Frugal Living Challenge 2011 - Part 3.

SandraScarlett

Having thought about it, I reckon one of the reasons people hold back from helping, is because "the family" can get "funny" if neighbours' kindness makes them feel uncomfortable. I had a similar thing happen 40 plus years ago, but I'd still follow my instincts.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. I used to live next door to a couple in their 80s, Mr & Mrs G, who had no children, or family, except for Mr G's niece who they saw every Boxing Day - she lived 2 miles away - and a greatnephew of Mrs G, who didn't visit, but made regular contact. When it was their Golden Wedding, they had 2 cards, one from me and my family, and one from my Mum and Dad!


As time went by, they both became very poorly and I was so worried about them that I went to my GP, explained my concerns (they were very frail, and hardly ate a thing and I knew that cos I did their shopping), and asked if a Health Visitor could see them on a pretence that she was checking up on the elderly in the area.


Remember, this was 40 years ago, when you could ask such things, and it was seen as concern and not interference! Anyway, the upshot was they improved a little bit, with vitamins and needed medicine, and then Mrs G suddenly collapsed in the bathroom, and died en route to the hospital.


Immediately the niece and her adult children came round, and whisked Mr G away. I had a key, so I took a neighbour in with me so we could clean the bathroom (I won't go into detail, but it wasn't very nice), so Mr G didn't have to see it. After the funeral, which neighbours, DH and I attended, I visited Mr G weekly with my kids at the niece's house. Then one day I was told by the niece Mr G wouldn't be returning and I was not to visit him at her house any more.

It transpired I was accused of stealing Mrs G's engagement ring from the old couple's home. Good thing I'd taken a neighbour in with me, but I still wasn't believed.


About 6 weeks later, Mr G, who I still used to visit once a week with my kids, but secretly in a park near the niece's home, told me the ring had been found in a plastic bag, which had been sent home from the hospital after the death, along with Mrs G's clothes! He was crying when he told me, cos the niecestill banned me from the house, and wouldn't apologise, and though I said it didn't matter, it did. :mad:

A few weeeks later he secretly phoned (from a call box, remember this was the early 70s!) to say the niece was selling her home, and they were moving about 50 miles away. When he was able to tell me the new phone number, I called weekly, and even though it was like getting past the KGB, I would grit my teeth, and talk pleasantly to the niece, so I could then chat to Mr G.

After a couple of months of this, I phoned and was fobbed off, and told Mr G was out, or asleep, and I eventually discovered Mr G was in hospital, and had been since I'd last spoke to him. DH and I visited him the next day, to find she'd ignored him, hadn't heated his room at her house adequately, and hadn't visited her "dear Uncle" in hospital once.

And when we went to the hospital the following week, we discovered he'd died 6 days earlier - and she hadn't even told me, the cow! I didn't go to his funeral, cos I might have done or said something I'd regret, but bought a cheerful bouquet for myself, and said a prayer for Mr & Mrs G.

Then 3 months later, I had a letter from The Cow's husband. He was an executor of Mr G's will. And I'd been left £500 - a fortune in the early 70s - and the engagement ring! Friends advised me to get a copy of the will, which had been made in the days following Mrs G's death. The house had been sold at a very reduced price to Mrs G's great nephew, who had at least kept in touch with regular phone calls, post cards from his holidays etc, and the proceeds split between some fabulous charities, the niece and her family, and me!

How that must have angered her! :T Her problem was, she thought everyone was the same as her. Her, her husband and her adult children fawned over Mr G in the weeks immediately after his wife's death and he was so pleased with their apparent concern, and insistence he lived with them, that he was mesmerised, and she thought nobody could be a genuinely caring person, and tarred me with her own rotten brush.

I've spoken to many friends who have elderly neighbours, who live on their own, and my friends all put themselves out to get shopping, collect prescriptions etc, and are viewed suspiciously by members of "the family" when they visit.

Ruby - you are a true caring person, and let's hope your concerns, when voiced to the family, have the desired effect. And I apologise to anyone who has gone to sleep whilst reading my tale!!!!!! I've still got the engagement ring, bought in 1914, and it's a memento of a lovely couple.

xx

dizzy_lizzie

Aw Sandra. They must have been a sad time for you, having to see him like that. It beggars belief that people can be like that but as the saying goes 'where there's a will there's a relative' Very sad really.
Bless you that you cared enough to make his days happier than they would have been had he not got your visits/calls to look forward to :A
x

rising_from_the_ashes

Sandra, thanks for sharing - such a sad story and even sadder is that I know it's not a one off.

Ruby - sorry I've not said a lot on the subject, I get really angry (and then upset) when I hear stories like this and I hate to think of older people being taken advantage off, not looked after properly that I find it very difficult to say anything - stick to your guns.

rising_from_the_ashes

Well looks like my pc's totally *£$)("£!)($!

Probably a motherboard problem so it'll need to go to the pc dr at some point (my dad!) but that'll leave me with no internet so certainly not until I'm up and about again!

Really annoyed about the SoW.

I've been doing it faithfully all year and feel like something's missing (sad I know!) not being able to update it..:o

If I get really bored next week I may have to re-enter my receipts from April but dreading that thought.:eek:

SandraScarlett

dizzy_lizzie wrote: »

Aw Sandra. They must have been a sad time for you, having to see him like that. It beggars belief that people can be like that but as the saying goes 'where there's a will there's a relative' Very sad really.

Bless you that you cared enough to make his days happier than they would have been had he not got your visits/calls to look forward to :A
x

Never heard that before, but sadly, so true.

xx

rubytuesday

Great story thanks Sandra

It is terrible isn't it.

I have to say my daughter and I were talking about the situation and really we both feel the family aren't doing enough but then they all live far and lead their own lives as my neighbour concedes, so I don't know but my daughter and I don't feel it's right somehow.

But that's why I'd rather talk to them so they don't feel inadequate or that I'm taking over.

My neighbour's friend said one of the daughter's has cleared out her bank account anyway!

They have thanked me for keeping an eye on her and seem relieved.

She gets very lonely - she was in the Land Army and used to go to a club with people serving in the War - forgot the name but was always out dancing and socialising but now she doesn't fancy the particular club she's supposed to go to as she doesn't know anyone there and she says they just sit there all day and she might as well do that at home!

I used to pop in every now and then(always meaning to but never getting round to it) but when I realised just how isolated she was I made a commitment to pop in every Wednesday and now I pop in usually a bit more briefly at the weekend too.

I'd always assumed family visited every week but they don't.

rubytuesday

Sorry to hear about you SOW Rising.

I've fallen right off the wagon with my notebook all though the other week I did go through and put in a load of receipts I had but I'm sure it's got a bit hit and miss.

There's a first ever fete on today in my Market Street to try and regenerate the area and I'm going to have to go to the library to print of a form for the bank account as I'm the treasurer should have done it ages ago and know I will be collared by a committee member for being so remiss!

I really should get my printer and scanner set up at home but the 'study' has become a dumping ground again and I have to battle my way in!

SandraScarlett

Ye Gods Ruby! The bank account has been emptied already? :eek: It's such a slender tightrope you'll be walking, trying to talk to the relatives, and they blooming well should be grateful to you, cos you're easing their consciences.

If your neighbour was in the Land Army, she must be a fair age now, and deserves better from her family. But who's to know what our families might be like in years to come?

It's a rotten position for you to be in, and I hope the family will take your concern to heart.

xx

seriouslyfrugal

Hi


Sandra & Ruby : you are very nice people I try and keep an eye on my neighbours too i'm lucky in that I know their son / DIL and so any problems they would be grateful if I pointed them out but I do realise this isn't always the case

went to mr A yesterday they have the following on offer for anyone interested:

fairy washing up liquid £2.00 for 1200ml

finish dishwasher tabs 84 for £8.00 ( 8p each)

persil 54 wash liquid £5.00


hope everyone has a good weekend

Kerry_Woman

Sadly my Aunt died on Wednesday. Have been supporting my Mum through this difficult time. Still waiting to hear when the funeral is. We have some black clothes already in our wardrobes.

Trying to keep the food bill to a limit. Have started to stock up some tins that should last a while.

Not doing too well on weight loss. I did go to the outdoor gym in the park a couple of times in the last few weeks.

Have a 2 week temping job locally.

Hugs to those who need them.