Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

LydiaJ

Tomorrow I have got to go into the kids' school and make a fuss. I am not good at making fusses.

I have had DS in tears tonight. Some other boys in his class have been bullying him - name calling and throwing things. He says he's told the teacher but the other boys lied when questioned and nobody believed him.

After all he's been through, he does not need this (and frankly, neither do I, and neither does DD need me to be preoccupied with DS's problems when she needs her turn to get my attention).

If I had the energy to be livid, I would be, but mostly I just feel sad.

SingleSue

Good luck Lydia...I had call for being annoyed with the school a short while ago over eldest and I was dreading pulling them up for something when they have been so good with the other two boys but it needed to be done. *

As it was, they were fine with it.

*He has use of laptops as his fingers and wrists dislocate while he is writing. During his recent FAT tests, his laptop failed and he was forced to complete the tests (several of them) by hand. He did sort of manage to do them but was in so much pain that not only could he not think straight and thus his marks were not brilliant but also it meant that he could not use his hands for normal things like dressing and undressing, washing etc for a week or so...quite embarrassing for an 18 year old to be dressed and washed by their mother.

Davesnave

LydiaJ wrote: »

Tomorrow I have got to go into the kids' school and make a fuss. I am not good at making fusses.

If I had the energy to be livid, I would be, but mostly I just feel sad.

I think it depends upon the context. A one-off thing probably just needs a light touch, so the teacher becomes aware that you're unhappy, but not pushing it further, just yet. Their lack of belief in your son should cause them some embarrassment and, hopefully, lead to their being more vigilant and effectual in future.

If it's part of an ongoing thing, or becomes one, that's a different matter. Then, you will have laid down a marker and have good reason to take things further, if there isn't an immediate improvement.

Davesnave

PasturesNew wrote: »

OH NOES!!! You're my nearest "nice people" ... next nearest is that North Devon fella ... but he's always knee deep in animal poo I think.

I'll be left down here all alone

Hugz from Deb'n:D

lostinrates

BTW....I did say to FC that I thought she had potential to sell in the future, I'm sure I did. I feel quite chuffed I was right, even though I did say a name to her I think and this daughter sounds younger than the daughter I thought it might be a ''nice business'' for.

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

BTW....I did say to FC that I thought she had potential to sell in the future, I'm sure I did. I feel quite chuffed I was right, even though I did say a name to her I think and this daughter sounds younger than the daughter I thought it might be a ''nice business'' for.

An investor with no strings is excellent;
An investor with a daughter who he wants FCC to train is good;
An investor who wants to give the business to his daughter as a toy would be frustrating.

But then if we are talking 7 figure sums, there will always be strings.

Any opportunity to say to the money man, if you are doing this because it makes sense then do it without the strings?

LydiaJ

Davesnave wrote: »

I think it depends upon the context. A one-off thing probably just needs a light touch, so the teacher becomes aware that you're unhappy, but not pushing it further, just yet. Their lack of belief in your son should cause them some embarrassment and, hopefully, lead to their being more vigilant and effectual in future.

If it's part of an ongoing thing, or becomes one, that's a different matter. Then, you will have laid down a marker and have good reason to take things further, if there isn't an immediate improvement.

That's what I thought when he started complaining about it before half term. To start with he was saying vague things about not wanting to play with them, and them not being nice to him. I know he's not always the easiest child to get along with, so I made generally soothing and encouraging comments. Then just before half term he started being much more specific about what exactly these boys have been doing - exaggeratedly keeping their distance from him and saying that he smells, or calling him "gayboy", for example. (I mean, I know secondary school boys use "gay" as a synonym for "stupid", but I hadn't realised it would happen in year 6.) :mad:

One of the three boys he's complaining about is a boy I've always thought was a decent kid, and I used to be playground-friends with his mother before they all got older and we stopped hanging around in the playground for them so much. So my plan was to have a quiet word with her. I'm sure she'd be appalled and would sit her son down and make him realise the effect he's having. I also hoped it might blow over when they all had a week off for half term.

Unfortunately I haven't managed to catch her in the playground so far, and although he didn't mention it on Monday (we were busy all evening anyway), last night he told me that both Monday and yesterday were awful, and that half term has made no difference.

As it happens, DS's proper teacher went off on a few weeks of sick leave (for an operation) a couple of days before half term, so I can't talk to him. I'm going to talk to his temporary teacher (who's usually DD's teacher - her class is having the supply teacher) in a "fresh start" sort of way. I'm also going to explain to either her or the TA (if I can catch her) that the TA needs to discontinue her well-meaning attempts to help DS progress through his bereavement by making him play with the others when he wants to be alone.

But I'm also going to see the head. I'll start off along the lines of "I'm keeping you in the loop" by telling him about DS's recent diagnosis of failure to progress through bereavement and the fact that he's just about to be seen by the children's service of community mental health. Then I'll say that he's recently started being specific about what's going on at school that's contributing to his unhappiness, so therefore I'm coming in so we can all work together on this....

TBH I probably should have done more earlier. Perhaps I've been paralysed by two things - I was bullied at school myself, and the school did nothing, and I've felt generally at a loss for what to do to help him with his bereavement because he has completely refused to engage with any of the help offered so far by various people I've taken him to. I've been told that the community mental health staff will be able to work with him without making him start talking about his dad straight away, and that's why he's willing to talk to them, so that's why I've got hopes that this might actually make a difference.

Sorry for rant. Am off to school now.

Pobby

Oh dear Lydia. I`m really sorry to hear about your lad. Bullying is a horrible thing and needs to be nipped in the bud. Hoping it gets sorted out pronto.

PasturesNew

One particular bully I had when I was about 8-9 used to wait for me every day outside the school gates; he'd leap at me from behind a bush and hit me, call me names, laugh and run off. I just took it.

About 10-11 years later, I had a female friend and she started dating this new lad .... it was him... but he was a bad lad and was into thieving and stuff. One day he was specific about something he'd just done, so I left my friend's house and within the hour I'd grassed him up to the fuzz and he was arrested and put inside.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Hope it all works out Lydia - bullies should be knee-capped, then given concrete boots and taken to the river. They're worthless humans.

mystic_trev

michaels wrote: »

In danger of sounding like most of the other threads on this board - 'Homes under the hammer' has a lot to answer for.

Too true. I've been looking to buy another property for the last twelve months (think Tunbridge Wells / Sevenoaks area) and prices at Auction have gone mental. I've seen properties selling for far more than they're worth. Friend who's an EA has been more than happy with a few he's stuck with a local Auction House.