Fec kless teenager!!! So mad at my son!

ciderwithrosie_2

Of course I have double standards, I'm a mother! As I said, I created him (with help from hubby) and I think he's gorgeous...naturally. I'm sure my mother feels exactly the same about my piercings, infact I know she does, as she's told me.

I'm also a realist. If an employer has two identically qualified and suitable candidates for a job with direct contact with the public - one has piercings and dyed hair and the other doesn't have any visible alterations, then you can pretty much guarantee who they're going to choose. Unless its the type of job or business where it would be acceptable or even advantageous to have piercings and dyed hair, but there's not many of those jobs about.

make_me_wise

thegoodlifewannabe wrote: »

Well my kids don't swear at me and they know if they have crossed the line. Too many kids think that it is alright to stand there swearing at there mothers he should have some respect for her. My parents taught me right from wrong and i wouldn't have dreamt of swearing at my parents cause i would have got a slap.

I agree that too many kids are disrespectful and that swearing at anyone is not acceptable. I dont think that it is okay to respond to someone swearing at you by hitting them though.

If you cant discipline your child verbally, you are out of control and they will never respect you. I think violence like that is completely unecessary and abhorent. I wouldn't have dreamt of swearing at my mum or dad either. It would never have crossed my mind that if I stepped out of line I could expect to be slapped round the face though. It was my parents that taught me that violence towards anyone was not justified, regardless of the situation. If they had ever lost it and slapped me round the face I would have had nothing more to do with them instantly. I also wouldn't have thought twice about reporting them to the police for that kind of action.

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this. We were obviously raised very differently.

dirtysexymonkey

elisebutt65 wrote: »

I've sort of compromised at the mo and put the XBox in the living room, so he can only use it when no-one else needs to be in there.

He doesn't get money from me (checks purse) so I have no idea? I think his grandad (paternal) has been putting some in his bank, in lieu of his dad paying maintenance (another Aaaargh )

My dad has told him ( not asked. Lol) that he is coming to them for a fortnight to do labouring for 2.50 hour/40 hour week. My brothers FiL has also said that there is some agricultural labouring going nearby ( in Scotland - Eeeeeee).

So after a fortnight at his dads, where he's pretty much allowed to do what he likes, I'm taking him up to my parents in rural Herefordshire and leaving him to their tender mercies.

I'll bet he'll be grateful for a Sat job after that (evil snigger). He did the same to me when I turned 14 and I made sure I had a Sat and summer job always lined up after that!

At 16, he is plenty old enough to get a Sat job. I'm not asking for any keep until he's finished education. MacDonalds aren't recruiting here, but he's applied online for them to keep his details.

He gets no money from me since his 16th, I don't buy him junk and if he needs clothes then it's repair or replace at the minute. The only expensive things he's had recently is a suit for prom/interviews/ uncle's wedding. I refused to buy the £90 shoes he wanted so he wore plimsolls ( his choice) I was going to get him some perfectly wearable shoes but he didn't like them!

seems like a nice family. dad who doesnt pay maintenence and a grandad who exploits his grandchildren by demanding they work for under the minimum wage. does this poor kid have any decent role models?

shirlgirl2004

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

seems like a nice family. dad who doesn't pay maintenence and a grandad who exploits his grandchildren by demanding they work for under the minimum wage. does this poor kid have any decent role models?

I won't comment on the father but a 16 year old working for £2.50? I don't see anything wrong with that. After all he is 16 years old and has little or no work experience. The truth is initially he will probably be a liability. Hopefully by the end of his time there he will shape up and maybe even earn a bonus.

Personally I'd tell him piercings and dyed hair are a luxury he can't afford if they are stopping him getting a job.

I had to take the hard line with my DS. He finished A levels at nearly 18 and I let him have the summer off. It got to December and I told him it was time to shape up or ship out. I gave him a week to get a job or at least to have completed an application form or 2. He did nothing so I told him he had to leave. He wandered the streets for one night :eek:. He came back in the morning and within a week he had a job at McDs. He spent 18 months, which he hated, in that job before he moved on to a job with real prospects. Now at the age of 21 he has just bought his own house with his girlfriend. Tough love was the hardest thing I have ever done and I don't think I'd even recommend it but it worked.

1echidna

shirlgirl2004 wrote: »

I won't comment on the father but a 16 year old working for £2.50? I don't see anything wrong with that. After all he is 16 years old and has little or no work experience. The truth is initially he will probably be a liability. Hopefully by the end of his time there he will shape up and maybe even earn a bonus.

Personally I'd tell him piercings and dyed hair are a luxury he can't afford if they are stopping him getting a job.

I had to take the hard line with my DS. He finished A levels at nearly 18 and I let him have the summer off. It got to December and I told him it was time to shape up or ship out. I gave him a week to get a job or at least to have completed an application form or 2. He did nothing so I told him he had to leave. He wandered the streets for one night :eek:. He came back in the morning and within a week he had a job at McDs. He spent 18 months, which he hated, in that job before he moved on to a job with real prospects. Now at the age of 21 he has just bought his own house with his girlfriend. Tough love was the hardest thing I have ever done and I don't think I'd even recommend it but it worked.

You just got to hope he doesn't return the tough love when your 80 and disabled and need some shopping.

shirlgirl2004

1echidna wrote: »

You just got to hope he doesn't return the tough love when your 80 and disabled and need some shopping.

It's about balance. Since then on many an occassion I have driven the 3 hour round trip to pick him up from work because he can't get the train with all the gear he has to carry. We've helped decorate their new home and given them £2k towards doing it up and loads of other mundane things that we all do for our children when they live with us. So yes I can be tough but I also show my love in what I say and do. If I hadn't forced him to get a job he'd still be sat in his bedroom now. I'm sure if I asked him he'd say in hindsight I did him a favour.

MessyMare

My ex OH was a bit like this. He had a job following on from work experience, but one day he decided he couldn't be bothered anymore and just stopped going. Sigh. (He was 19 when I dated him). He never bothered to get a part time job throughout my time with him (I think he half heartedly enquired about a few things; there was one thing he loved but eventually couldn't be bothered to put together the image they required as an application). I have had a job since I was 13, most I hated with a passion but now I'm working in a job I love, because I got off my backside, got some experience, did a course off my own back and did have a little bit of luck in spotting the vacancy.

The annoying thing is when people just can't be bothered to even try; I'm very lucky and fell on my feet with a lot of jobs, but I still had to put the effort in to make myself employable and get those interviews in the first place. When I have kids I hope I can pass my work ethic onto them (which in turn I got from my parents).

thegoodlifewannabe

make_me_wise wrote: »

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this. We were obviously raised very differently.

Don't judge the way i was brought up. most people are violent towards other people now. People have tried to hit, Punch etc my husband at work just because of technical issues with where he works. Preventing them doing what they had planned. These are the kind of people who need a smack. Whos parents wouldn't lay a finger on them and they think they can do what they want.

I only have to look at my kids a certain way and they stop i have them under control, but if they ever did anything like that i would slap them he is 16 years old and if he goes off like that in the real world someone will turn round and do alot worse to him.

make_me_wise

thegoodlifewannabe wrote: »

Don't judge the way i was brought up. most people are violent towards other people now. People have tried to hit, Punch etc my husband at work just because of technical issues with where he works. Preventing them doing what they had planned. These are the kind of people who need a smack. Whos parents wouldn't lay a finger on them and they think they can do what they want.

I only have to look at my kids a certain way and they stop i have them under control, but if they ever did anything like that i would slap them he is 16 years old and if he goes off like that in the real world someone will turn round and do alot worse to him.

Fortunately I am not one of your teenagers who you feel the need to 'control'. So whether you like it or not I will draw my own conclusions about the way you were raised from what you write in your posts.

You come onto an open forum and say that if your kids swore at you, you would slap them round the face. Then in a later post you told all of us that had you done that to your parents you would have expected a slap. So the way you were raised has effected how you deal with your own kids.

Have you really never considered why these people your husband works with, lash out when things dont go right for them. Maybe they learnt, when their parents slapped them for not doing as they were meant to, that you deal with conflict by being violent.

Violence doesn't solve anything. It just creates a vicious circle of dealing with situations badly. As your posts prove.

The bit I have quoted above says it all really. Why is your first reaction to your kids not behaving well to give them an awful look or slap them. You could just try talking things through and reasoning with them.

I wont be drawn into this any further. I have my views and you have yours.

thegoodlifewannabe

yes my sister in law reasons with her daughter who kicks and smacks her mother and she talks to her and she carries on. I have seen people with kids in the street shouting, screaming laying on the floor having a paddy and there mothers trying to reason with them.
My kids dont do that. I never did that.
These are the people who don't get there own way and shout and scream when they are older.
I bet you are the first to kick off when something goes wrong.:p