gone, old's gone, income's gone.

    Poooooooooo.

    Oh Pastures, I'm so sorry it's all being so awful for you.

    Viva is right. Could you tell your siblings that your business is suffering because you have taken so much unpaid time off to look after the old. Explain to them and the home where the old is that if there is a problem and they need to phone a family member then they need to phone one of your siblings, because it's really impossible for you to take any more time off work just now.

    (((hugs)))
    Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
    Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
    Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.     :)
  • zagubov
    zagubov Posts: 17,938 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    vivatifosi wrote: »
    This is where your siblings can step up to the plate though. Under these circumstances your carer role - which has been a millstone as much as a testament to your being a caring daughter - is nearing the end. It doesn't need to be you doing everything anymore as it isn't going to be as mechanistic. They need to face up to their duties now as well as giving you time to adjust to your changing circumstances. If I recall what you have told us correctly, surviving old is not an aspie, nor are siblings. Therefore they can break the news to the old as they will not have the same communication problems or concerns that you have.

    PN can I second this - your sibs have more to contribute at this point in this situation and it falls on them to step up as you're doing more of the indispensable communication work and they're apparently doing less.

    And later on, though it would be tempting to give yourself some space I think you'll need to engage as much as possible with your siblings, for a variety of reasons.:A
    There is no honour to be had in not knowing a thing that can be known - Danny Baker
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    sss555s wrote: »

    Any NP interested in astrology?

    I'm Virgo, what signs are the NP?

    I'm the sensible sign wot don't believe in 'em.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • LydiaJ
    LydiaJ Posts: 8,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    neverdespairgirl wrote: »
    I'm the sensible sign wot don't believe in 'em.
    Me too. .
    Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
    Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
    Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.     :)
  • vivatifosi
    vivatifosi Posts: 18,746 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! PPI Party Pooper
    sss555s wrote: »
    Any NP interested in astrology?

    I'm Virgo, what signs are the NP?

    My sign? The scudetto shield of course!
    Please stay safe in the sun and learn the A-E of melanoma: A = asymmetry, B = irregular borders, C= different colours, D= diameter, larger than 6mm, E = evolving, is your mole changing? Most moles are not cancerous, any doubts, please check next time you visit your GP.
  • zagubov
    zagubov Posts: 17,938 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    sss555s wrote: »
    Kids need "shoved, moulded, manipulated" to do the right things on times. It's a constant battle!

    Any NP interested in astrology?

    I'm Virgo, what signs are the NP?

    This isn't anything to do with serial killers being mainly born around November or schizophrenics born in January-April and all those other weird correlations?:D

    Or has Martin tasked you with checking on our sanity?:eek:
    There is no honour to be had in not knowing a thing that can be known - Danny Baker
  • sss555s
    sss555s Posts: 3,175 Forumite
    zagubov wrote: »

    Or has Martin tasked you with checking on our sanity?:eek:


    As human beings, I think we all lost that a long time ago :D
  • Generali
    Generali Posts: 36,411 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    neverdespairgirl wrote: »
    I'm the sensible sign wot don't believe in 'em.

    I'm Aires.

    That either means I'm cynical about star signs or the generalisation about Generali is generally wrong.
  • sss555s
    sss555s Posts: 3,175 Forumite
    Generali wrote: »
    I'm Aires.

    That either means I'm cynical about star signs or the generalisation about Generali is generally wrong.


    Ahh quite dogged, determined, hard working and down to earth.

    There is no way you are going to give up when on challenging bike rides ;)
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