Yet more financial faux pas and many other disasterous decisions

Wordsmith

moo2moo wrote: »

Not only is it his first ultimatum its the only one hes getting. I've had enough. More than enough in fact.

This is good. Not the situation, of course, but your determination. I just wanted to know that there haven't been ultimatums and back-downs before, because if there had been there would be no need for him to change his behaviour. I hope now he knows you mean business.

I am assuming that you want the ultimatum to be the kick up the backside that he needs and that he acts to turn the situation around, and therefore I hope for all your sakes that it works. It'll be tough, whichever way it goes, but you know that. Don't back down now that you are headed on the right road ahead for you and your girls, whichever way it takes you. And don't ever forget that you do have the guts to follow that road.

You'll come out the other end of this just fine.

Double_Trouble

Hugs from me too don't know what to say but I am confident that you will do what is right for both you and the girls

DTxx

MrsMoo2U

Popping out of lurkdom to say that you are on the right road. Big hugs. Getting angry at yourself can be a good starting point to turn things around but under no circumstances should you feel responsible for OH. Stick to the ultimatum, be prepared for it to go differently to how you might want it to go but be strong. Having been through a similar situation (all be it violence rather than alcohol) I can promise you that whatever the outcome life will improve now you are taking control of the situation. It might not seem like that for a while which is why you need to stay strong.

Triciaxx

Another emerging from lurkdom to say that I have long admired your determination to hold things together and have been concerned on your behalf.

As someone who has been in that situation (not alcohol but women + the spend, spend, spend) I don't think you have much choice. If you withdraw the ultimatum things will NOT change.

Eager_Elephant

(((Moo)))

I am so sorry you are back at this stage again.

Last time he stopped drinking it appeared that this lasted a while but then he went back to work and you were worried he would start again - I assume this is what happened and it built up gradually again?

What are the triggers for him drinking?

Did he go back to AA?

I hope he has not physically touched you again - if he has then this really should be the last straw.

Hope you can sort something out before the DD's are back.

EE

Trying_to_be_good

Moo - hugs as always, and make sure you make time for you as well as venting anger through tidying.

chevalier

I hope you have the courage to maintain your ultimatum, and yes gut the rooms to make it easier FOR HIM TO PACK.....
good luck
chev

moo2moo

Thanks guys.

Its been an interesting sort of a day. Walked in the door to an OH on the war path. Walked rapidly out the door with the hound from hell to calm down having spontaneously erupted. Reappeared several hours later to find the house totally and utterly devoid of Land Rover bits. Tis astounding how big the place actually is. OH has packed but has neglected to take his bag with him. Me thinks there are more fireworks to come.

Once I'd calmed down it was all surprisingly civilised. Its not quite the way I'd anticipated spending this years wedding anniversary but I did manage to get a fabulous nights sleep in DD2s extremely tidy bedroom. Woke up feeling on top of the world... feel like I've lost everything but I haven't actually lost anything that matters apart from what used to be my best friend. Think thats going to be the hardest bit.

Not sure if this is a temporary thing or a permanent one. OH isn't someone the DDs need in their lives right now. Whether he can revert back to the person he used to be before alcohol took a hold is another matter entirely.

Now need to get my head around the very basics. At this point in time I'm two weeks from payday and can lay my hands on £500 give or take a bit. My biggest and yet the easiest to solve headache is him not being around to look after the DDs whilst I'm at work. It'll take a lot of phone calls but I'm pretty sure I can arrange for them to spend mornings at friends houses and then bring the friends home to play for the afternoon or another day entirely. Equally my dads not overly busy at the mo. so he'd drop everything and come to stay if I asked him.

Haven't any big bills to come with the exception of the stuff I've bunged on the credit card which ranges from DDs new uniform to a car service and comes to something approaching £450. Will need to dig out the receipts and figure out exactly how much this is. Absolute worst case I have £50 to last a fortnight. I have £30 worth of E-bay auctions ending today which will bump that up nicely and I'm sure I can dig up at least another £50 if I have to. Its not a lot but it is enough to cover everything we need between now and payday. Need to get my head around the finances asap. Will shop this afternoon to stock up on absolute essentials that way at least I'll know theres enough food in the house to cover the next fortnight. All the bills are up to date and on automatic payments so just need to make sure I leave enough in the bank to cover those. May well need to transfer my everyday money to an alternative account just to make sure I can't spend what I haven't got.

Have lots of seeds left over and its still earliry enough in the year to plant another few rows of beans, peas and beetroot plus I'm pretty sure there are lots of other things that will give me a late summer crop. The more stuff we can grow the better and the sooner I make a start on that the sooner we can eat it which will make money go an awful lot further.

Its looking like I'm going to be spending my mornings at work, my afternoons in the garden and my evenings doing housey things. At least theres no chance of me not being occupied. Am going to blow what little remaining Amazon credit I have on the next book in the Hovel in the Hills series which will give me something to look forward to. Its a small thing but I think I'm going to need it.

I now have four days left to get myself to a point where the DDs and I can have a fresh start. Need to get my head in order before telling them. The last thing I need to do is to cry whilst telling them which means the tears will all be over and done with by Tuesday. Thats long enough. OH isn't dead, well the part of him I fell in love with is, but the rest of hims still about. Need to make sure that they know they can see as much of him as and when they want to and they can phone him at any time because at the end of it all hes still there dad.

and finally .... chick #3 didn't make it. Mummy hen abandoned it to bring the other two downstairs for food. She more than a bit miffed that one of the chicks has defected and was happily hopping up and down under the protective wings of another very broody hen. Less chance of the cat getting them now that they're separated though and mum only has to look after one chick.

Eager_Elephant

((Moo))

Glad you are back on this morning.

So OH is going - was this discussed/shouted about or has he made the decision himself as he can stick to the ultimatum.

I think it says a lot that you are thinking of the practicalities and how to tell DD's than what a loss it is to you (except for child care). Maybe this is what has been needed for a long time whether it be permanent or temporary.

Chciks/hens/turkeys are all a bit fickle aren't they. We had one turkey who hatched 10 chicks, 3 disappeared so she has reared 7 but now she has also taken on the 20 that we hatched in the incubator - she has one large brood!!! :rotfl:

Then another one hatched 9, 2 died so she has 7 and then another turkey hatched 3 but 2 died so she only has 1.
One night mum to 7 flew in to the next field and I could not get her back so mum of one had to look after 8 for the night and then mum came home in the morning so now they share which makes it easier for mum of 7.

Then I had 2 turkeys on loads of eggs but each time one hatched they killed them (probably too clumsy), they eventually managed to get one hatched but when I went up the other day it was missing so not sure if a rat took it or something else. Now these two are walking round like they have sore heads and keep trying to take some of the others by enticing them over to them!!!

And then to top it all my silkie hatched 3 chicks but then 1 managed to drown in the water. And of course these chicks are so tiny am worried sick about them. Is it your silkie that has hatched some?

EE

pennywisepoundstupid

Morning moo, sending you huge hugs, is their anyone you can talk to between now and DD getting home (friends, mum etc) if you have talked it through with someone it might make it a bit easier when the girls come home and start asking questions IYKWIM (might already have some of the answers ready in your head).

Your a fighter moo and your going to get through this and YOU will be soo much stronger by the end of it (not that your not strong now) and in the long run the girls will be fine and will understand. I wish my mum had been as strong as you and not just put up with it.