Sex with a new partner... turning on the pressure...

smartpicture

Well from my dating experiences and numerous discussions with other single ladies I would say that nowadays, most men expect to sleep with you on the third date. That's not to say that you have to, or they wouldn't be willing to wait, but that seems to be the rule that everyone goes by nowadays, unless there's a particularly good reason for waiting. And if it went on too much longer, most men would probably move on to the next one because there are so many women nowadays who are willing to do it on the third date (or before). Not saying I agree with it, and of course there are always exceptions, but I think lots of the ladies on here suggesting waiting for months would get a bit of a shock if they had to start dating again today.

QuantumSuccess

smartpicture wrote: »

Well from my dating experiences and numerous discussions with other single ladies I would say that nowadays, most men expect to sleep with you on the third date. That's not to say that you have to, or they wouldn't be willing to wait, but that seems to be the rule that everyone goes by nowadays, unless there's a particularly good reason for waiting. And if it went on too much longer, most men would probably move on to the next one because there are so many women nowadays who are willing to do it on the third date (or before). Not saying I agree with it, and of course there are always exceptions, but I think lots of the ladies on here suggesting waiting for months would get a bit of a shock if they had to start dating again today.

That's the impression I'm getting as well. But the thing is (for me) going on a 3rd date with somebody doesn't mean I'm particularly close to them yet or know them very well. It just means I've been to dinner or the cinema with them 3 times. For me that's too soon to be getting naked with them and having sex. I just wouldn't feel comfortable. Plus if I was shagging every guy I went on two or three dates with I'd be spending half the year on my back surely?! God help me in this dating game. :eek::eek:

Errata

smartpicture wrote: »

Well from my dating experiences and numerous discussions with other single ladies I would say that nowadays, most men expect to sleep with you on the third date. That's not to say that you have to, or they wouldn't be willing to wait, but that seems to be the rule that everyone goes by nowadays, unless there's a particularly good reason for waiting. And if it went on too much longer, most men would probably move on to the next one because there are so many women nowadays who are willing to do it on the third date (or before). Not saying I agree with it, and of course there are always exceptions, but I think lots of the ladies on here suggesting waiting for months would get a bit of a shock if they had to start dating again today.

So what you're basically saying is that most blokes just want to get their leg over.

scheming_gypsy

I don't think 3 months is an unreasonable length of time to wait before having sex with a new partner... I just think it's probably a bit too much time between the first and second date.

smartpicture

Errata wrote: »

So what you're basically saying is that most blokes just want to get their leg over.

Some blokes just want to get their leg over. Some blokes want a meaningful relationship - and to get their leg over. I suspect that has always been the case. The difference now is that there are so many women who also want the same thing, or are willing to go along with the man's expectations, that the ones who don't are often deemed odd or passed over as too much effort.

heretolearn_2

Whatever you feel is right for you is reasonable for you.

Whoever you are dating may not agree with your timescale, but you should never feel pressured into sex.

Personally, I'd find 3 months a bit weird and wonder if he had a bit of a problem he was trying to hide from me. I jumped on my OH on date 3 at one week in (I think he was a weeny bit shocked to be honest). My motto is try before you buy. Does that mean all I wanted was a leg over? No, but I wasn't going to invest time and emotion in someone who I might turn out to not be compatible with sexually as it's part of life and relationships to me. Having experienced a couple of studs who turned out to be duds, some men aren't worth wasting my time on. It's not so much performance as attitude that matters, I'm not completely shallow about it, but you can learn a lot about a man by his bedside manner!

Tropez

smartpicture wrote: »

Well from my dating experiences and numerous discussions with other single ladies I would say that nowadays, most men expect to sleep with you on the third date. That's not to say that you have to, or they wouldn't be willing to wait, but that seems to be the rule that everyone goes by nowadays, unless there's a particularly good reason for waiting. And if it went on too much longer, most men would probably move on to the next one because there are so many women nowadays who are willing to do it on the third date (or before). Not saying I agree with it, and of course there are always exceptions, but I think lots of the ladies on here suggesting waiting for months would get a bit of a shock if they had to start dating again today.

I went on about 9 or 10 dates with my partner before we first slept together.

Of course, I should note that I wasn't aware we were dating until she informed me of this.

Souk08

QS, I can think of much worse ways to spend half a year!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:You never know, you might actually enjoy it But please for the love of God not with that LOSER in your other thread, total victim mentality and asking for trouble.

Gingham_R

smartpicture wrote: »

Some blokes just want to get their leg over. Some blokes want a meaningful relationship - and to get their leg over. I suspect that has always been the case. The difference now is that there are so many women who also want the same thing, or are willing to go along with the man's expectations, that the ones who don't are often deemed odd or passed over as too much effort.

:eek: Really?! It sounds like there are a LOT of young women who need to work on their self esteem. Why do it to satisfy a relative stranger's 'expectations'? The only reason someone should have sex is because they want to - not because they want to please someone else. I don't care whether that's the first date or the fifty first.

bargainbetty

heretolearn wrote: »

My motto is try before you buy. Does that mean all I wanted was a leg over? No, but I wasn't going to invest time and emotion in someone who I might turn out to not be compatible with sexually as it's part of life and relationships to me. Having experienced a couple of studs who turned out to be duds, some men aren't worth wasting my time on. It's not so much performance as attitude that matters, I'm not completely shallow about it, but you can learn a lot about a man by his bedside manner!

Absolutely true! I tend to get the first time out of the way on the third or fourth date, because I do want to know if the man is compatible sexually, and sometimes before I am too invested emotionally. It sounds harsh, but I don't want to find out I've fallen in love with a bloke who thinks a quick fumble, two pumps and a groan is enough to rock my world. This has saved me much heartache (and provided some funny anecdotes to my friends).

I will say that in one case it was so obvious we weren't going to be compatible that I stopped before the 'main event' happened and went home!