Benbenandme's Next Installment ...

benbenandme

Thankyou both, yep, after the events of the last 12 months I wouldn't put anything past him anymore. Part of the reason I am so uneasy is that I still want to trust him, I still see the person I fell in love with and want him to be that person but he's not I struggle to accept sometimes that he is so capable of lies, even yesterday when we were talking about one conversation we had on the phone soon after his arrest I said that he seemed very convincing, and he said "oh I know, I convinced everybody, I was good" :eek: :mad: He doesn't even pretend he wasn't lying anymore, but he says that because he's come clean about everything now that he's not like that anymore and he has learnt from his mistakes and wants to support ds more :cool: Think I have every reason to be wary don't I!!

benbenandme

So I had a phone conversation with him today, I had thought things through and was confused; he has said he wants us to get on amicably, he wants to be more involved etc etc but has also said he prefers it when we have no communication between us, he doesn't like having to spend any time with me etc ... So I asked him what it was that he wants as they are quite contradictory, and he said he didn't know, he wants more involvement, wants to be kept more informed about ds life, but can't be doing with me stressing him out, with the way I speak to him, with me criticising things he does/doesn't do for ds. He said he's happy to meet up occasionally to discuss ds but it would need to be like a business meeting, almost with bulletpoints of what the issue is and how we plan to solve it and thats it, doesn't want any chitchat, doesn't want to spend longer there than necessary etc :cool: :mad:

As much as I had hoped we could start to move forward and be more amicable as parents I think already that has been exposed as an impossibility, he's incredibly arrogant and doesn't understand that I don't want his involvement, I don't want to be updating him on all the details of ds life; he says he wants to support ds at home, and I asked how he intends to do that if we never speak / see each other?? He said he didn't know but as his parent "he has rights" :cool: :cool: yeah, and ds has the right to a decent bloody parent too and one who doesn't continually put down his mother :mad: :mad: He saud he wants to know when ds appointments are with camhs, I said I dont know yet, but anyway, when he had them before when he was assessed a couple of years back he never came to those appointments so why is this different? He said he dind't know when they were which is complete lies, as I told him and phoned him after each one and told him what they had said. He's a complete and utter arrogant compulsive liar :mad: :mad: :mad:

We also got ds school shoes sorted today and his trainers (£34 and £6), there was no one else in the kids part of Clarks which was a pleasant surprise at this time of year Treated him to McD's after (£4.50) and picked up some bits in Asda (£13) inlcuding a pressie for a friend who had a baby girl today :T

superpup

Hello, nothing useful to add except that I can't believe someone as nice as you ended up with such a c0ck. x

benbenandme

Thanks Superpup, you can understand my reticance with getting involved with another bloke can't you? :cool:

superpup

benbenandme wrote: »

Thanks Superpup, you can understand my reticance with getting involved with another bloke can't you? :cool:

Yes but make sure you don't settle for 'he'll do, he's better than my ex' because you deserve a shed load more than that and he's out there somewhere. x

Triciaxx

((hugs)) Not an easy one to sort but can I suggest that you would not be out of line to insist on all discussions to be in writing - email would be fine as you can save everything - preferably print it out as well as saving on disk.

At the moment, you have got a situation where it is your word against his and you already know how plausible he can be. If this comes up as a grievance against you, you can say (and it is true) that his sudden change in attitude towards involvement made you confused and you really felt you wanted to have time to think about each point before you responded. You did not want DS to go through any disappointment if the change didn't last.

He says "but it would need to be like a business meeting, almost with bulletpoints of what the issue is and how we plan to solve it and thats it, doesn't want any chitchat, doesn't want to spend longer there than necessary etc" so what could be more business like than documentation.

I know it is hard but he seems to be after his 'rights' not what is best for DS. I think what I am really trying to get to is that you should stall till his sentencing and that you should not support him in any way that may get his sentence reduced - if you do, you have allied yourself with him and, if he is manipulating you, will find it difficult to get out of anything you agree.

Are you getting the impression that I've been lied to in the past? How perceptive of you! :rotfl:

benbenandme

Thankyou, yep I am going to back off a lot from conversations for now, I think the recent thaw in frostiness is purely down to him trying to look out for number one, to try to soften me up to help him get a lower sentence and to protect his mothers visiting rights if he goes away :cool: Silly me for believing it could possibly be about ds :mad:

Back from WW and I put on half a pound this week I'm a bit annoyed as I have been pretty good this week, I have stuck to my points all week but I haven't done any exercise, so you know what the next week holds don't you ....

Kittikins

Oh Benben, so sorry your ex has already shown his spots are still there I agree, get everything in writing. I only communicate with my ex by text, probably should move to email but I can't be bothered to ask him for his email address!!

benbenandme

I feel like I'm in a washing machine today, the rain is torrential and hasn't stopped all day I need to pop over the road for some milk but have been waiting for it to ease off a bit, but several hours later and it shows no sign so far :cool: Luckily we didn't have anything planned today, several roads nearby have been closed because of flooding so am glad we can just stay put

I have decided I'm cutting contact with the ex after all, I will inform him of ds appointments but thats it, other than that it will revert to how its been for the last 12 months, I was much happier when I didn't have to deal with him and he's had a chance and already I'm feeling too stressed out because of him and I don't want to go back to that. Itried to call him to tell him but I got his voicemail and he hasn't bothered to reply yet, which is a typical mind game of his, he is surgically attached to his phone at all times and never misses calls when it suits :cool: I already feel better though for making the decision

Keeping_Motivated

BB I wonder if his 'I don't want any involvement with your only business like' attitude is actually because of his girlfriend and her feeling threatened by you two having a good relationship?