Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

tomterm8

If your old has alzheimer's I think they are probably in the right place. Even though they could be in sheltered accommodation now, it is best to get them in a nursing home while they are still reasonably high functioning.

I know it's tough, but I think you are doing the right thing.

lostinrates wrote: »

Well...legally yes, but I can see why PN would want to herself....so would I. I think the abdication of that ''duty'' is all to easy today and doesn't make for a nicer place to live...a happier society.

It's not an abdication of a duty. Social services has the legal authority to mandate care in a way that PN can't. If you are dealing with an alzheimer's patient, sooner or later you will have to cope with the fact that the patient will want to go home, but can't for their own safety. Knowing how slowly social services acts, getting them on the problem sooner or later is a good idea IMHO.

Besides which, in PN's case, I am not convinced if she has alzheimer's she should be self funding. But that depends on the assessment.

GDB2222

lostinrates wrote: »

Um, they can.....my granny was in a secure home because she and others like her kept wandering off. Maybe you need a diagnosis for that though.

My granny was quite convincing though, loads of builders etc let her out, because she'd look at them grin and say ''Preparing for your future Boys? Its terrifying, everytime I come here to visit my friend I get closer to it, I've left my handbag in the car this time'' and then slip out the door they had politely held open for her....which was a secure door.

She got a fair way away too sometimes....once she walked about six miles on foot to the next town........:eek:

So, she was fit enough physically to walk 6 miles, and she was fit enough mentally to blag her way out. Just explain again why she had to be in the home in the first place?

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

One is, but lives on the other side of the country - that one's already been about 4x for a week at a time in the past 2 months (only went back 3 days ago). Thing is, when that one comes a lot of what we do is "together" due to the duration of visits (and them arriving by public transport so having no car). Other one's in this county, but works full-time in another county, so has 14 hour days... although they aren't doing what they could at weekends/etc.

I think you need to share the responsibility more, the agonising about what to do for the best. Or maybe you do, but you don't write about it?

Davesnave

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I didn't get a choice about my primary school.

Nor did I, but at a new kindergarten I once voted with my feet.

First, I removed my shoes and threw those at the staff, and then came the socks.... :cool:

I remember this, clear as day. It was because they treated me like a baby, sat me in a corner and gave me an abacus for 'amusement.' I threw that too!

The school was called 'Penryn,' but as the staff wore black & white, I thought it was 'Penguin.' Anyway, I wasn't impressed, and nor were they. My Mother was summoned, asked to take me home and probably told not to bring me again.

So much for progressivism. I returned to Mrs McCartney's place, where we did handwriting and sums before any playing, and then it was structured, sociable play. In the right environment I was a model pupil. :A

lostinrates

GDB2222 wrote: »

So, she was fit enough physically to walk 6 miles, and she was fit enough mentally to blag her way out. Just explain again why she had to be in the home in the first place?

She was also convinced her kitchen was in her bathroom, that it was the 1930s and she was a student nurse, and that my dad was her dad. She had Alzheimers. Sadly, her daughter has developed early onset Alzheimers too. Its not consistant.....my granny had the most amzing sense of humour right up until the end, and while most of the time she didn't have a clue who I was (she usually seemed to think I was a taxi driver) sometimed she remembered I was her grandaughter, and would give my 20p for the petrol (about a 70 mile round jouney) and tell me to treat myself to tea and cake or a lipstick with the change.

She weighed about five and a half stone and started to lose more because she would go days and days without eating because she thought she'd just had breakfast or it was ''nearly lunch time'' and didn't believe in eating between meals.

She then started shoving worn knickers behind the radiators because she didn't know what else to do with them..even though my aunt went three times a week (this was a sheltered flat, sort of like what PN thinks her Old would prefer) she didn't realise for a while, thinking it was just old woman smell and arranged more cleaning...and then the rads came on for winter ....we need a puking smiley.

edit: physically she was ok, but skinny, right to the last fortnight really. Even then, I think that it was lack of exercise in the secure place that slowed her down at all. She was always a busy, active bird.

zagubov

sss555s wrote: »

They are bound to hate it at first as it's a change in surroundings and routine.

Anywhere really needs 6 months to a year to settle in and give it a good shot unless there are other serious issues.

Do you really think it would be much different elsewhere?

Absolutely spot-on! Old's initial response to this change was bound to be negative, but she'll soon adapt to this.

Worked many moons ago in an old people's home and psychogeriatric hospital (other end of the country from you I think). It takes time but people adapt to the routine and as it bercomes more familiar, they get more comfortable with it. The people who don't are the very people who shouldn't and they can very well look after themselves. This doesn't sound like your description of your mum.

She's in the right place, she just needs time to realise it!

tomterm8

GDB2222 wrote: »

So, she was fit enough physically to walk 6 miles, and she was fit enough mentally to blag her way out. Just explain again why she had to be in the home in the first place?

I don't know the reason LiR's grandparents were in a home, but with dementia patients it is fairly common their abilities don't degrade at the same rate. So, someone can still interact and seem like they are normal... but wander off, forgetting they have put a kettle on the gas, and almost burn the house down.

Wandering is a common phase of being a dementia patient...

Edit: LiR got there ahead of me.

Davesnave

GDB2222 wrote: »

So, she was fit enough physically to walk 6 miles, and she was fit enough mentally to blag her way out. Just explain again why she had to be in the home in the first place?

People on the edge of dementia have good & bad days. Sometimes it looks inappropriate to keep them in a residential home setting, but on the bad days there's no doubt that they are a potential danger to themselves.

Lir got there before me too!

PasturesNew

You can have all your marbles and be mobile and be in a home if you need 24/7 monitoring. My old's fine most of the time... then randomly does something bizarre and creates a major c0ck up. e.g. meds ... all going well, then loses the whole lot and found another random tablet in another box and said that was the missing one.... still not found the actual lost one (5 days on) and come this weekend the old would have probably taken that incorrect tablet thinking it was the lost one.

My old's also turned the fire on, then off .... and then managed to turn it to gas only.

Old's also tried to force open the closed patio door and sliced their finger.... leaving blood trails round the house.

Today in the home, discovered a new "medical need" that I hadn't spotted.... but they did. The old has itchy skin apparently (news to me), they'd been itching then sticking a plaster on it and it was hidden by their top, but the home spotted the plaster and asked about it and it came out.

It's the small stuff that needs monitoring... most of the time stuff's OK, but there's all the random stuff that could happen if they were left alone.

Today the old had got themselves up and into yesterday's clothes (ready to go home). Their top was stained (don't ask what with, I doubt it was pleasant stuff). Managed to get them to change their top by selecting another - and created a "laundry basket" to toss that into.... speaking to the staff later it was remarked that there were no dirty knickers for them to collect/wash either, so the old's probably changing those once a week. Doesn't need help getting dressed, so I'd not noticed. Old produces a pile of washing that goes in the machine, but I'd not spotted a lack of cacks.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

. My old's fine most of the time... .

thing is, my experience suggests that this is unlikely to get better and is significantly likely to become an increasing tendency.