Care of elderly parent - any advice appreciated

Angel_of_Tomfoolery

So sorry to hear of your struggles OP. A lot of it sounds very familiar to me unfortunately. Hopefully your dad's ongoing care will be managed more effectively now he's been admitted. As mentioned previously however, please ensure he's not just shipped home when they need the bed. I don't want to add to your worries but I've had experience of this with my grandad (who lived alone) and it was a nightmare. The staff on the ward may well believe that a care package is underway, but I'd advise to get the names, dates, numbers etc of those responsible for implementing the care and keep on top of it.

It may help you and your mum to keep a diary of how your dad is, who's done what assessments, any problems you've had etc so you have a record when anybody asks. It may help since healthcare professionals/social workers can often only see a 'snapshot' rather than representation of actual needs.

If you find someone who seems the most helpful/caring, I would use them as much as possible - it's a rare occurance in my experience!

It's a terrible situation to be in - I sympathise with you all whole-heartedly. It becomes a full time job to keep everything organised and while someone is doing it, the various agencies will let you. If you and your mum can't cope, you need to say and say loudly (not in an abusive way!). There is no shame in it. You are not letting you dad down in any way. I seriously believe that people should be allowed to remain as daughter/wife/granddaughter etc without having to morph into a full time carer in the precious time remaining.

All the best x

belfastgirl23

Well the one thing that's good is that your family is finally getting the help you need. It might be worth trying to consciously keep at the forefront of your mind that it's not YOU who needs help but your Dad and your Mum - this can be motivational in not accepting a substandard situation. Somehow it's easier to keep fighting if you're very clear it's for someone else!

The others are right, you need to basically refuse to take your dad out of care until a proper package is in place at home. It's your biggest bargaining tool and others will also tell you that once you're home, your Dad's needs will go down the list again. So be sure everything is in place before he gets out again.

Lots of luck and do keep us updated if you have time.

Scottish_Lass_3

Thank you all again for your helpful and useful posts. The nuse mentioned today that Dad was being tested for adrenal insufficiency, as his sodium levels are very low and he has something called postural drop (low blood pressure on standing.) This could be why he has suddenly deteriorated and is having weakness and balance problems and increased joint pain, digestive problems etc. (I really thought he had just aged terribly quickly...and although any treatment wont reverse his problems, it may halt the worst symptoms and help his joint pain.) So we will see what the next few days bring. I have also been assured by the nurses that he will not get home until an assessment has been done regarding his personal care, and a Occupational Therapist has re-assessed the house. We have an appointment with his consultant tomorrow, and he is also having an MRI scan to make sure he is not having little bleeds (TIA's) as he is still a bit slurred and weak on his left side.

Emmzi

Sl, I am glad you seem to be getting the support you need. Hope the tests prove productive, and he is soon safe, well and supported!

Scottish_Lass_3

Thank you again. Well, the adrenal test came back neg - he apparently does not have any probs there . His MRI scan was delayed again due to 'staff shortages' and when I tried to get an appointment with his consultant to discuss dad's accelerated decline, I found out he is on holiday for three weeks. But Hey ho, we all need holidays. To top it all, the powers that be have decided, on a whim, to completely change my fathers medication. After who knows how many years on 10mg Losec for acid, and occasional parecetamol or Ibuprofen for pain...he is now on 20mg Losec which gives him the !!!!!!, and Tramadol which gives him hallucinations and makes him dribble. Tonight, on visiting, we had a doubly incontinent, drooling poor soul, who kept seeing his long dead mother at the end of the bed, and beetles climbing over his bedding. Seriously! Then, when we helped him into his PJ's, (which we have done for a week since he was admitted, cos he asked us to) we discovered that the nurses thought he was bedding himself! When the staff had found him tucked up in bed with the covers up, jammies on, teeth cleaned...they thought he was doing it himself whereas actually WE had helped him stand up beside the bed, changed his pads while he stood like bambi, cleaned his falsers, tucked him in. I always told the staff nurse we had helped him and it was never noted on his notes. So in other words, he would have been sent home, thinking he was independent. Tomorrow, I phone social services in my area to get a care package sorted out.

Savvy_Sue

Words fail me ...

I've been in hospital a few times, and every time I've been 'interviewed' on admission to check my levels of independence, whether I have any additional needs etc etc etc. Which I never have had, apart from struggling to dress / undress and cut up food or generally do anything requiring two hands on my last stay. But then I did have a shattered shoulder. I digress.

Were these questions not asked of or about your father? And if they weren't, why not, and if they were how did they staff think he had suddenly acquired this newfound independence?

In your position, I think I might acquire a pad of LARGE and VERY BRIGHT post-it notes, and every time you do something like this make a note of date, time and activity, and ask the staff where you should put this until a note can be made on his records.

mandi

This is an appalling situation Scottish Lass and not one that you should accept .

Firstly there will be more than one consultant who you can speak to. Speak to the hospital and advise them that you are not prepared to wait 3 weeks . Make a formal complaint if you are denied access to another .

Secondly . As awful as it might sound you need to let the staff assist your dad at bedtime . He is obviously very proud and that's why he wants your help , but unless the staff are actively involved it wont be logged in his care notes .

An alternative would be to ask for assistance at bedtime , perhaps your mum could visit alone ? and then say that she can't manage on her own .

What are the reasons for increasing the dosage of his meds ? did anyone tell you ? If they are making him incontinent then they need to be looked at . Losec can can cause itching as you described .

It can be replaced with the likes of Zantac . Tramadol can cause hallucinations .

I'm posting this as an ex nurse . Honestly you have to push for his care and make sure it's as good as it gets .

Unfortunately being polite sometimes isn't an option and its sad to read things like this .

Edit Has he been checked for a urine infection and also does he have a fluid chart .

ERICS_MUM

All I can say is push, push, and push again to get answers and actions to your satisfaction.

I don't want to offend any nurses on the forum but I noticed in March when Mum was in hospital that "discipline" among the nursing staff was not as strict as it was 25 years ago when I had a couple of ops. I had to query Mum's notes and charts a few times because things had been missed or just not recorded.

Keep us updated, and best wishes to you all.

Linda xx

CH27

I would also drop into the ward outside of visiting time & check what is happening.

vroombroom

Aw Scotlass, I hope things get sorted.

We've got similar issues with my nan - she hasnt left the house in 5 years since my grandad died (and by that, she hasnt been in the garden/put the rubbish out etc - she hasnt been beyond the front door). She repeats herself and can ask you the same question over and over, doesnt eat properly and has difficulty getting about but she refuses to go to hospital or let anyone in, so its left down to me and my mam x

My mam has been to her doctor countless times but says she is fine. She has been onto Age Concern and SS who have both said we need a referral from the doctor x

its so sad xx