uhh ohh...My 3 year old has just asked me where babies come from....

SueC_2

teabag29 wrote: »

hmmmm not the response I was after so I went with the 'from mummys tummy' and she seemed perfectly happy with that. However after staring into space for 5 minutes or so her next question was "mummy...where does danger come from?" followed 5 minutes after that by "mummy where do spiders come from?" lol. Bless her, she's very inquisitive at the moment

Babies, danger, spiders... all come from the same place really - a very dark, secret, place, through a hole you wouldn't believe was big enough.....

nutsohazelnuts

Some marvellous book recommendations on this thread.

I come from a generation where ignorance caused problems. Grown and almost grown women and girls were warned not to do anything with a male that involved him taking both feet off the floor or removing her slip.

Since it's perfectly possible for a male to get a female pregnant without ever taking his feet off the floor or completely removing any of her garments at all, this wasn't always helpful. Vague warnings, because nobody wanted to talk about "it", caused more difficulty than they prevented in my opinion.

Therefore, when I had my own daughters I resolved to be factual and no nonsense about the whole thing from the start. I can tell you from experience that it is far easier to give a child the bare bones of the biological information at a young age, then build upon it with the odd question here and there as they grow up - than it is to start from scratch with an older child who has a head fulll of confusing misinformation from other children and well meaning adults. It's also less embarassing with a very small child somehow. Their curiosity is so innocent.

I think it's unforgiveable to let a girl get to the age of 7 or 8 without knowing what periods are all about since these days puberty begins younger and younger.

Does anyone know at what age reproduction is covered in the National Curriculum nowadays?

The other thought I had recently is that if we don't explain it properly to young children, if we leave them unsatisfied and still curious even the very young ones can google nowadays and I wouldn't want the internet to educate any child about sex any more than I would a spiteful older child who tells them horrid stories to frighten them. Arguably the internet would be far worse.

Person_one

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

We used an excellent book called How a baby is Made.

It's from the 1970s, entirely factual very straightforward and simple, and Swedish originally I think. Because of it our children don't remember a time when they didn't know where babies come from and were immune to playground rumours.

It's not for everybody but somebody had just told my 3 year old that the man holds the lady down and wees into her which caused a lot of distress, so we needed facts not fluffy fairy tales.

Here are some links to the cartoon illustrations. Some of you won't consider them suitable for your own child, but we felt that kids know on some level when they're being lied to or misled, and we felt that the absolute truth was better than believing horrible things they were told in the playground.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/steviecat/4812400814/

http://www.spareroom.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/BABIESfinal2.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_thydkFMyNjE/TJlY-4VO_7I/AAAAAAAAB0o/9ZGKUuMBrvI/s1600/333.3+k74t.page+13.jpg

Here are the reviews on Amazon too:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Baby-Made-Piccolo-Books/dp/0330242970/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309635133&sr=1-1

That looks quite similar to the book we had around while we were children:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Growing-Facts-Life-Susan-Meredith/dp/0860208370/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1309678840&sr=8-12

This one covers more than just babies, it goes into periods, body hair, wet dreams, masturbation, body odour and basically everything a child needs to know before they are about 8 and some of it starts happening to them!

Highly recommended, and only a penny apparently. Its very plainly worded, straightforward, no euphemism or embarrassment allowed. I think we were about 6 and 4 when it came into the house and pretty much knew the basics anyway but this clarified some details and let us go back to it for reference any time we wanted.

skintchick

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Your DD at 2 talks well enough to ask this sort of question? My DS who's almost 2 isn't even talking yet! Well a few words, that's all.

She hasn;t actually asked that, but she does talk a lot, more like a 3-year-old, we have conversations, she makes her own choices on clothes, food, etc., and she asks questions like Where's daddy? What's 'at noise? What's happened? and that kind of thing. She knows her bedtime routine and will tell me what's going to happen, like 'We have bath then stories then jim jam jamas and then Scrummy and then bed, Mummy.' (jim jam jamas are Pjs, Scrummy is breastmilk *opens can of worms* )

I'm not sure she would ask about babies just yet, but she loves babies so it might come up! It's not outside the realms of possibility in terms of the kind of thing she says, though, no.

skintchick

sassyblue wrote: »

I'm sure he'll be fine with the answer of 'mummys tummy but if he continues to ask how he got there, the 'special cuddle'.

Mine's now almost 5 and after catching me with panty liners wants to know what they're for (there's a pouch in my tummy where he grew and every so often to keep the pouch healthy it bleeds a little bit).

Now he wants to know why he didn't fall out when l had a poo when he was in my tummy and l had to tell him a lady has 3 holes. Trouble is, most answers these days are met with 'can l see?' :cool: :rotfl:

And why not? a quick show and tell - this is where mummy's poo comes out, like yours, this is where she wees from and this is her special hole for babies, and you're done.

My DD has seen this on me already, and her Dad's bits, and she often asks to 'see Mummy's period' as she is fascinated by what I have called Mummy's nappies (I think sanitary towel might be pushing her vocab a touch!). My trouble is she usually says 'I want touch it'!!



(I say no, by the way. I've explained our 'lady bits' are private and we don;t touch other people's without permission, like hers shouldn;t be touched by anyone without her saying they can.)

Geenie

Give them the answer appropriate for their age. Start off with a "mummy and daddy special hug" as we did when our 3 year old first asked, and then add more as they get older and ask more questions. Don't be embarrassed or make out anything is dirty or unnatural. You are laying the foundation to how they can talk to you, be open and view relationships.

OH and I are both medical so we discussed things from an early age when asked, and encouraged discussion on bodily functions and emotions etc. Our kids now in their 20's, always asked for advice, and I was consultated when my daughters wanted to get into a sexual relationship and go on the pill. You don't just talk about the act, but the empowerment that knowledge brings, ie saying no and waiting until the right person comes along.

Nicki

I'm not in the least prudish I don't think and my kids have often seen me naked, or even on the loo when they were toddlers, but I am quite disturbed by the idea you would let a child have a gynaelogical view of your orifices! Surely the child is either too young to understand the concepts you are explaining, in which case why show them the inside of your vagina, or old enough to understand, in which case such a close inspection of a parent is inappropriate? My boundaries are clearly in a very different position to this poster, but I just wouldn't do that at all.

ashaput

Hi OP.. I have no children but I ever read in a magazine and there was a mom had questioned the same thing as you did. And I think you could try to give him this answer when he ask the same thing again.
"Mom loves Dad, Dad loves Mom. So when man and woman love each other God will give them a gift, and that is you (baby)"
I think this is more understandable for him and easy for you to answer. So rather than talk about tummy and seed, you can just easily tell him that love is where the baby comes from. Hope this helps.

Person_one

ashaput wrote: »

Hi OP.. I have no children but I ever read in a magazine and there was a mom had questioned the same thing as you did. And I think you could try to give him this answer when he ask the same thing again.
"Mom loves Dad, Dad loves Mom. So when man and woman love each other God will give them a gift, and that is you (baby)"
I think this is more understandable for him and easy for you to answer. So rather than talk about tummy and seed, you can just easily tell him that love is where the baby comes from. Hope this helps.

Ok, so who's this God guy then? Does he give us anything we want? Will he give me a pony? What's his e-mail address?

Caliendo

I'm just going to tell mine the simple truth.

When you lie to kids about something you make it weird, and I don't want basic human biology and sex to be weird for my kid.

Also, it's setting a bad example isn't it? If I want them to tell me the truth it's best if I don't lie to them unless I absolutely have to.

Parents tell their kids comforting half truths about sex when they are children and then their kids grow up and tell the parents comforting half truths about sex during the teenage years and twenties. It's ridiculous in this day and age. It can't be good for the family if everybody feels they have to lie to one another.

As somebody already said, in an internet age you can't keep kids innocent, you can only make sure they're not ignorant.