OK following on from PT's post re affairs

POPPYOSCAR

Your situation just goes to show that not everything is so black and white in life.

I admire you for making such an effort to make your marriage work but do agree with the poster who asks why your OH is still seeing her for coffee- this has to stop.

Speaking from a personal point of view I would rather my parents had divorced than live the life they did and in many cases the children suffer because one or both parties use them as a weapon. If a split is managed responsibly then everyone can benefit from it - children included.

Anyway good luck, remember you only have one life and deserve to be happy.

gonzo127

BLUEBIE wrote: »

Following on from Plumpmouse saying what on earth does he see in her, He's actually said during Mc to the counciler he feels he was groomed by her, he's said she's coniving and I'm a nicer peron etc, BUT she seems like a bit of a drug to him and can drug addicts really give up? and do I wait around for it?

no usualy when the supply is still there for the taking.

to be honest although of course i do not know the total story and details behind this, from the little you have posted i personally cant see how this will ever work long term if she is still about, and contacting you !!!!!!.

i personally feel the best situation at the moment would probably be for him to move out, at least for a short time since by the sounds of things you currently do not have a happy home which is not good for the children

Pollycat

BLUEBIE wrote: »

Yep, he doesn't tell me, but it eats away at me as they work together so every so foten couple of weeks or so, I say, oh have you seen so and so, he trys to deny it sometimes but I know him too well. Oh also she lovers to send me little texts stating that they have met etc, every now and again!

I think this is possibly the most cruel and appalling thing I've ever read!

BLUEBIE wrote: »

Yes he knows he has asked her, she denied it said it was her husband, its a spare sim card, only used for tormenting me, if you know what I mean. Even the MG Counciller said it had to be her. Her Hubby wouldn't even have my number. I think my husband knows its her deep down.

Do you show your OH the texts?
Do the times she mentions they've met up tally with what your OH is doing?

If they do, how can he not believe that you are being mentally attacked by this woman in this way?

TBH, if he 'tries to deny' that he's meeting her, he's not committing to you 100%, is he?

balletshoes

BLUEBIE wrote: »

Following on from Plumpmouse saying what on earth does he see in her, He's actually said during Mc to the counciler he feels he was groomed by her, he's said she's coniving and I'm a nicer peron etc, BUT she seems like a bit of a drug to him and can drug addicts really give up? and do I wait around for it?

that just sounds like a big fat excuse to me - means he doesn't have to take the blame for his own actions.

honestly, if you feel its all you making the effort and he's not, discuss it at MC, thats what its for.

oh, and change your phone number and tell your OH no-one at work needs to know the new number!

BLUEBIE

Pollycat wrote: »

I think this is possibly the most cruel and appalling thing I've ever read!



Do you show your OH the texts?
Do the times she mentions they've met up tally with what your OH is doing? Shown him some and yes they tally and make sense

If they do, how can he not believe that you are being mentally attacked by this woman in this way? Denial I guess?

TBH, if he 'tries to deny' that he's meeting her, he's not committing to you 100%, is he?

Nope, I no they work togther, well in the same building but I can't see why he can't stay away from her.

cheepskate_2

o.p, you need to stop letting your hubby manipulate you.

If he wants to be in a relationship with you , then the contact with the mistress/friend stops- NOW- not when he feels like he can give her up or when it runs its course.

Change your phone number as well, because even if he does give up this mistress/friend she will still be able to call/text and it will send you loopy with untrust and you bet she will just to be evil.

If your hubby wont be totally loyal to you then i'm sorry but YOU need to call the shots, dont let him control the situation.

You need to end your relationship with him if he wont end it with the g/f

I know it is really difficult- and I speak from experience - but you and the children will manage to get over this if you decide to split.

For yourself you cant let a man put your self esteem down.

Let him see how green the grass is on your side when he doesnt have you.

FatVonD

It doesn't sound like he's totally disentangled himself from her and he could if he wanted to. If he really meant to make amends he should be thinking about changing jobs but that may not be possible in the current climate but he could, and should, be refusing to meet her or have anything to do with her. Is he not furious that she texts you or is he flattered?

BitterAndTwisted

He doesn't stay away from her because he doesn't want to. I think you need to find some reasons why he should.

BLUEBIE

So where do I go from here? Thats not a proper question I know know one can tell me what to do.

But I can demand this evening at MC that he has nothing more to do with her and he'll say ok, then what? I'll never know will I?

Or do I call it a day, cry my heart out, get on with my life and laugh my socks off when they have a miserable existance for the rest of their lives? This isn't just me being bitter, everything I have said about her is true, and it doesn't make pretty reading. Also he has very low self esteem and has suffered from clinical depression twice. I stood by and supported him through it all, which is why this feels like more of a kick in the teeth, that he can go off and do this when the going gets a bit tough yet I support him when he needs it.

gonzo127

BLUEBIE wrote: »

So where do I go from here? Thats not a proper question I know know one can tell me what to do.

But I can demand this evening at MC that he has nothing more to do with her and he'll say ok, then what? I'll never know will I?

Or do I call it a day, cry my heart out, get on with my life and laugh my socks off when they have a miserable existance for the rest of their lives? This isn't just me being bitter, everything I have said about her is true, and it doesn't make pretty reading. Also he has very low self esteem and has suffered from clinical depression twice. I stood by and supported him through it all, which is why this feels like more of a kick in the teeth, that he can go off and do this when the going gets a bit tough yet I support him when he needs it.

personally i think you need to explain how this situation makes you feel and ask him if he could move out for ~3-6 months to allow you to be able to think clearly and for him to make up his mind who is more important to him and who he wants

mainly because the situation as it is is not acceptable and is causing you more bitterness and resentment because he is still having contact with her