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Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

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Comments

  • vivatifosi
    vivatifosi Posts: 18,746 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! PPI Party Pooper
    NP, just seen a bit on BBC Breakfast that Newsround is is doing a special on Autism and Aspergers at 4.40pm* today "My Autism and Me". Hopefully it will raise awareness among children, as well as adults.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01773m7


    * Not sure of actual start time. BBC Breakfast said 4.45pm, the link above says 4.40pm and my Sky planner is saying 5pm. Whatever time it starts, its due to be on today!
    Please stay safe in the sun and learn the A-E of melanoma: A = asymmetry, B = irregular borders, C= different colours, D= diameter, larger than 6mm, E = evolving, is your mole changing? Most moles are not cancerous, any doubts, please check next time you visit your GP.
  • Davesnave
    Davesnave Posts: 34,741 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    vivatifosi wrote: »
    NP, just seen a bit on BBC Breakfast that Newsround is is doing a special on Autism and Aspergers at 4.40pm* today "My Autism and Me". Hopefully it will raise awareness among children, as well as adults.[URL="http://"][/URL]

    Anything that does is clearly good, but nowadays, with inclusion, most children will understand the conditions better than many adults! ;)

    I have posted at the other place regarding my garden sale. :)
  • LydiaJ
    LydiaJ Posts: 8,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    The old's already been in and booked out of a home.... and I have no powers of persuasion.... so my current situation is to not do knee-jerk reactions, but to enable the old to realise for themselves that re-visiting the previously discarded ideas are a good idea. It has to come from the old. The old needs to start saying what they DO want, so far all we've ever had is what they DON'T want.

    All I can do is play the waiting game. Not had a call today .... yet. It'd be like a day off if I weren't permanently glued to the phone expecting it to ring...

    Pastures, if you just wait for the Old to realise that she can't cope alone, you'll wait forever. What she is realising at the moment is that if she digs her heels in and insists on staying at home, then everything will be fine because you will give up your life to look after her, and that even if you move out you will sit by the phone in case she calls for help, so there is nothing for her to worry about.

    I think your top priority is to find her another number to call if there is an emergency and you are not available - a neighbour, or a local care organisation or something. Then you will be free to go out, or to disconnect the phone for a day to concentrate on sorting your income, or whatever you need to do.
    Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
    Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
    Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
    :)
  • Davesnave
    Davesnave Posts: 34,741 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    LydiaJ wrote: »
    Pastures, if you just wait for the Old to realise that she can't cope alone, you'll wait forever.

    Totally agree.

    I was guilty of putting off the inevitable. It was inevitable that my Dad would either have a serious home accident, die in the night alone or go into a care home. It wasn't pleasant to act on that knowledge, but those were the main possibilities, and the third option looked much the best.

    But for too long there was drift...."Just get through another week."

    Unfortunately, it wasn't until I was sitting in my wrecked car, contemplating the stupidity of forever trying to be in two places at once, that these things became clear. :(
  • GDB2222
    GDB2222 Posts: 26,498 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Dave, I hope you weren't too badly hurt?

    I have just been discussing MIL with DW, as it's MIL's 88th birthday tomorrow, and she isn't getting any saner or happier! My view is that MIL won't live forever, and at this stage it's quality of life that counts, rather than quantity. DW sort of agrees with me, but deep down I don't think she accepts that. She wants her mother to live forever. It's extraordinary to see how MIL has slowed down in the last couple of years, and she just takes a long time to work things out. It doesn't help that she can't remember things very well, either.

    I think she must have had some minor stroke damage to the frontal lobes, as she seems rather dis-inhibited in what she says. I mention this because, quite frankly, it's getting on my nerves. That she treats the poor dog as a baby is one thing, but when she talks to the adults in the same baby-babble it's just damned annoying.

    So, at the moment MIL manages in her own home, and that's where she's happiest. (And with any luck, that's where she's going soon!) But, she's not really safe there. She has a panic button that she's supposed to wear around the house. But, ofc, she doesn't. She doesn't take her meds. And so on. It's partly not wanting to admit that she's old, partly attention-seeking behaviour, and partly death-wish. She also refuses any social interaction, more or less, which makes her more and more isolated.

    So, we are faced with the same sort of issues as PN, just not quite as urgent. Keep MIL safe in a home, where she does not want to go, or let her deteriorate at her own home until she has another fall and has to go somewhere where they will care for her physically.
    No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,936 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    So, at the moment MIL manages in her own home, and that's where she's happiest. (And with any luck, that's where she's going soon!) But, she's not really safe there. She has a panic button that she's supposed to wear around the house. But, ofc, she doesn't. She doesn't take her meds. And so on. It's partly not wanting to admit that she's old, partly attention-seeking behaviour, and partly death-wish. She also refuses any social interaction, more or less, which makes her more and more isolated.

    Sounds like my late grandmother.

    The sad thing is that the elderly take a while to adjust to being in a home, the more capable they are when they make the move the happier they are when they are there. This does mean pushing them to agree to go in the first place.

    My grandmother managed with a care worker coming in every morning and night to ensure she took her meds for about 2 years. Then she deteriated and had to be moved for her own safety. She never really settled in a home and moved from one to another. IMHO if she had gone to a home 2 years earlier she would have lasted longer quality and quantity.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • LydiaJ
    LydiaJ Posts: 8,083 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    One day it will be us - well, some of us, anyway. The question is, will we remember these conversations, and will we act on our past selves' advice and go into a home sooner rather than later?
    Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
    Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
    Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
    :)
  • GDB2222
    GDB2222 Posts: 26,498 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    LydiaJ wrote: »
    One day it will be us - well, some of us, anyway. The question is, will we remember these conversations, and will we act on our past selves' advice and go into a home sooner rather than later?


    MIL and PN's mum are capable of making their own decisions, so it's not up to us to make the decisions for them, and we just have to support them in the choices they make as much as we can or are willing to do.

    So, when we get older, one other point to bear in mind is the effect our decisions will have on our loved ones.

    At the moment, there's a feeling that PN is being manipulated by her family in an unfair way. The very least her sibs could do is support her financially, as they are apparently too busy earning their livings to share the care of mum. As you say Lydia, if PN went on strike, suddenly the vacuum she left would get filled one way or another. (Umm, you did say that?)
    No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?
  • michaels
    michaels Posts: 29,224 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    In my family the 5 siblings had a vote and by a 4:1 majority it was decided that responsibility lay with the eldest ;)
    I think....
  • tomterm8
    tomterm8 Posts: 5,892 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    LydiaJ wrote: »
    One day it will be us - well, some of us, anyway. The question is, will we remember these conversations, and will we act on our past selves' advice and go into a home sooner rather than later?

    Nope. Not a chance. :D

    The old people are human, and we are human, and we will act just like the old people when we are old people.
    “The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.”
    ― P.G. Wodehouse, Love Among the Chickens
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