Fec kless teenager!!! So mad at my son!

elisebutt65

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

It's not that my son doesn't want to work. OK, he's not trying as hard as maybe he could, but there's just nothing much about atm especially when you've not got any real work experience or exam results yet. He took over his brother's paper round at 12 (supposed to be 13 I know) and kept that up until he was getting less and less papers to deliver and it wasn't worth his while. None of the supermarkets are hiring here, although his dad is keeping his ear to the ground at his place, it's not a tourist place so no seasonal work even.

There's nothing much either here, which is why I was overjoyed for him to get 2 days at Next - at least he'd have something on his CV, plus some money to buy the concert ticket (Enter Shikari?) he's been nagging bout - he aint getting it off me for sure!

I do give him pocket money and buy his clothes/toiletries still - I did the same for the other two until they had their own money. He's my child, I'm not going to see him going round in rags and having no social life, it's not his fault the economy's a mess, in my era you could leave school one day and be working the next and I had various part-time jobs from age 13.

My son doesn't go round in rags, I just buy him clothes in the sale from H & M or George - I'm not forking out £85 for Nudie jeans. What I buy is suitable for purpose. I still buy his toothpaste and roll on etc - if he wants to have Lynx instead, then he can get that himself!I also get him his spot stuff, but it's Boots Witch Hazel NOT Clearasil.

Basically I've down-branded all of us as I'm not on a huge salary. He moans about me getting a new handbag - well excuse me - I earn the money and if I want to spend it on a bag that was reduced from £95 to £26, then I'm darned well going to!

I am NOT going to fund his social life - EVER!!!! I pay for clubs, like DS2's fencing, but I am not going to pay for him to go to concerts with his mates, or for him to stuff his face at McVomits, when there is food in the house.

He knows how to cook the basics now and is capable of getting stuff out the freezer, fridge and cupboard and putting it together. I always cook tea and if there's a friend here, they get offered some. The only stipulation I make is that he tells me if there's only a little left or if he uses something all up.

I just want him to go out to work 1 or 2 days a week to pay for the non-essentials, develop a sense of self worth and learn how to contribute to society!

Is that too much to ask?

Peanuckle

I have 3 teens all looking for jobs now.

Daughter is 17 and starting at college in September (guaranteed place), she went out and got herself a casual job at the local football club waitressing on match days and she applys for at least 10 part time jobs a week. She's very determined to get a job to run alongside her college course, to be honest her biggest problem is she looks a lot younger than she is which puts some employers off.

Her twin brother is so laid back he's almost comatose, he'd play football for the rest of his life if he could. Therefore we have a deal, I help him find jobs and he applys, but thanks to the careers advisors at school drilling it into them that they should be looking for a job for life, he is put off applying for things like McDonald's as he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life working there :cool:It's taken a lot of explaining to get him to understand that you can carry on looking for a more enjoyable job while you're employed and it's ok to quit once you have something better to move onto. He has ADHD and development delay which is holding him back but we're still encouraging him to apply for any job he can do.

Our eldest is 18 and looking for a full time job (he's hoping to go back to college but there are a few problems with funding). He has Asperger's and therefore should be entitled to help from the job centre as a disabled person. When I rang them they said he has to have been trying to get work for 2 years before they'll get involved :mad:
He needs pushing to apply and help finding vacancies and on wording the application but we've always taught him that his problems are a challenge not an excuse and he's trying hard. Got an interview last week for an IT apprenticeship, the interviewer was very positive and said they'd be in touch within a few days and he was "perfect for the job"..........guess what? No contact, not even an email to say thanks but no thanks :mad: It's hard to get him to understand why they would say he was getting the place and then not get in touch.

It's never easy but you have to encourage them to keep trying, maybe make a deal, if he applys for at least a job a day then you'll lay off the nagging and if he gets an interview then he writes the details down on a calendar where you can see it so you can remind him where to be and when (bribery works on this one )

Miss.Sian-Marie

Jobs don't always need to be advertised.

I printed off my CV, wrote covering letters and posted all the local businesses in the areas an application saying I'd be grateful if they could consider me a possible applicant for any potential vacancy. It shows that you're keen and are really trying!

There may be jobs in post rooms in call centres etc so everything is worth bearing in mind

elisebutt65

Miss.Sian-Marie wrote: »

Jobs don't always need to be advertised.

I printed off my CV, wrote covering letters and posted all the local businesses in the areas an application saying I'd be grateful if they could consider me a possible applicant for any potential vacancy. It shows that you're keen and are really trying!

There may be jobs in post rooms in call centres etc so everything is worth bearing in mind

I know - I went hand delivering CV's with him a few weeks ago - I think we gave out about 50-75. Too late though as most of the summer jobs went before he turned 16.

make_me_wise

Does he have things far to easy at home? Is every need met, week in week out without him even realising how much money and time is invested in making life so good for him?

How savvy is he with money. Does he have a clue how much things like utilities are. What a weekly shop costs. How much it costs to run a car.

I had no idea of these sort of things at his age. My folks soon put me right and made it clear to me that to afford and run my own home, run a car and enjoy a nice lifestyle I needed to work hard and aim high.

Maybe get him to think about something he would really like to do, like having driving lessons when he is 17 and getting his first car. Tell him all his friends will start doing this and that you are not going to cover the cost of it all by yourself. If he wants to keep up with his peers he needs to get a job to afford to do it. Reverse psychology works wonders with kids and teens.

ciderwithrosie_2

elisebutt65 wrote: »

My son doesn't go round in rags, I just buy him clothes in the sale from H & M or George - I'm not forking out £85 for Nudie jeans. What I buy is suitable for purpose. I still buy his toothpaste and roll on etc - if he wants to have Lynx instead, then he can get that himself!I also get him his spot stuff, but it's Boots Witch Hazel NOT Clearasil.

Basically I've down-branded all of us as I'm not on a huge salary. He moans about me getting a new handbag - well excuse me - I earn the money and if I want to spend it on a bag that was reduced from £95 to £26, then I'm darned well going to!

I am NOT going to fund his social life - EVER!!!! I pay for clubs, like DS2's fencing, but I am not going to pay for him to go to concerts with his mates, or for him to stuff his face at McVomits, when there is food in the house.

He knows how to cook the basics now and is capable of getting stuff out the freezer, fridge and cupboard and putting it together. I always cook tea and if there's a friend here, they get offered some. The only stipulation I make is that he tells me if there's only a little left or if he uses something all up.

I just want him to go out to work 1 or 2 days a week to pay for the non-essentials, develop a sense of self worth and learn how to contribute to society!

Is that too much to ask?

No, absolutely not. I wasn't having a go at you saying I don't want my son going round in rags etc. Somebody else was saying don't give them a penny and bill them for board and lodging so it was in answer to that really. I never pay much for clothes for him I can't afford to, so it's mostly sale stuff, Primark or Ebay. Was chuffed the other day as I bought him some plimsoll type shoes in New Look for 2 quid!

ciderwithrosie_2

make_me_wise wrote: »

Maybe get him to think about something he would really like to do

Hmmm, mine wants a job so he can save up for all the tattoos he wants done apparently :eek::wall:

juno

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

I don't think anyone would want to employ him now (where the public could see him anyway) as he has just had his septum pierced and has other piercings as well and bright red hair. I've got piercings myself but I have a job already!

I have piercings, including my septum, and I have a job dealing with the public. None of them mind, because none of them know. You can get special septum retainers, septum bullets, or even just flip up a circular barbell.

Stop being so judgemental.

System

I sympathise with your situation, ther is very few jobs around for the younger teenagers.
My daughter has sent out umpteen CVs and went round on 'CV-handing out' stints, but, to date, has had no offers and very few acknowledgements.
I have taken her on to work with me, but it's rather trying at times, and my job is only a few paid hours per week. Still, it's experience for her and she is learning, slowly but surely that continual texting is not conducive to a good working image!!
Linda x

ska_lover

I went through this op. I made my sons life as uncomfortble as poss, and gave him only basic rations etc, removed all priviliges, no internet, no friends over, till he sorted himself out. it worked!