Care of elderly parent - any advice appreciated

gruffalo55

Having worked in the NHS and been in the position of caring for two elderly relatives over the years I would suggest you arrange a home visit for your father when you can be there. If the doctor does not know your father well enough to see the deterioration himself then a relative can be really useful for this. Factors such as the smell you have noticed won't stand out as different to a non regular visitor who goes into lots of different houses. As long as your father is happy for you to discuss his care then ask him to give the doctor permission to discuss his health with you. I would also query a urine test as already mentioned, presumably blood tests have been done as well? I just want to quickly mention looking into financial assistance as well if it isn't already in place, attendance allowance for example may help in getting your mum some outside assistance with care duties. It can be a very frustrating battle and I did find personally that there was an assumption that people were managing and could be put on the back burner unless the professionals were told otherwise. Fingers crossed that you manage to get some help and answers.

ecgirl07

does your father claim attendance allowance

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/money-matters/claiming-benefits/disability-benefit/?ito=1943&itc=0&gclid=CLzQmPHQ_akCFcEd4QodpmTUyw

if not make a claim. It will give them a little extra budget to pay for things like taxis etc for trips out. I believe in Angus (so maybe in your council area too) it can be used to pay for homehelps to come in which would give your mum a break too.

cheepskate_2

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Apparent 'dementia' can signify a water infection, has this been tested for?

Depression and apparent dementia can be signs of untreated thyroid problems .

I would ask for the whole range of blood test to rule anything out.

Emmzi

next time you have a turn, you whip him into hospital

then you REFUSE to take him home until he has a care plan agreed with the community nurse and the social worker, because clearly mum cannot cope on her own

they will want the bed back, so this will happen within a day or two

hospital will be unplesant for dad but it is the only tactic I have seen work

mum-of-two_2

Scottish_Lass
I really empathise with you.

My elderly Mum has been diagnosed with Dementia, it's come on pretty quickly (she was driving daily up to 9 months ago) and it's progressing fast, she also has some underlying health problems including being unsteady on her legs.

My Dad (who's getting increasingly frail himself) mainly cares for her with help from the family.

I'm not sure how it works in Scotland but we rang Social Services who acted pretty quickly.
They arranged some non-residential care for her including someone for 30 minutes every morning to help her with washing & getting dressed and a thrice weekly visit to a Day Care Centre.
This gives Dad a break, although things have moved on pretty quickly for us - but that's another story.

As you've recognised, there's 2 issues here:
your dad's health and future well-being/safety
your Mum's physical and mental health

I'm not sure how 'joined up' hospitals, GPs and Social Services is so you may have to initiate help for your Dad yourself.
Having to wait 2 weeks for an appointment is dreadful.

Could you try ringing your local Social Services?

Just check out your local council's website, there should be contact details on there.

Scottish_Lass wrote: »

Sorry to sound so niaeve but...I really am, I have not got a clue what to do.

We felt exactly the same, it's a very steep learning curve.

PoorCharleyBear

Sadly I think you do have to become very pushy and demanding to get results.

My mother is in a similar position, and is incontinent, confused, frail etc. She was getting no help, until a family member made a friend who worked with the elderly in NHS. Suddenly all the local contacts were made and so much more help is forthcoming.

Age concern are pretty good, so if the doctor does not help, ask them for guidance on what to do next.

Good luck and hope things improve for you rapidly

Mojisola

Make the GP take the itching seriously - it can be a symptom of liver problems. If it isn't, older people do get non-specific itching - my Dad has tablets for it.

CH27

My only advice is to be pushy & to mither people for appointments & follow ups.

Elderly social care can be a minefield.

Could someone come in & sit with Dad while you take mum out for a break?

caledonian_princess

What a horrible situation for you all. Get on to Age Scotland for advice about how to go about getting some proper care for your Dad and help for your Mum. I think you need a Single Shared Assessment for your parents which is then used by all the different agencies to find out how they can best help your family. The factsheets on the Age Scotland website are a great start to getting some help, within weeks we had personal and medical care sorted for my elderly MIL.

ERICS_MUM

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Are there no other doctors in the practice your father is registered at? If not move to a new surgery, it really is not difficult. My diabetic aunt has as have I and we have no regrets whatsoever! Don't wait for the 29th July, that is not acceptable and be sure to book a double appointment as your father clearly has multiple problems. Apparent 'dementia' can signify a water infection, has this been tested for?

Good suggestion. My mum's GP has told us a few times that water infections in the elderly can have dramatic effects on mental and general physical health.

My 87 y/o mum has water infections a couple of times a year and although she doesn't display dementia symptoms, she does become very frail and has difficulty eating which makes her very weak. It's got to the stage that I can recognise that she has an infection before she does, just by her behaviour.

She usually needs 2 or 3 courses of anti biotics before the infection clears up.

It's worth getting it checked out.

Your GP's attitude is just not acceptable and you should push for some immediate help. I do wish you all luck and best wishes, it's so difficult to see elderly parents in distress.


Linda xx