A little vent about irritating in-laws.

MamaMoo_2

She's tee total now, but up until a few years ago she was an alcoholic. She wasn't an awful parent, but she was rather negligent (my husband has been smoking since he was 7. When she eventually found out, as a punishment, she made his brother who was also caught, smoke a pack of 20 in quick succession until he threw up)
For the most part, I just ignore her now, or I'm disgustingly polite.
She thinks her son's wonderful whenever he sends flowers etc, and she loves her little stack of Christmas presents each year. My husband has only ever bought her one card (this mothers day, I'd decided I was finished with her. I told him it was mother's day, and he bought her a card when he was buying mine. It ended up getting sent about a month late.) she commented on the lack of the lovely big bunch of flowers she usually gets. My hubby's reply was "sorry. The wife orders and pays for them"
It amused me. Now she knows that I'm the one who always sent her expensive flower arrangements. If left to it, my husband is useless. This year for my birthday he bought me a frying pan. His reasoning "well, you said you liked that pan"
She'll realise fairly soon that she only gets phone calls because I tell hubby to call her, and she only gets presents because I go and buy them. Then she'll realise.
However, knowing she has a 3 hour drive home if she visits us is making me thing laxatives are a great idea...

cavework

TBH OP .. You are both women with an interest in one man. I don't know how old your MIL is but playing tit for tat will get you nowhere.
Instead of demanding your OH 'stands up' to his mother, stop trying to look for the reasons behind her behaviour. This is her problem NOT yours and the more you react the more you are encouraging this behaviour.
You are a grown up woman, a wife with a husband who loves you and a mother.
When MIL is a guest in your home, if she doesn't like what she see's then as an adult she is free to leave at any time. I would calmly point this out if things get heated
If you stop access to her grandchild you are playing straight into her hands, your child will always back MOM especially as they get older.
Start looking at this as the ADULT dealing with an immature insecure person who probably resents the fact that you are 100 times better at being a wife and mother than she ever was.
:A
xxx

MamaMoo_2

cavework wrote: »

TBH OP .. You are both women with an interest in one man. I don't know how old your MIL is but playing tit for tat will get you nowhere.
Instead of demanding your OH 'stands up' to his mother, stop trying to look for the reasons behind her behaviour. This is her problem NOT yours and the more you react the more you are encouraging this behaviour.
You are a grown up woman, a wife with a husband who loves you and a mother.
When MIL is a guest in your home, if she doesn't like what she see's then as an adult she is free to leave at any time. I would calmly point this out if things get heated
If you stop access to her grandchild you are playing straight into her hands, your child will always back MOM especially as they get older.
Start looking at this as the ADULT dealing with an immature insecure person who probably resents the fact that you are 100 times better at being a wife and mother than she ever was.
:A
xxx

I would never stop my son seeing her for no reason, the fact is, she frequently demeans me behind my back, and to my face she causes an atmosphere. These are both situations I don't want my son to be put into, and until she grows up and behaves like an adult, I'll be keeping him away from her. If, of course, she grows up and acts civilly, she will be more than welcome in my house.
I've never had a heated debate with her. I tend to sit there, act mature, and just vent about it later. This just stops it becoming too awkward for hubby.
There are certain people's wives in my family who are genuinely vile women, but the rest of the family all treat them kindly and respectfully, both out of decency, and because we know that they are important to our loved ones. I wish she had the politeness to do the same

cavework

Point of fact .. she is your MIL.. you married her son.
How you chose to handle this is up to you,
You can make a stand or allow this to continue .. you refuse to stand up to her there and then because
it becomes awkward for OH? Tough on him
Vile women in your family are allowed to get away with being vile because that is the polite way of handling people like this?
That would be forever then?
Unless you tell people face to face, you are not willing to allow them to treat you in this way and make them aware of how it makes you feel , there is no reason for them to change.

katie89

MamaMoo wrote: »

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know how you can bulk someone up without them realising?

My OH switched his !!!!! of an ex flatmates flour with flavourless weight-gain powder. How we managed to keep a straight-face when she started gushing about her low-fat cake/dinner/ whatever, i'll never know. :rotfl:


Your OH's family sound terrible! I think you are better off without them in your life, if that is at all possible.

MamaMoo_2

cavework wrote: »

Point of fact .. she is your MIL.. you married her son.
How you chose to handle this is up to you,
You can make a stand or allow this to continue .. you refuse to stand up to her there and then because
it becomes awkward for OH? Tough on him
Vile women in your family are allowed to get away with being vile because that is the polite way of handling people like this?
That would be forever then?
Unless you tell people face to face, you are not willing to allow them to treat you in this way and make them aware of how it makes you feel , there is no reason for them to change.

I'm not saying they're allowed to get away with being vile. What I'm saying is that in a day to day situation, they are included in conversation, treated kindly, and not made to feel awkward. They know how we feel, but at the same time know that as long as they are being courteous to us, they will receive the same treatment in return. Should they step out of line, however, they are pulled up on it.

I could understand the MIL being a cow if I were being snidey to her, or being sharp tongued, but I'm always polite to her. As soon as she walks through the door, she is welcomed, offered food, drink, and somewhere to sit. She repays this by ignoring me (not even a hello) or if I am acknowledged, it's to point out a shortfall that doesn't exist (eg "your son's nappy needs changing, he stinks" to which I reply "his nappy is clean. It was changed 5 minutes ago. The smell is him passing wind". Or "Would you like a cup of coffee?" "no, I don't like that cheap stuff you buy" (I don't drink coffee, my husband prefers smart price coffee, but I always keep a jar of Nescafe Gold blend in for guests) "we have Gold Blend, I bought it as a little bird told me it's your favourite" "Hmm. Fine. I'll have a cup")
I'm always polite and hospitable, because no matter how much of a bi*ch she is, she is still, unfortunately, my husband's mother.
I wish she thought the same way.
ie, "for whatever reason, I dislike Mamamoo, but my son loves her, so I will be civil with her for my son's sake and out of respect for their marriage"
I don't think I'd mind her hating me of I was genuinely a bi*ch, but I'm not. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I were just so she had a reason and I had an explanation.