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OK following on from PT's post re affairs
BLUEBIE
Posts: 251 Forumite
I'm now going to put my life on the line, not just for the cc but also writing it down might help me see some answers.
I found out last year my husband had been meeting an emmotional affair with another woman for about a year. Nothing physical but equally as devastating.
We have a child and obviousley lots of years of marraige behind us. after talking I could understand how it had happened, he was feeling neglected, there was a lot going on in our lives at the time etc. She admitted she wanted to leave her husband and was on the look out for someone to pave the way for her so she could afford to leave.
Anyway after talking in depth me and H decided to try and make a go of it, work it out etc. Nearly a year on we are still struggling, mainly as I can't get over it and move on. The reason being they work togther and he still meets her for the odd coffee and talks to her, might be entirrely innocent, might not, after being lied to for alomst two years now I have no idea what to think anymore.
She's now left her hubby, my hubby says he wants us to work but I know he still has feeling for her. I don't know how much longer I can put up feeling like pooh. The not knowing constantly nags at me.
I'm trying to make it work for my childrens sake, I've read all the posts from people whose parents divorced on the other thread, but when is enough enough. I'm scared of making a mistake and throwing everything away as I know we still love each other but wonder if we JUST love each other as opposed to being in love with each other. But at the same time I just don't know if I can carry on with all the sick feelings inside me.
Thoughts? Will divorcing really ruin my children?
Just for the recoed so you can get a feel for the other woman, and this has come form her mouth! She said she purposely set out to make friends with him with this in mind, told other people that she wanted him to leave his wife before she even really knew him, has left her own 2 kids with her husband, and made friends with me and let me ferry her b rats about here there and everywhere. She's a bit of a keeper don't you think?
Sorry if that last bit came across as bitter, I am a bit!
Thanks for reading
B
I found out last year my husband had been meeting an emmotional affair with another woman for about a year. Nothing physical but equally as devastating.
We have a child and obviousley lots of years of marraige behind us. after talking I could understand how it had happened, he was feeling neglected, there was a lot going on in our lives at the time etc. She admitted she wanted to leave her husband and was on the look out for someone to pave the way for her so she could afford to leave.
Anyway after talking in depth me and H decided to try and make a go of it, work it out etc. Nearly a year on we are still struggling, mainly as I can't get over it and move on. The reason being they work togther and he still meets her for the odd coffee and talks to her, might be entirrely innocent, might not, after being lied to for alomst two years now I have no idea what to think anymore.
She's now left her hubby, my hubby says he wants us to work but I know he still has feeling for her. I don't know how much longer I can put up feeling like pooh. The not knowing constantly nags at me.
I'm trying to make it work for my childrens sake, I've read all the posts from people whose parents divorced on the other thread, but when is enough enough. I'm scared of making a mistake and throwing everything away as I know we still love each other but wonder if we JUST love each other as opposed to being in love with each other. But at the same time I just don't know if I can carry on with all the sick feelings inside me.
Thoughts? Will divorcing really ruin my children?
Just for the recoed so you can get a feel for the other woman, and this has come form her mouth! She said she purposely set out to make friends with him with this in mind, told other people that she wanted him to leave his wife before she even really knew him, has left her own 2 kids with her husband, and made friends with me and let me ferry her b rats about here there and everywhere. She's a bit of a keeper don't you think?
Sorry if that last bit came across as bitter, I am a bit!
Thanks for reading
B
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Comments
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Sorry about all the spelling mistakes! Its hard to type when you are shaking!0
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Thoughts? Will divorcing really ruin my children?
just a little snippet but the answer is a resounding NO.
as stated in the other thread my wife's ex left her and their kids (then aged 4 and 9) for his affair and they are/have turned out to be amazing young people as they are now 14 and 19.
when they was asked once they both agreed that its better to have happy parents who have split up than unhappy ones who are still together.Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
Why is your husband still meeting up for coffee with his ex-mistress if he's supposed to be working on his marriage with you? Does he know how you feel about that? Have you told him?0
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I'm now going to put my life on the line, not just for the cc but also writing it down might help me see some answers.
I found out last year my husband had been meeting an emmotional affair with another woman for about a year. Nothing physical but equally as devastating.
We have a child and obviousley lots of years of marraige behind us. after talking I could understand how it had happened, he was feeling neglected, there was a lot going on in our lives at the time etc. She admitted she wanted to leave her husband and was on the look out for someone to pave the way for her so she could afford to leave.
Anyway after talking in depth me and H decided to try and make a go of it, work it out etc. Nearly a year on we are still struggling, mainly as I can't get over it and move on. The reason being they work togther and he still meets her for the odd coffee and talks to her, might be entirrely innocent, might not, after being lied to for alomst two years now I have no idea what to think anymore. The odd coffee etc would have to stop for me. If he really wants to make it work with you his contact with her should be purely professional, he has no need to have any other relationship with her.
She's now left her hubby, my hubby says he wants us to work but I know he still has feeling for her. I don't know how much longer I can put up feeling like pooh. The not knowing constantly nags at me.
I'm trying to make it work for my childrens sake, I've read all the posts from people whose parents divorced on the other thread, but when is enough enough. I'm scared of making a mistake and throwing everything away as I know we still love each other but wonder if we JUST love each other as opposed to being in love with each other. But at the same time I just don't know if I can carry on with all the sick feelings inside me.
Thoughts? Will divorcing really ruin my children? Divorce is probably a better option for your children that staying in a unhappy marriage just for them
Just for the recoed so you can get a feel for the other woman, and this has come form her mouth! She said she purposely set out to make friends with him with this in mind, told other people that she wanted him to leave his wife before she even really knew him, has left her own 2 kids with her husband, and made friends with me and let me ferry her b rats about here there and everywhere. She's a bit of a keeper don't you think? Nice woman!!! What on earth does he see in her?
Sorry if that last bit came across as bitter, I am a bit!
Thanks for reading
B
I'm really sorry for what you are going through.
With regards to divorce and effect on children. If you can both maintain a good relationship it will be easier for them. I have seen a lot of issues/upset caused by warring parents who use the children as pawns against each other.
Good luckGive me the boy until he's seven and i'll give you the man.0 -
plumpmouse wrote: »With regards to divorce and effect on children. If you can both maintain a good relationship it will be easier for them. I have seen a lot of issues/upset caused by warring parents who use the children as pawns against each other.
oh this aswell, my wife did decide that although she was hurting about it all it should and would not impact on the contact between the children and himDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
Yep, he doesn't tell me, but it eats away at me as they work together so every so foten couple of weeks or so, I say, oh have you seen so and so, he trys to deny it sometimes but I know him too well. Oh also she lovers to send me little texts stating that they have met etc, every now and again!
We have MC tonight, might see that the counciller has to say, I feel like I'm the only one making an effort. I know all the things I have done wrong that has resulted in this and am trying to overcome them but I don't feel I'm getting the same commitment the other way round.
Basically I believe he doesn't know which side the grass is greener and doesn't want to jump either way and make a mistake. But I know how hard it will be if I make that decision. Also don't see why i should make the decision just becuase he's too much of a wimp to say it!0 -
Yep, he doesn't tell me, but it eats away at me as they work together so every so foten couple of weeks or so, I say, oh have you seen so and so, he trys to deny it sometimes but I know him too well. Oh also she lovers to send me little texts stating that they have met etc, every now and again!
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Good grief does he know she does this???
I really don't understand what he would find appealing if she behaves like this.
I'd text her back saying what hot sex you had last night!!! Only joking I wouldn't really as it would probably just make her worseGive me the boy until he's seven and i'll give you the man.0 -
Following on from Plumpmouse saying what on earth does he see in her, He's actually said during Mc to the counciler he feels he was groomed by her, he's said she's coniving and I'm a nicer peron etc, BUT she seems like a bit of a drug to him and can drug addicts really give up? and do I wait around for it?0
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plumpmouse wrote: »Good grief does he know she does this???
I really don't understand what he would find appealing if she behaves like this.
I'd text her back saying what hot sex you had last night!!! Only joking I wouldn't really as it would probably just make her worse
Yes he knows he has asked her, she denied it said it was her husband, its a spare sim card, only used for tormenting me, if you know what I mean. Even the MG Counciller said it had to be her. Her Hubby wouldn't even have my number. I think my husband knows its her deep down.0 -
Sounds like he knows who he should be with.
Has he considered looking for another job ( i know it isn't easy at the minute). He could probably do with having her out of his life completelyGive me the boy until he's seven and i'll give you the man.0
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