So angry with myself

Ames

ONW - no, there's not enough stuff for that. Plus I can't guarantee that I'd be able to get out to the post office often enough to be reliable, or that I'd be able to work 16 hours a week. And unlike others on these boards *cough*, if I started a business I'd want to be able to make a go of it so I wouldn't need tax credits, I'd be earning money.

Mojisola, thanks, I didn't think about that. I'll leave it to sister to find out, she's got a science/engineering degree so she'll understand the report better than arts and humanities me!

Oldernotwiser

Ames wrote: »

ONW - no, there's not enough stuff for that. Plus I can't guarantee that I'd be able to get out to the post office often enough to be reliable, or that I'd be able to work 16 hours a week. And unlike others on these boards *cough*, if I started a business I'd want to be able to make a go of it so I wouldn't need tax credits, I'd be earning money.

Whilst I agree totally with your scruples regarding running a "proper " business, in your position I'd put the possibility of owning my own home ahead of my scruples, as long as I was legal. This is an opportunity that won't come again.

Ames

Well, it will come again, when dad goes and we inherit his place.

I have been thinking about setting up some kind of social enterprise business, using match funding. But my GP says I'm just not able to do anything like that.

Although having turned my brain to mush reading regulations and stuff I'm fairly hopeful that a proper decision on the inheritance will let me buy a house. I don't see how an intention to improve my living conditions (by getting somewhere with heating etc) can be conflated to an intention to deliberately deprive myself of capital to stay on benefits. As well as the regs, I've been looking at decisions quoted on rightsnet, which back up my case.

And I'm moving onto plan b - I'm applying to go to uni in September (part time). Hopefully getting a degree will open more employment options, so when I get my inheritance from dad I'll be in a position to be able to buy a house.

I've been looking from all angles I can think of, and assessing the risk factor in each one, as well as trying to be honest about what I'm capable of.

I really do understand what you're saying though, and appreciate it.

LegalBlonde

Ames wrote: »

can't guarantee that I'd be able to get out to the post office often enough to be reliable

Alot of the time doing anything in life just comes down to attitude. If you don't have enough stuff to make a business out of it, you could at least sell some stuff for a few weeks and manage a few trips to the post office?

If you do apply for uni in September there will be alot more things you might not want to do that you have to do so it might be a good start for you.

hermum

My friend was on incapacity benefit & sold her old house & bought another one to be closer to family, she made money on the original house & paid off her all her debts.
She sold in Cornwall & bought somewhere that was a lot cheaper, she still stayed on her IB.
So I would check that out thoroughly, buying yourself somewhere settled to live isn't like frittering it on a holiday, you're always going to need a roof over your head.

Mojisola

IB isn't means tested so any capital she had wouldn't affect it.

Ames

LegalBlonde wrote: »

Alot of the time doing anything in life just comes down to attitude. If you don't have enough stuff to make a business out of it, you could at least sell some stuff for a few weeks and manage a few trips to the post office? That's what I'm planning to do. Where mum lived isn't a problem as it's a small village post office which doesn't get busy. My problem is with not being able to park near the ones here, and the long queues which I can't stand in for long enough - it can be upwards of an hour. On top of which I'd be carrying heavy parcels.

If you do apply for uni in September there will be alot more things you might not want to do that you have to do so it might be a good start for you. As I said, it's not want to it's what I can do. I know there'll be problems at uni (although the course I'm doing will be 3-4 hours contact time and then lots of reading, so nothing physically too much), and as for the mental health problems I'm already looking into things that can help - like what MIND offer or other agencies. I've been doing voluntary work in a field closely related to the course to build up my skills and ability.

hermum wrote: »

My friend was on incapacity benefit & sold her old house & bought another one to be closer to family, she made money on the original house & paid off her all her debts.
She sold in Cornwall & bought somewhere that was a lot cheaper, she still stayed on her IB.
So I would check that out thoroughly, buying yourself somewhere settled to live isn't like frittering it on a holiday, you're always going to need a roof over your head.

As Mojisola said, IB isn't means tested. Also, selling a house you own and live in and buying another is allowed even on means tested benefits.

Thanks again everyone for taking an interest.

skintscotslass

Sorry Ames, I misread the post when you said you were 70 miles away...I took that to mean that you were 70. I did think, fair play to you, 70 years old and you're posting on threads. I am an idiot!

Savvy_Sue

Ames wrote: »

Thanks, although I'm not doing as well as it seems - I'm just not going into detail about how it's all affecting me.

I accept that. But I still want to say that however bad your MH is, you are not (apparently) completely losing the plot, IYSWIM. You are coming across as a very rational and understanding person, who cares about other people, and the effect your actions may have on them.

If it helps, you sound more 'normal' than your dad ...

If it doesn't help, just ignore me. I've always found it helpful to be told I'm doing OK, even if I don't feel I am and know I'm struggling.

Ames wrote: »

I'm not an emotional person either, but we want the chance to keep things if we want to. It's more the principle of it not being any of his business, along with a bit of a worry about missing something we'd want because to him it's 'worthless'.

Well, you may have to get the key back. If he doesn't respond to a request, remember you have the right to change the locks because it's not his house. And if he gets upset because he's started doing work and you're now changing the 'deal' he thinks he had, it's still not his house.

Glad to hear you are feeling more informed about the benefits question. It's obviously not a usual situation, so you probably got given duff advice initially. It happens!

Ames

I just thought I'd update.

I'll be putting the probate forms in this week, I phoned and they said I could take them in to the office, but they wouldn't be able to check them for me. It means I don't have to trust RM with important documents though, especially since dad is really antsy about being parted from his divorce papers.

Still nothing from DIAL, I'm having a paperwork day on Wednesday so I'll sort my own letter out then.

Dad's calmed down about doing stuff to the house, and not going on about him buying it as much. He's still going to put a new kitchen in, but it's to help us add value to it knowing we'll pay him back out of the proceeds, rather than doing up 'his' new house.

I had some good news today. When we found out about mum's works life insurance sister told me not to get excited as it won't be much. I googled it today and it's a years salary!! So that'll be about 6k each. Sister has a different idea of what 'not a lot' means than me! I'm still shaking - I thought it'd be about £500 max.

Although I have already decided what I'm going to do with it - I've got a shopping list of disability equipment, I'm applying to go to uni part time, so it'll cover the fees and a few books, I really need a new sofa (this one's literally falling apart), I'm going to waste a few hundred on an ipod and a couple of cheap city breaks, and that'll leave me 3.5k to put in a hard to access savings account.

If I'd realised it was so much I'd have sorted the paperwork a lot sooner!

So, family relations are a lot better, I'm on a much more even keel mentally and able to deal with paperwork, and today's news is the cherry on top really.

Next challenge is to try and get proof of my GCSE and A level results, from up to 14 years ago, so that I can get my uni application in.