uhh ohh...My 3 year old has just asked me where babies come from....

skintchick

Nicki wrote: »

I'm not in the least prudish I don't think and my kids have often seen me naked, or even on the loo when they were toddlers, but I am quite disturbed by the idea you would let a child have a gynaelogical view of your orifices! Surely the child is either too young to understand the concepts you are explaining, in which case why show them the inside of your vagina, or old enough to understand, in which case such a close inspection of a parent is inappropriate? My boundaries are clearly in a very different position to this poster, but I just wouldn't do that at all.

If that's aimed at me, I don;t mean inside!!! But looking from the outside - why not?

Person_one

skintchick wrote: »

If that's aimed at me, I don;t mean inside!!! But looking from the outside - why not?

Even I think that's a bit much! Show them a diagram in a book (it'll be clearer anyway ) and let them have a hand mirror so they can have a good look at their own, especially girls.

(I'm assuming you're talking about a close up look, rather than just walking around nude? Nothing wrong with them seeing their mum in the buff but you shouldn't be spreading your legs for them to have a nosey!)

skintchick

Person_one wrote: »

Even I think that's a bit much! Show them a diagram in a book (it'll be clearer anyway ) and let them have a hand mirror so they can have a good look at their own, especially girls.

(I'm assuming you're talking about a close up look, rather than just walking around nude? Nothing wrong with them seeing their mum in the buff but you shouldn't be spreading your legs for them to have a nosey!)

Why not? It's just a body. She sees me on the loo and often has a look between my legs and says 'Mummy's lady bits' with interest, I see nothing wrong with it. I don;t let her touch them, but I'm happy for her to see then close up because they're just a natural part of life - and a part she came out of, after all!

A diagram in a book is making it all a bit formal and gynaecological, whereas a discussion as it comes up is much more relaxed and normal, in my opinion.

Person_one

skintchick wrote: »

Why not? It's just a body. She sees me on the loo and often has a look between my legs and says 'Mummy's lady bits' with interest, I see nothing wrong with it. I don;t let her touch them, but I'm happy for her to see then close up because they're just a natural part of life - and a part she came out of, after all!

A diagram in a book is making it all a bit formal and gynaecological, whereas a discussion as it comes up is much more relaxed and normal, in my opinion.

A diagram in a book would certainly be easier to understand, I'm not sure what you mean by 'making it gynaecological', there isn't really anything that's more 'gynaecological' than a real life vulva!

MadDogWoman_2

My 4 year old is happy knowing that she came out of mummys tummy, that mummy had to have an operation for her to be born, but babies normally come out of mummys bottoms.

She knows nothing of eggs, seed, special cuddles yet.

I will answer her questions according to her level of understanding.

Person_one

MadDogWoman wrote: »

My 4 year old is happy knowing that she came out of mummys tummy, that mummy had to have an operation for her to be born, but babies normally come out of mummys bottoms.

She knows nothing of eggs, seed, special cuddles yet.

I will answer her questions according to her level of understanding.

Sounds good, you're not making up any rubbish you're just adding in detail as she's ready to understand it.

But...bottoms? :eek:

Nicki

skintchick wrote: »

Why not? It's just a body. She sees me on the loo and often has a look between my legs and says 'Mummy's lady bits' with interest, I see nothing wrong with it. I don;t let her touch them, but I'm happy for her to see then close up because they're just a natural part of life - and a part she came out of, after all!

If you really think this, why can't she touch? My little boy often touches and plays with my nose, hair, etc. But I wouldn't let him see my lady bits as you describe them, because I personally don't feel that to be appropriate.

We all draw boundaries in different places, but in this instance I think yours are way outside social norms. Having had a fair amount of CP training due to being involved with a couple of childrens charities, I would worry that even though your intention is to educate, if your child mentioned what you had shown her at nursery that you would be reported and investigated, which would be traumatic for you and your child. What you are proposing steps far further outside the social norms than still breast-feeding at age 2, which you do seem to recognise is seen by some (though not me personally) as controversial.

Going back to the original point, my children were told at that kind of age that for two of them the doctor unzipped my tummy and pulled them out, and the middle one was sucked out by a vacuum cleaner! (2 c sections and a ventouse delivery). Told with humour and a description of the day of their births. None of them asked how they got into my tummy in the first place until KS2 though were told by me before they covered it in school sex Ed classes, as I feel it is a parents role to introduce the topic not a stranger.

rachbc

Nicki wrote: »

If you really think this, why can't she touch? My little boy often touches and plays with my nose, hair, etc. But I wouldn't let him see my lady bits as you describe them, because I personally don't feel that to be appropriate.

We all draw boundaries in different places, but in this instance I think yours are way outside social norms. Having had a fair amount of CP training due to being involved with a couple of childrens charities, I would worry that even though your intention is to educate, if your child mentioned what you had shown her at nursery that you would be reported and investigated, which would be traumatic for you and your child. What you are proposing steps far further outside the social norms than still breast-feeding at age 2, which you do seem to recognise is seen by some (though not me personally) as controversial.

The child protection training I have done included a very interested discussion about exactly this and the trainers were very clearly saying that things like parental nudity, co bathing etc etc were categorically not causes for concern and that people who considered that they were needed to put aside their own values and prejudices!

My daughter's nursery cleary understand this as they do not bat and eyelid when she makes allsorts of comments about daddies and brothers and willies (she went through a period of being very obsessed with them) or even when she insisted on wearing a pant liner in her knickers!

We teach our dd she can't touch anyone elses 'bits' and no one else can touch hers - because they are private, but we are often nude in the bathroom etc and she looks and asks questions - like when will hers get hair etc. Mummy has a pooh hole, a wee hole and a baby hole (where the mice (lilets) also go)!

Person_one

rachbc wrote: »

The child protection training I have done included a very interested discussion about exactly this and the trainers were very clearly saying that things like parental nudity, co bathing etc etc were categorically not causes for concern and that people who considered that they were needed to put aside their own values and prejudices!

My daughter's nursery cleary understand this as they do not bat and eyelid when she makes allsorts of comments about daddies and brothers and willies (she went through a period of being very obsessed with them) or even when she insisted on wearing a pant liner in her knickers!

We teach our dd she can't touch anyone elses 'bits' and no one else can touch hers - because they are private, but we are often nude in the bathroom etc and she looks and asks questions - like when will hers get hair etc. Mummy has a pooh hole, a wee hole and a baby hole (where the mice (lilets) also go)!

I think there's a big difference between casual nudity among family members and a mother displaying herself for her children to look closely at the intimate workings of her lower portions!

Nicki

If you read all my posts you will see I don't disagree with you on nudity and co bathing! I do it with my own children. Skintchick is discussing though pulling back her labia to show her child the three openings in her vagina. Some (maybe most, maybe not all) professionals working with children would regard that as a red flag and would report it. You will also see that I did not speculate as to whether a CP investigation would find a case to answer, but just that it would be traumatic for all concerned.