Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

lemonjelly

I'm annoyed about the forecast for tomorrow. I had a day on leave arranged for a game of golf. My playing partner has cancelled because of the forecast, leaving me with a wasted days leave. If the weather is ok tomorrow god help met office staff!

Also recently realised that I need my MOT doing soon & could've done with using that day to get the MOT done, but can't do a last minute bokking. Grrr!

SingleSue

Back from picking the wheelchair up....we survived! Although I did take a slight wrong turning and had to find somewhere to turn around. It's a nice chair although something I thought would be a bonus (nice deep seat), has turned out not to be so comfortable after sitting in the chair for more than a few minutes, easily sorted by putting a cushion behind my back though.

After picking the chair up, we then made our way to Curry's...not to shop or even window shop but for youngest son to look at the tablet pc's for reviewing purposes (it is his latest obsession).

Apparently I provided them with fun today! Think I officially have weird kids, fun from going into a shop to look at tablet pc's indeed.

lostinrates

I had a very fun day too. LydiaJ IS wonderful. Her children are just amazing little rays of sunshine and energy. I had a gulp of regret when they saw DH's trashed car...but they sat in it and played. Beautiful and well adjusted little people.

Spirit_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

The old has gone now.

I am very sorry to read of the passing of your 'old'.

On the death of my elderly mother I used the time of preparing for her funeral and the event itself to remind myself and everyone present that she had not always been 'old' but a daughter, sister, young mother, social drinker, trade union activist, wife of a difficult man, a leader in her own way and eventually the love of a kind man.

It helped to give direction to the services needed and choices of music, eulogy, speakers, words religious and poems. It was also cathartic.

Spirit

fc123

lostinrates wrote: »

I had a very fun day too. LydiaJ IS wonderful. Her children are just amazing little rays of sunshine and energy. I had a gulp of regret when they saw DH's trashed car...but they sat in it and played. Beautiful and well adjusted little people.

Oh Wow..a RL meet-up. Am 100% sure I am going to meet all the NP's some day...one by one though altogether would be fab.:D
I can only tick one off my list and the effort was all hers as she came to me.:o

I will pledge that if I ever get my dream house I will have a NP housewarming and make all the NP's feel really bad if they don't attend (excluding Gen as he is £1000 worth of airfare and 24 hours away). The dream house would be a 7 figure pile in Brighton on the cliff. Sadly it may never happen but it gets me up in the mornings.....

Special Girl I really want to meet too....and DogDog but I think I would be scaredy cat of Big Dog.

Generali wrote: »

I'd do the following:

- Make a list of people you know would want to know
- Ask remaining old if (s)he can think of anyone.
- Call them in turn with a timer or something so after five minutes you can say, "Sorry, I have to go. It's a busy time". Probably best not to use a timer with an alarm.
- Try to co-opt people in to helping you. Almost everyone says, "If there's anything I can do...". Say to them, "Actually there is, can you call I]insert name of person you don't want to talk to[/I and let him know?"
- If there's a pub/social club/group/sports club/church they used to frequent then let an landlord/organiser/team captain/vicar know so they can put the message around.

From experience I'd recommend having the wake in a pub. There's no clearing up, if it all gets too much you can leave everyone to it and as a smoker you can go outside for a cig to get away from people for a bit. It probably works out at the same cost because if it's at your/old's place then you have to pay for the food and drinks whereas in a pub people will buy their own drinks and the landlord might put on a few sandwiches for free because of the extra business you're bringing in.

My Dad's wake was at my mum's house, I just couldn't get away from anyone and it was all way too intense. The place was packed with people being nice about it when all I wanted was to drink 12 pints and fall into bed in a drunken stupor (see my previous post about how this is not a good way to cope with bereavement).

My personal opinion FWIW is that cremation is a bit less awkward. It has a finality to it which a burial doesn't. You might find that helpful with your specialness.

I'm thinking of you. Remember, this is time for you to have your grief not for other people to make demands of you.

Good tips I will file that away for reference one day...this thread is like a useful dictionary sometimes.

The pub idea is a really good one and my dads father had his in his local.

You can sort a deal with the LL to provide tea/coffee + sandwiches + pay to cover those costs which should be reasonable......then those that want to can use the bar and just PayGo.

In the home is tricky as there's the prep, the clearing up and the slight feeling of 'invasion' plus only one lav.

SS; Good to hear about the chair.....I guess the donation bit was OK in the end. They don't exepct serious wodges I am sure, just what you can afford.

In other news.....umm..not a lot but I'm building up into a panic over going away for A Whole Week...O M G. I am scared to go in case I return and it's all gone *whooosh* into smoke. 'It' being everything BTW.

Got no-one to feed the cat 's either as all the neighours all seem to be on one long holiday away all the time and the cat's seem to have turned into my 3 yr olds as I am getting quite neurotic about their care now the kids are big......do women transfer their caring to animals once the kids are big? Seems to be happening to me as Ginger has all these habits that I indulge and I am stressing (which is totally ridiculous) about his 'routine' and so on. Crazy.

But my book selection arrived from Amazon today and can't wait to get stuck in.

PasturesNew

Spirit wrote: »

I am very sorry to read of the passing of your 'old'.

On the death of my elderly mother I used the time of preparing for her funeral and the event itself to remind myself and everyone present that she had not always been 'old' but a daughter, sister, young mother, social drinker, trade union activist, wife of a difficult man, a leader in her own way and eventually the love of a kind man.

It helped to give direction to the services needed and choices of music, eulogy, speakers, words religious and poems. It was also cathartic.

Spirit

And I could probably do that if I weren't living in the house, caring for the remaining old, doing all the sorting out, all the admin, making all the calls, dealing with a frail old, shopping/cooking/cleaning, decluttering, trying to get some attendance allowance/whatever and mobility aids set up for the frail old, sorting out haircuts (old's not had it done professionally for 5+ years), outfits, flowers, and keeping an eye on the mental well-being of the remaining old as all this happens around them while they sit all day and look stunned and get dragged out here/there/everywhere as they aren't safe left alone for more than a short period.

To be honest, today if they'd had their dress on inside out I couldn't have cared enough to mention it to them and get them to turn it the right way out

PasturesNew

I kind of like the pub idea, but there are a few issues: [1] location/event is a 40 mile round trip from the house [2] date/it's peak silly season down these parts [3] we will have no idea until the day if it's "just us" or "just us plus a couple of mates" or "just us plus some random people that turn up to everyone's event". So it'd be some random pub we'd never visited and it'd be full of holidaymakers, so probably not easy to arrange.

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

this feels crazy but....I'm going out to the barn for some wood and I'm going to light dodgy woodburner.

Have I really got so soft this summer?

If you're soft then so am I. It was fine without the wood burner until the children got themselves wet, but after that it was lovely - and dried their clothes so fast, too.

lostinrates wrote: »

I had a very fun day too. LydiaJ IS wonderful. Her children are just amazing little rays of sunshine and energy. I had a gulp of regret when they saw DH's trashed car...but they sat in it and played. Beautiful and well adjusted little people.

Aww. What a lovely thing to say. Thank you. :beer:

We all had a fabulous day too. lir is the easiest person to take kids to visit. She's so welcoming to everyone, whatever their age, she provides ace food - and doesn't take offence if the small people like some of it but not other bits, and she's terrific at explaining the answers to all the questions my urban kids asked about all the unfamiliar rural things. We saw the bees, hens, geese, dogs, cats and horses, rode the horses, climbed all over the enormous pile of bales of hay, and generally had a wonderful time.

I don't think they realised the car had been crashed, just that it was a bit old and broken and no longer in use. Everything they did and saw was all so new and exciting that they didn't get bored, and they generally behave well when they're not bored, so they were great. They argued in the car a lot less on the way home than they had on the way there, too.

The house is fun - full of character both structurally and in terms of its contents, and her plans for doing it up make sense to me now. But I'm even more full of admiration for lir and fir taking on such a big project - everywhere we went, both in the house and outside - she kept saying "and this is going to be the....". I could see that the plans really hang together, and it will be fantastic when they arrive at what they're trying to achieve. But there's a lot of work to do to get there. So I'll be following progress with even more interest than previously.

fc123 wrote: »

Oh Wow..a RL meet-up. Am 100% sure I am going to meet all the NP's some day...one by one though altogether would be fab.:D
I can only tick one off my list and the effort was all hers as she came to me.:o

I will pledge that if I ever get my dream house I will have a NP housewarming and make all the NP's feel really bad if they don't attend (excluding Gen as he is £1000 worth of airfare and 24 hours away). The dream house would be a 7 figure pile in Brighton on the cliff. Sadly it may never happen but it gets me up in the mornings.....

Special Girl I really want to meet too....and DogDog but I think I would be scaredy cat of Big Dog.

I will come to your housewarming if and when you have it.

DogDog is lovely, and so is Big Dog. She's huge, but so very gentle, and friendly in an unassuming sort of way. Anyone who's confident with smaller dogs couldn't help but stop feeling scared of her within the first couple of minutes. Oh, and prepare to be jealous - I have not only met Special Girl but ridden on her and fed her apples.

My own news for today is that my solar panels have now got a date. They are going to be fitted on Tuesday 6th Sept. I didn't pick the date - they allocated it to me and asked if it was OK - but it couldn't be better. My kids go back to school on Monday 5th, when I have meetings in school all day. That Tuesday I would normally be working but it will be an admin sort of day for tutors to have meetings in year groups and stuff, and boarders' travelling day, with lots going on in the houses, and I won't be needed since I don't have a tutor group. So it's ideal for the panels as I'll be at home but the kids will be out at school.

GDB2222

lostinrates wrote: »

I had a very fun day too. LydiaJ IS wonderful. Her children are just amazing little rays of sunshine and energy. I had a gulp of regret when they saw DH's trashed car...but they sat in it and played. Beautiful and well adjusted little people.

Yes, Lydia sounds lovely. I'm delighted to hear that she is as lovely as she sounds.


BTW: Today the dishwasher fetish reached extremes. We had one place free in the dishwasher, so I took DW's plate away even though she was still eating off it (only fruit mind you). I was then able to turn on the dishwasher, but DW complained so I had to give her a clean plate from the cupboard. How sad is that!!!!! :rotfl:

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

I kind of like the pub idea, but there are a few issues: [1] location/event is a 40 mile round trip from the house [2] date/it's peak silly season down these parts [3] we will have no idea until the day if it's "just us" or "just us plus a couple of mates" or "just us plus some random people that turn up to everyone's event". So it'd be some random pub we'd never visited and it'd be full of holidaymakers, so probably not easy to arrange.

I hadn't thought of that....must be like living in a theme park for the summer around your way ...the downside of having tourism as the main industry in the area. Shame as it could have been one of the least hassle options.

Do you have a location yet for the service etc?
In the house would do my head in.........is there anyone else who could provide space/venue local to the service.....local restaurant that isn't busy in the mornings say? It must be hard dealing with this this when well old requires 100% attention.

PasturesNew wrote: »

And I could probably do that if I weren't living in the house, caring for the remaining old, doing all the sorting out, all the admin, making all the calls, dealing with a frail old, shopping/cooking/cleaning, decluttering, trying to get some attendance allowance/whatever and mobility aids set up for the frail old, sorting out haircuts (old's not had it done professionally for 5+ years), outfits, flowers, and keeping an eye on the mental well-being of the remaining old as all this happens around them while they sit all day and look stunned and get dragged out here/there/everywhere as they aren't safe left alone for more than a short period.

To be honest, today if they'd had their dress on inside out I couldn't have cared enough to mention it to them and get them to turn it the right way out

Awwww PN.....it's so hard for both of you. Can't offer anything but a (()) as I can only imagine what it must be like.

Time for some sibling action...any chance you could ask one to come down for a few days......one of them must be able to get special leave from work.