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So angry with myself
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(((( HUGS )))) my condolences to you and your family. Take care of yourself.0
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my sister could be on here saying:
I'm so angry with my sister, she's taken nearly three months to do the paperwork for mum's estate
Or dad:
I've been reminding my daughter for months to get the paperwork done for her mum's estate but she keeps making excuses and putting it off.
Ames, an uncle of mine took seven YEARS (yes, 7 years!!) to complete the paperwork on his father's estate. And he didn't have mental health issues, like you have. Every time family members chased him about it he'd 'been busy', 'had trouble at work', 'had been going through a rough patch at home with his wife', etc etc ad infinitum.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Do what you can, and try and seek help with anything you can't manage.0 -
if theres no will, doesnt the whole estate simply pass to your father? were they married? if not, i suppose it goes to you and your sister
why dont you just say you need to sell the house
i used to work in housing benefits, not dwp i know, but we would not have considered buying a house as deprivation of assetts because a home is where you live, it would be different if you had spent it on a holiday, various cars, frittered away etc, but to buy a home we would not have considered that (although we wouldnt have paid hb for a home owner obviously but you get my point)0 -
i used to work in housing benefits, not dwp i know, but we would not have considered buying a house as deprivation of assetts because a home is where you live, it would be different if you had spent it on a holiday, various cars, frittered away etc, but to buy a home we would not have considered that (although we wouldnt have paid hb for a home owner obviously but you get my point)
I agreed with puddy...surely you are saving the LA as buying a house means that they dont have to pay your HB anymore?
I'm sorry that the CAB havent helped you. Do you have Income Maximisation Officers at your local council or a Welfare Rights Office? They would be able to help. Or how about Age Concern? I'm sure that they will have dealt with cases like yours.
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this on your own. (((hugs)))0 -
hello - I can't offer you much on the practical side but I wanted to say... please don't be angry with yourself. I've been there in some respects after a parent died for me 2 years ago.
I'll send you a PM. I'd advise getting the house on the market asap though. As in situations like this getting a house sold can drag on and on.
You need to look after yourself. And the cheek of it, just because you're not working?? It's emotionally draining and early days, stuff like this should be shared out. Though often isn't.0 -
is it? we havent got one, we need it but cant afford it0
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is it? we havent got one, we need it but cant afford it
Really just a pointer, that Ames should check whether there is such a policy.Signature removed for peace of mind0 -
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Thanks for all the replies.
I had an argument with dad last night. He was going on and on about what he was going to do with the house when he bought it, and I just said that I was more bothered about dealing with the effects on my benefits. He was saying that they can't force me to do things, or demand proof, things like that, and when I pointed out that if I do some of the things he suggested (like just not telling them about it all) I could go to prison, he just said I was being stupid.
A few other things he said really worried me. He was round picking up the post when someone from the council came to get him to sign off on the adaptations that had been made. We knew he'd done that, not a problem, but last night he mentioned that they'd given him some kind of advisory note about a problem with the electrics and he didn't tell us because it doesn't matter as he'll be buying it :eek:
He even said that if the benefits do have a problem then he'll go to court to stake a claim on the house as he paid into it for years before mum and him got divorced (and afterwards as part of the settlement).
And he has a go at calling it 'mum's house' because it isn't, although he's been going on about that since she died.
He said today that he's going to go in and start throwing stuff out, as he 'can't just leave it like that forever', and it needs doing. We can't get through to him that it's not his place to do that.
I've spoken to sister, she's going to be up in a few weeks for a week, and then again a few weeks after that. She's going to redecorate (lining paper and cream paint everywhere) so that it's clean and fresh and we'll put it up for sale. If dad wants to buy it he can do it as a random person just walking into the estate agents off the street, he's causing far too many problems right now. He's just gone too far with it all now.
She's also said if he does start chucking stuff out we'll take the key off him.
Me and sister really need to talk more, I think we've both assumed that the other is all in favour of dad's actions.Ames
Hope you did not mind my previous comments? No, not at all!
You can put the house on the market before you get probate, but you cannot exchange contract until it is done.
You can see things from your father and sister's side, well this is my side of Ame's needs.
The fact that your mother made no will is completely irrelevent; the outcome is almost certainly what she wanted. Not quite, she was going to put my share in trust to avoid benefits issues and make sure it'd be used for a house, instead of risking me going manic and blowing it all. She also wanted to leave something to her best friend, but we've no idea how much, so we're going to have to agree on an amount and give it to her when everything's sorted.
With respect to your father, there is no way the Goverment can take the money and it is quite reasonable to take two years to get probate sorted. In fact, given the problems with benefits, it is very much to your advantage to ensure that probate is not granted until less than 6 months before the house is sold. I know, but he can't see that. He's adamant that the DWP can't do everything they can. Your father and sister are massively complicating things by involving dad in the deal. if your father really is prepared to pay over the odds, let you sell the house on the open market and he can give the extra money to your sister directly. He could do that now and she would have no problem paying off the credit card debts. He doesn't have the cash now, he'd be selling his house to buy mum's (his is a bungalow, hers is a big 3/4 bed semi).
If you father wants to buy the house, then he has to agree to put his house on the market now. There is no reason why he could not have done that three months ago if he wanted to go in the spring. You simply cannot afford to risk waiting for him to sell his once the probate comes through, it could be two years in the current market. I know, but he has funny ideas about probate. As I said, he thinks that the government have an interest, he thinks that nothing can be done till it goes through. He also thinks that probate itself can easily take a few years to be granted, so he wont put his for sale until he knows mum's is available to him. As I said above though, me and sister have had enough of him.
If he refuses to do this, you need to put mum's house on the market sharpish ( we went on in September). I really would recommend tidying up a bit. Our EA was really good and he had seen the house in all its glory, every surface two foot high in stuff, unable to get in some rooms for stuff, smelly etc. When I finally got permission to sell (had to get POA and sort out planning permission and sell the plot first), he came round again and was pleasantly surprised because it looked liveable. OK, if anyone sat on the double bed, they would have had a surprise, but.... We had ditched the stinking mattress (straight out the window) and I had layered every duvet, curtain set and blanket, then covered the lot with a bed spread. It looked OK even if it was far from it. I've spoken to my sister and we're going to do that. Cheap paint on the walls, some cheap carpeting, and give it a good clean. Hopefully mum's work life insurance and trade union death payment will cover the costs of that, if we're putting it on the market my benefits wont be affected till it sells, so I'm happy to use it that way.
Get rid of the crap and put everything away and it looks so much better.
It is not too late to go on the market; after people return from holiday in August is a good time. So you have several months to sort that out.
With respect to the funeral bill, sorry but your family are cheeky. Happy enough to use the fact that you are on benefits to get the funeral paid different side of the family, it was my grandad (who'd told mum he'd pay for the funeral) who was so keen on me being responsible. but " my sister said when I told them I couldn't buy a hosue that it'd be a good thing for me to realise that there's a life without benefits because then I'd go get a job". Go to the funeral directors an ask them to re-bill "the estate of Ames mother". Then present the bill to the bank and thety will pay it directly to the FD. Did that today. Going to go to the bank on monday, although I don't know if I'll be able to do it in Leeds instead of at her specific branch. If needs be I'll go back over later in the week.
I am completely lost as to why you cannot buy a house with this money? Maybe discuss that next week? When I phoned the jobcentre they said it'd be deprivation of capital and I'd be treated as having the money even if I bought a house, I have to live off it until it drops below the permitted levels.
And as for your father starting to do things in the house, that has to stop now. He does not own it, nor does your sister and neither of themn has the legal right to do anything right now. It belongs to the estate of Ame's mum, not them. The things he's done so far are ok - the back door wasn't shutting properly, let alone locking, so he had it replaced to make the house safe. He's also ordered a kitchen to put in, which we're not happy about. He doesn't see a problem as he's adding value even if we sell it on the open market.When I said about age all I meant was they shouldn't drop this on you because you're the eldest. Your sister has already caused a problem by depriving the estate of assets. You're being walked over here. How big a problem is it depriving the estate of assets? She found something on the DVLA website that said it was fine for the car to be signed over to her, and she registered it to herself with no problems.
Hope it gets sorted.if theres no will, doesnt the whole estate simply pass to your father? were they married? if not, i suppose it goes to you and your sister No, they were divorced 12 years ago, so it goes to me and my sister.
why dont you just say you need to sell the house I told him I need to put it on the market, he just can't see how I can get my benefits for up to six months while it's on the market, but not for six months before putting it up. Or he doesn't want to understand it.
i used to work in housing benefits, not dwp i know, but we would not have considered buying a house as deprivation of assetts because a home is where you live, it would be different if you had spent it on a holiday, various cars, frittered away etc, but to buy a home we would not have considered that (although we wouldnt have paid hb for a home owner obviously but you get my point) A few people have said that, but the woman at the jobcentre said no, buying a primary residence even when I'm renting isn't allowed. I've been reading up on the regs so I can write to get an official decision from a DM.
I'll read the rest of the thread now, thanks again for the responses.Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.0
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