Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Stormybay

Hi All,
A bitter sweet day today, Rosie was in a football tournament all day with 6 ther teams from the schools around the county. Any way, to cut a long story short, her team won the whole thing, and Rosie scored the winning (only) goal in the final. She won a medal and the team won the shield and she won £20 book tokens for being 'player of the tournament'. I was so happy and so sad, cos John would have been proud as punch and it's spo bloody unfair that he can't enjoy it!
I'm so happy for Rosie, but I cried all the way home.
I have also had a date through for a meeting with John's consultant, it's next friday at Liverpool and now I can't think of any questions and just feel sick at the thought of it!
I still have PC problems and still haven't ordered the new on cos I want it in my bedroom and not in John's old office (making that into a bedroom for one of the boys), but all the set up for the PC, boradband, telephone point etc is up there and not in the bedroom, so I'm feeling a bit stuck. I'm also putting the house on the market and am wondering wether I should wait until I know if it's going to sell or not, rather than forking out to get a phone point in the bedroom or not.
God, I hate not being able to discuss all this with John, as well as not being able to celebrate about Rosie's brilliant footie today!
Anyway, I hope you all have a peaceful and happy weekend and I'll posgt again when I can prise the children off MSN.
Take care and hugs to all wether you need them or not!!
Stormy

jbatista

Hi all well I dont know where to start at the beginning I suppose, my godmums funeral went as okish as it could, but when I arrived home had DS2 in tears-his group of big friends is now -1. A girl who he has known for years and was a big confidannte of his was knocked down by a car that day and died in hospital she was only 16. When I went back to work the following day I found out that my colleague had been involved in the accident-not the cause but the poor girl landed on her bonnet. Its been an horrific 2 weeks. DS2 is going to see her today at the Chapel of Rest before the funeral on Tues-which is going to be a celebration of her life,all the friends are all going to be dressed in their Prom outfits. DS2 is not good at all, not eating and keeps going to the place where the accident happened along with the other friends, he has not had to deal with grief before and I just hope I am dealing with him and his feelings as best as I know how. I dont like the idea of him keep visting the spot but am only hoping after the funeral that it will subside.
I do hope that you are all doing ok too. Stormy I bet you are so proud of Rosie, sorry to hear about the PC Thing still-but in hindsight you are probably better in waiting than spending lots and lots and then moving. My love to you all mandymoo, Stormy, twink, molly and all others that are just so many to mention.
(((((((((((( XXXXXXXXX )))))))))))))

AnW'sMum

Morning everyone

Well done to Rosie what a fantastic achievement. Oh Stormy, I know just where you are coming from, all I can say is John will have had a ringside seat for all those matches and seen every kick of the ball, but I know, it's not the same, life is bl**dy unfair.

Glad you managed to get an appt with the consultant, I shall be there with you in spirit. I am sure you have already started a list of questions, just make sure there is a pad of paper and a pen by the side of your bed. I always think of things when I am lying trying to get to sleep but can't because of all the stuff whizzing round in my mind. At least that way you can jot them down before you do drop off to sleep and forget them.

As to the PC and internet we are going to have a big bedroom swop round and where the PC will end up has no phone line so at Dad's suggestion I got a wireless router. The other option was to move this phone line back up through the loft and down into the new room! Just an idea for you and of course when you move it won't matter whether there is a phone line or not in the room.

jbatista :grouphug: what a rough few days you have had. It always seems worse when it happens to a young person and especially in this kind of way. What a great idea for everyone to get dressed in their prom outfits. If Ian could have had his way I am sure we would have all been in Quo t shirts! Yours DS will get through this as he has a great mum who is there for him. After Tues he will perhaps have a new place to visit and remember. Just being there for him will be of comfort I am sure.

Take care everyone, be strong and don't forget we are all here for each other.

HUGSSSSSSSS

xxx

mandymoo

Hi everyone,

I will have to be really quick as my computer keeps on having hissy fits !!! it keeps on shutting down in the middle of doing things,Stormy is it related to yours ?

My love and thoughts are with both stormy and jbastista and hugs to you all
If I don`t get on here much because of the computer you are all in my thoughts
mandymoo xxxx sorry it`s short

sarymclary

Hi,
I think AnW'sMum has said exactly what I would have said re. Stormy's feelings and advice for Jbastista and her son's recent loss.

Stormy I reassure myself that my DH would make darn sure he was at the touchline for my son's rugby matches (in fact I'm convinced I can hear him shouting during matches sometimes), that he's probably got a front row seat at the nativity, and in a couple of weeks time he'll be at the front for our youngest's performance in 'Joseph' at the local drama group. Actually, I think he's often sat watching footie matches on TV with us too, because that was his real love.

It would have been my DH's 40th birthday this week, so another anniversary goes by. Next month will be 3 years since his death. I can't say I find them easier, but I know how to deal with them now. I do feel very angry with him still for not being here, but I know in time that will subside more, and it is more prevalent when times are difficult.

Jbastista I wonder, if you're concerned about your son visiting the spot where the accident took place, where it will no doubt have been turned into a temporary 'shrine' for his friend, why not suggest going with him to the local church where he can light a candle for his friend, and speak to her there. You don't necessarily need to be religious to do this, but most people tend to believe that a lost loved one can still hear us wherever they may now be. It might not have been a place he will have thought able to go to, particularly on his own, but it might be a safer and more peaceful alternative. After the funeral there will of course be her resting place to visit, but of course her family might feel the need to be there too.

I hope his school is offering some grief counselling, and encouraging the affected children to talk about their friend, and their feelings of loss. My eldest son's friend committed suicide a few weeks ago, and that naturally threw up questions of 'what if's, why's and how's', which is natural in any unnecessary, young death. I would just encourage you to keep the lines of communication open, and keep a close eye on your son for signs of his grief becoming depression. Matters are still very raw at the moment, so after a period of grieving, hopefully acceptance descends, and he will find a way to move forward, whilst remembering his dear friend.

If you feel you need to get some professional support, why not check out the Cruse website, where there is a specific section for children and teens here: http://www.rd4u.org.uk/ where they can contact a counsellor by email via a private messaging service, and there's a message board where they can list their experience. Your local GP surgery or telephone book will give you your local Cruse counselling service.

As usual my thoughts are with all those dealing with difficult times, and continuing to go on despite it. Best wishes to you all,
S xx

twink

well done to rosie, stormy
too many things have happened for me not to believe that our loved ones look out for us, big hugs to your ds2 jbatista, what a heartbreak to the girls family and her friends

love and hugs to all xx

jbatista

sarymclary wrote: »

Hi,
I think AnW'sMum has said exactly what I would have said re. Stormy's feelings and advice for Jbastista and her son's recent loss.

Stormy I reassure myself that my DH would make darn sure he was at the touchline for my son's rugby matches (in fact I'm convinced I can hear him shouting during matches sometimes), that he's probably got a front row seat at the nativity, and in a couple of weeks time he'll be at the front for our youngest's performance in 'Joseph' at the local drama group. Actually, I think he's often sat watching footie matches on TV with us too, because that was his real love.

It would have been my DH's 40th birthday this week, so another anniversary goes by. Next month will be 3 years since his death. I can't say I find them easier, but I know how to deal with them now. I do feel very angry with him still for not being here, but I know in time that will subside more, and it is more prevalent when times are difficult.

Jbastista I wonder, if you're concerned about your son visiting the spot where the accident took place, where it will no doubt have been turned into a temporary 'shrine' for his friend, why not suggest going with him to the local church where he can light a candle for his friend, and speak to her there. You don't necessarily need to be religious to do this, but most people tend to believe that a lost loved one can still hear us wherever they may now be. It might not have been a place he will have thought able to go to, particularly on his own, but it might be a safer and more peaceful alternative. After the funeral there will of course be her resting place to visit, but of course her family might feel the need to be there too.

I hope his school is offering some grief counselling, and encouraging the affected children to talk about their friend, and their feelings of loss. My eldest son's friend committed suicide a few weeks ago, and that naturally threw up questions of 'what if's, why's and how's', which is natural in any unnecessary, young death. I would just encourage you to keep the lines of communication open, and keep a close eye on your son for signs of his grief becoming depression. Matters are still very raw at the moment, so after a period of grieving, hopefully acceptance descends, and he will find a way to move forward, whilst remembering his dear friend.

If you feel you need to get some professional support, why not check out the Cruse website, where there is a specific section for children and teens here: http://www.rd4u.org.uk/ where they can contact a counsellor by email via a private messaging service, and there's a message board where they can list their experience. Your local GP surgery or telephone book will give you your local Cruse counselling service.

As usual my thoughts are with all those dealing with difficult times, and continuing to go on despite it. Best wishes to you all,
S xx

Thankyou so much for that advice, we are Catholic so yes our faith is helping, off to mass in a minute with him where he will be lighting a candle for her. The girls family have been so wonderful and accomodating to all her friends and have let them visit her home, her bedroom which was her haven and even took them to the chapel of rest with them. They are dealing with everything so well. The police support officers who have been supporting the family have given them a phone number as well for counselling, at the moment I will play it by ear.
Your all such wonderful people here and so good to know that when I need a chat or a moan you are here.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AnW'sMum

Hi Everyone

Hope all you mum's had a good day yesterday and for those whose mum's are no longer with us I hope the day was not too sad.

Alice woke me up at 6am :rolleyes: for breakfast in bed. I managed to persuade her to go and watch TV until 7am! We had crumpets and orange juice, it was lovely

At church all the mum's got a bunch of daffs, we decided to put mine on Daddy's grave. Very blustery and cold there so didn't stop too long but was nice to see Ian as I know he would have organised Alice and William to make a fuss of me yesterday. Just bittersweet that he couldn't be there.

jbatista hope your son is doing better, it will not be easy tomorrow for him but it will be another hill climbed.

Take care everyone HUGS to you all.

xxx

AnW'sMum

*pokes head around the door*

Glass of wine anyone?

Stormybay

I'd love one