Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

mandymoo

Hi everyone,

Mine`s a JD and Coke loads of ice please.
Hope you are all well and warm. Computer is still touch and go so playing it by ear.

Make mine a double in need of it and i don`t even drink well, very rare
not a good time at the moment but thinking of you all.

love and hugs mandymoo xxxx

AnW'sMum

Phew thought I was going to have to drink alone for a moment!

Nice to see you both, hope you are well, and everyone else as well

Sounds like you could do with a hug mandymoo (((HUGS)))

Stormybay

Thanks for the drink AnW'sMum and mandymoo, and everyone, I'm having a relly bad time too at the moment, i think that the numbness is starting to wear off. I just can't stop crying today, and yesterday. I'm so emotional and just keep recounting those last moments. Over the past 12 weeks, I've been able to push those memories away into the back of my mind, but now I just can't, they keep flooding into my head and I can't shelve them. Do you think this is normal? God, what is normal these days. I'm just so so sad. I have spent my life putting things right for people. I was brought up by my Mum and Dad, very middle class, and my mother was an alcoholic, it was an odd upbringing and I spent my childhood protecting my younger brother from my Mum and making sure my beloved Dad was ok. My Mum died 8 years ago, so it was my job to keep everything together and fix things for everyone, including my Mum's Mum. During this time, I coped and survived a particular nast divorce and brought up my 3 eldest children, making sure they were ok (their dad just disappeared), once again, I fixed everything for them, then my Dad passed away suddenly 8 months ago, and I have made sure my little brother was ok. But now, I've come to the point that I can't fix this. My darling John had died and I I no longer can make things right and I can't control the situation. I've ALWAYS been able to make things right and I feel so bad and sad that I now can't do a dam thing about it.
I'm sorry to rant, I just don't know what to do, I've been just running along like a steam train since 22nd December and I feel I'm about to run out of steam and explode.
How do you guys cope with all this new and awful feeling.
I'm sorry to rant as I know there are others feeling the same, if not worse than me, but I'm hoping I'll feel better if I put things into writing.
lots of hugs,
Stormy

LookingAhead

Hello Stormy.

I'm sure I won't be the only one to say don't apologise for 'ranting'. I don't think you are ranting anyway, more getting this off your chest which is very normal.

I'm afraid I don't know any expert words to say regarding coping with grief but I do think that coming to terms with someone, especially a close loved one such as your wonderful John, will take a long time with some days/weeks being better than others.

I do think that 'numbness' is a coping mechanism and it's bound to wear off at some point, so the crying and the flooding of memories is normal.

But as I say I am no expert.

You know you will find so much support on this board/thread....but do look for outside support too in the community should you need it. You can't take the world on your shoulders when you need support yourself.

Love to you Stormy,

LA xxx

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

HUGS

especially for you Stormy, I just wish I could give you a hug in person. I am absolutely sure what is happening is normal, the same happens to me. The only way I could describe the early days (and to be honest it still feels early days here) was alternating numbness and then nothingness like I didn't feel anything. Every now and again my mind would open up a bit and the hurt would come flooding back. Then it would say 'that's enough thank you' and I would revert to numbness again. I suppose it's the body's way of dealing with the situation, it would literally go into meltdown if it didn't shut down temporarily.

From what you say you have always been the protector and now you are the one that needs protecting. You have always been the one to be strong and I truly believe that you will find the strength to get through this. The most important thing though is that you do not have to do this alone, don't be afraid to ask for help from your GP, a counsellor or some of the other professionals. Every situation is unique and needs a unique solution.

You have done supremely well since John died and I for one admire you greatly. You will get the control back in your life just don't expect too much of yourself too quickly. I feel very much the same about making things right and talking from to my Dad I realise that he want's to make things right for me and knows that he can't which he finds very difficult to accept.

Personally I think one of the best things is to keep talking to others about how you feel, be it with your family, friends or on here. Once you stop talking things get bottled up and then the trouble really starts.

Take care

Love n Hugs

xxx

twink

morning all

stormy big hugs to you, yes i am afraid it is normal how you feel and because i am further down the road than you i knew it would happen, as you say i think we are protected by a numbness for some time and you feel helplessness and anger, the only advice i can give is to give yourself up to the feeling as painful as that will be, be angry, shout, rant on here, whatever but you have to go through it and you will come out the other side, believe me and i know you have the strength to do it and every day you will feel a bit better, please be kind to yourself too and remember to eat stay in touch with us all xx

hugs to everyone xx

anniestar

Morning gang, loads of love and hugs to all, espically Stormy, jbatista, AnW'sMum,Mandymoo, twink,Sarymclary, Milly,Snaggles andwell EVERYBODY I have missed out(no offence intended) Jbatista hope yestrday went as well as could have been expectedy thoughts are with your you and your DS. Stormy you are doing amazingly well and we are all really proud of you. I was going to do a long(ish) post but I kep getting thrown off the site so will just say I find you all so inspiring and am proud to call you my friends. Thank you. Will try to do the rest of this later. Have a great day and look after yourselves. You are all SO special. Take care.

mandymoo

Big hugs to you stormy,I can`t say anymore than has been said already,so please look after yourself and we are all here.

I have just got back from the dr`s with my dd,who on tuesday had the courage to tell me that she has a problem with eating, it goes back months, so we have just got back and was told it is the early stages of anorexia, how the hell did I not see this coming,we are a very close family and we will give her all the love and support that she needs,I am so proud of her telling me she needs help. So if I am not on here much to support you you will all be in my thoughts, I had to tell someone and you are my friends who won`t judge thankfully the dr did`nt say "it`s a phase" which I don`t beleive it is. Looking back alot of things now make sense.

Love and Hugs to you all
mandymoo xxx

justmarried06

Big hugs to all those who need them, I've been keeping track of the thread although I haven't been posting. I know that there have been some sad experiences that have brought people onto this thread but at the same time it is nice to see some new names as well as the 'regulars'. As always I find you all to be a complete inspiration, things are a bit strained here at the mo as DH has just started a new job which is stretching the finances like old knicker elastic until his pay comes in (gone from weekly to monthly) but when I read the posts here it pales into insignificance.

I'm in awe of you all and the power that comes from the words on these pages

Lots of love and massive ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to everyone

JM xxx

twink

hugs jm and yes you should be proud of your dd mandymoo but also of yourselves for being such a supportive family, hugs to you and your dd, you know we are all here for you xx