Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Shelanne

Didn't quite make it to the duvet yesterday! I read all through this thread properly instead so now I feel I know you all better, I really do appreciate all your support especially as you are all still going through your own difficult times and coping with your own grief. AnWsmum I will be thinking of you in your difficult weeek ahead.

I went to bed and wailed briefly yesterday, then got so angry with God I yelled at him "Even the books I ordered off ebay for daughter have gone missing in post, can't you look after us at all". Two minutes later the postman rang the doorbell with the books. Then I thought, "Huh answer that prayer, what about the big one". I think I might be losing my marbles!

Have done a bit of house work today but no paper work. What should I do about the bank? Do I make an appointment or ring or just empty accounts as I know all his online passwords?

Hugs to all. Shelanne.xxxxx

AnW'sMum

Shelanne wrote: »

I went to bed and wailed briefly yesterday, then got so angry with God I yelled at him "Even the books I ordered off ebay for daughter have gone missing in post, can't you look after us at all". Two minutes later the postman rang the doorbell with the books. Then I thought, "Huh answer that prayer, what about the big one". I think I might be losing my marbles!

:rotfl:Oh you must forgive me but that made me laugh! Isn't it daft how the little things can cause such distress though, glad the books arrived.

As to the bank accounts I work for a bank so might be able to help. Basically if the accounts were joint they will just transfer into your name and everything will carry on. If they were in sole name only then they will be frozen once the bank is informed. At my bank the account should not be frozen until the death certificate has been seen. You should not need to make an appointment so see anyone but you may prefer to make one so that you do not have to discuss anything in front of other customers and you will be guaranteed office space if it is a busy branch.

For sole accounts with direct debits and standing orders I would make sure you have an account operating in your name before you advise DH's bank so that they can transfer the payments onto your account.

So long as there is enough money in the account to cover bills etc then I would say take your time and go when you are ready.

Will PM you as well.

AnW'sMum

I have just remembered the bank do brochure that gives general advice on what to do when someone dies, obviously from a financial standpoint but there are some good pointers in it.

If you PM me your address I'll get one in the post to you.

Shelanne

I really feel like I need to release something or my chest will explode with pain. i'm not cried out as I feel I've been ridiculously calm. I've listened to sad music, read all the sympathy card etc but still no release. I even pressed the roses from his coffin flowers in such a matter of fact way, it all feels unreal.

In 1999 my second daughter was stillborn and I wailed and screamed and cried rivers, that felt normal. I especially cried in the car so this morning I even drove Keith's car round the block (as it hadn't moved for 3 weeks) and still no tears. Feel numb. Hate it. Don't know what to do with myself.

Ah crying now.

cornish_lady

Don't worry Shelanne, it will come.

When my Mum died it was 6 months before I cried, I was so busy looking after everybody else and just "getting on with it". It was my daughter's christening that did it, the realisation that she would never know her.

It may be something really silly that starts you off but it doesn't matter when or even if it happens, what's right for you is right.

Shelanne

Thanks cornish lady, very kind words. Hope you are having a good day.

cornish_lady

Thanks Shelanne

Doing ok today so far, things tend to sneak up on you when you are not expecting them. Like things on the tv or radio.

Went to the dentist yesterday for the first time on my own (own dentist used to see us both together) and of course the kind words were too much (if only people weren't so nice :embarasse )

For me it's the "firsts" that are the worst and accepting help (I'm really not good at that )

I hope you have a better day and they will get better but in their own time.

Hugs to all that need them today and especially AnW's mum at this very difficult time.

AnW'sMum

Hi Everyone

Well another day closer to a huge hurdle. One of the things that is annoying me in particular at the moment is that I seem to have gone back to forgetting silly things like what jobs I am supposed to be doing round the house and making calls to friends/replying to emails. I think oh yes I need to do that and then promptly forget! Drives me scatty.

Hope everyone has a good weekend assuming you are not all blown away by the gales!

cornish_lady

Hi AnW'sMum

I know what you mean by the memory, I'm forever going somewhere to do something and by the time I've got there forgotten what it was. It's got to the stage where I look around for something else to do while I'm there so I don't waste the trip!!

I think our brains are so full of everything else at the moment that there's not room (that's my excuse anyway) but I agree it is so infuriating!!

The weather here has been extremely wild but it's settling down a bit now, thank goodness.

Won't be long now and the inquest will be over, then you will be able to think more clearly and be able to start rebuilding your life. A very different one, granted, but a life. You've proved it to yourself (and everyone else) that you can do it and you will.

Big hugs to you and all that need them.

Stormybay

Hello Cornish Girl, AnW'sMum, Shelanne and all.
I can relate to what you said there Shelanne, in fact I was so calm for a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me, and, of course, there was, I was grieving, but I was grieving calmly. I didin't really cry for a long time, in fact, when I did, it was in a short burst, and probably only a few times. I have never bawled by eyes out, like I have done in the past. For example, when my first husband left me 20 years ago, I thought I would ever stop crying. But John meant so much more to me than him, but I don't cry very often at all.
But that doesn't take away the deep and loving feelings I had, and still have for him, I'm sure it's just a survival mechanism inside, and thank God it's there!
Please don't worry what you body does, or doesn't do, all is normal to any one of us, and we all act and re-act differently.
Big love and hugs to all of us here, in on a saturday night, wishing we could just say, hi to our lost loved ones
AnW'smum, thinking of you and wishing you all the strength you need this week, you are a star
Stormy
xxxxxx