Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

lessonlearned

Good Evening Ladies

Callisto - just wanted to say how sorry I was to read about your parents business. How sad for them when they have put all their work, hopes and dreams into it. I do hope they manage to find a way to either hang on or find a buyer.

As you may know I had to sell my lovely apartment in Spain to clear our debts and just keep OH and I going. (If you have a second property you get absolutely no help with costs for SS and the like).

I had to take quite a hit by reducing the price in order to get the sale. That was about 1 year ago now. Thank goodness I acted swiftly and when I did. Given what's happening in Euroland I would never manage to sell it now. I'm still owed about 3000 Euros through the legal process. There's a strong possibility that I've lost this but at least I managed to come out of the deal with most of our money.

Sophistica I agree with your analysis of guilt/anger. I think they are both opposite sides of the same coin. Yes I feel anger - utter impotent rage if I'm honest. There have been times when I've also felt resentment - not with OH as such but with our situation. I console myself with the thought that these feelings are entirely natural - only a fool would calmly accept what's happened to OH without as much as a murmur.

I often ask OH how come he manages to be so gracious about it all because I'm sure I would make a very impatient patient. He tells me that the 4 months he spent lying in a hospital bed taught him patience, acceptance and humility. He is a much nicer person than I will ever be - if it was me I would be ranting and raving at the fates.

Sparkles I love the advice you've given about introducing little things in stages.

I think for anyone who is wishing to defrump it's exactly the way to go, especially if you are little shy and don't feel you could cope with all the extra attention that a sudden transformation would bring.

If you've always hid your light under a bushel and then you suddenly appeared at work looking like you've stepped off the cover of Vogue then yes, I think people would notice and comment, and possibly even start teasing a little. That might be a bit difficult to handle.;)

The simple day time make up is more or less exactly what I do, tinted moisturiser, cream blusher, neutral eyeshadow, mascara, and a slick of lippy. In my case I also have to feather in a few eyebrow strokes because my eyebrows are very patchy. I can do it in about 5 minutes. Finishing off with a spray of perfume of course.

Bratz - I am sorry to hear that you have received some bad news today. Hope all goes well - will be thinking of you.

Lizzie - Glad to hear that you've got your counselling appointment - and yes I do think you are sounding a little brighter.

Re the negativity - this is a difficult one - for me it's relatively easy because I have the good fortune to have been born one of life's natural optimists. My dear departed MIL was one of life's natural pessimists. She couldn't stand my eternal optimism - it drove her up the wall.

When we first met she loathed me - I was never good enough in her eyes. After about 20 years or so of marriage to her darling son she was forced to admit that perhaps I was right for him after all. I wore her down and won her over. She finally confessed that she wished she could have some of my "happy go lucky, sunny nature rub off on her".

I asked her what made her so sad, so unhappy and so fearful that she could only ever see bad things. She told me a little about her childhood and I could see that all the natural youthful exuberance and joy that she once had had been so cruelly stamped on and destroyed.

Sometimes we cannot help our personality traits, they may be part of our genetic make up or they may have been forced upon us by circumstances and upbringing.

I don't know whether negativity can be unlearned - perhaps you could ask you counsellor for help with this. I would think that conquering negative thought patterns and learning how to be more hopeful would be a huge step forward for you.

I know that I can irritate people when I talk about silver linings and always trying to look for the positives and I do apologise if I get on anyone's nerves with this.

One thing a friend of mine used to do when things got bad - she used to write a "gratitude" list. All the things she had in her life for which she was grateful and which she would give thanks. It may sound silly but she said she found it to be a profoundly moving and uplifting exercise. She wasn't even remotely religious or "into God" but she said it did make her realise that she was one very lucky human being (or in her own words "I have no right to be such a miserable old cow":rotfl:)

She would write things like - I have a job (although she hated it) I have a roof over my head, I am warm, I have food, clean water and a comfortable bed, I have a nice warm soft duvet etc)

Lizzie I am not going to tell you to tell your OH to just shove it and get over himself - how you deal with him is up to you.

Just keep fabbing a little, talking care of yourself. Keep walking that dog in the fresh air. Even if your OH gives you a hard time I bet your dog adores you. Talk to your dog tell him/her all you worries/fears and joys. In return you'll just get more adoration. We all need to be adored sometimes.;)

Back in mo

lessonlearned

Molly - lovely idea to help your son with some fabbing. I do this with my boys too. They always like me to go with them to buy their suits etc - It's nice to know they value my er-hem fashion expertise and that they don't think I'm just some boring old fa*t they wouldn't be seen out in public with.

True Story - I took my DS1 clothes shopping when he was about 14. As usual after about an hour or so he announced he was starving. I said ok I'll buy you lunch but I get to choose the venue this time.

He gave me a very suspicious look. I took him to a fab little Italian cafe/bar which served simple but delicious food. It was one of my favourite pit stops for a coffee whenever I was in town. The waiters knew me quite well and of course being Italian they always flirted with lady customers. DS1's eyes were like saucers, he loved the food, lapped up the attention and even professed to like the music - typical Italian tenors.

When we got home I heard him telling his baby brother all about it "It was great, they were playing Opera and all the waiters fancied Mum". Bless him.

Bitsy - hope you feel a little better.

Well today was good. Went to see the rehab consultant. She is organising an electric wheelchair for when OH goes into the nursing home - all the residents have them and they whizz round as if they were on a race track.:eek: She is also organising some communication aides. A special portable talking keyboard - a la Stephen Hawkings.

Another true story - this one is a bit saucy, so look away now if you are easily offended.

When OH was in hospital unable to speak they lent him one of those keyboards. My sister came to visit him.

He tapped out a message to her "Show us yer t*ts." She tapped out a message back "Kiss my a**". So charming and refined. They had the nurses killing themselves with laughter.

Anyway this particular consultant thoroughly recommended our choice of nursing home and said that it would be perfect for OH's needs. She reassured OH that, given the way his illness was progressing, he would have a far better quality of life that I could give him at home and that we would have far more quality time together. I think he found that very reassuring.

Polesalot - well done on the Christmas Cards. I bought my boys (as 3 of them have to include OH) three giant Toblerones for their stockings today. (Half price at Sainsbury's).

Anyway off to bed now. G'night all x

sophistica

Hi All.
Having given such profound advice on avoiding negative thinking, I have blown a gasket today. Sorry it is an AUCTION story! I "won" a clock on ebay...while I was at it, I bought a mirror (which I only half wanted) from the same seller. The seller then claimed that the clock was irreparably damaged earlier in the day by her builders (even although they didn't end the auction early). Then when I schlepped into the centre of London to collect the mirror at a pre arranged time they weren't at home. I have left them negative feedback AND sent them an invoice. NUTTERS!

Anyway I have now composed myself.

Yesterday, I lost nearly 1IB in weight by counting calories and keeping to approximately 1200...I now am certain that WW is fatally flawed, I am one of those people who can eat 10 bananas in a day and consider it "free" food.

I am pleased to have helped some people with my views on negative thinking. I should say that I used to be really negative. I had a top job making films at Pinewood, which involved chatting to my PA, eating lunch in restaurants, barking instructions to film directors and producers and sitting around the executive dining room with Edward J Fox and Charlton Heston and I would cry on my way to work in my company BMW. I also used to boil over with rage at the slightest thing. I then had a very bad gall bladder problem and nearly died in hospital, then I got dramatically fired! And then I had a court case! Within a few weeks i had gone from one of the highest paid women in the UK to being homeless and on the dole. Anyway my experience taught me a few things 1) you are not your job title 2) Being down gives other people a reason to walk on you. 3) What goes round , comes round.

Over the years I have stumbled on Anthony Robbins (the positive thinking guru and walking on fire guy) and Robert Kiyosaki "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and made a load of money in property (count no man happy until he is dead) and things have turned around...but I did spend a long, hard and mostly unemployed 6 years on Prozac and there is no way that I am going back there! So I stand guard on my mind and when my mind turns to anything negative I literally shout "STOP".

I also agree that compared with most people we have no problems. Recently I lived on £1 a day for 5 days as part of a charity challenge and it was tough - 1.2 billion people live on the buying power of £1 per day and they go to bed hungry every night. In Eastern Europe are literally thousands of people who are homeless, tonight, they are sleeping in the cold with their children on the pavements. When I have spare cash I donate to charity... we have to remember that not everyone lives like us.

My plans for tomorrow are going to be to concentrate on my wealth building schemes as these have been neglected of late. Hugs to all, whether you need them or not.

maman

fedupandskint wrote: »

I'll have to stop going on about this soon as I think I'm boring them all about this!

Oh no you don't sparkles, you go on about it as much as you like! Congratulations on the lost inches.

I was going to suggest an eyebrow pencil, to lizzie and molly, as a great bit of kit that's easy to apply. Just a soft brown or grey depending on your colouring. I find if I have my eyebrows shaped (I favour waxing but threading or DIY is fine) and then pencil in the shape it makes me look more awake.

lessonlearned wrote: »

Bratz - I am sorry to hear that you have received some bad news today. Hope all goes well - will be thinking of you.

Lizzie - Glad to hear that you've got your counselling appointment - and yes I do think you are sounding a little brighter.

Exactly what she said. Take care of yourselves and keep posting!

lessonlearned wrote: »

Another true story - this one is a bit saucy, so look away now if you are easily offended.

When OH was in hospital unable to speak they lent him one of those keyboards. My sister came to visit him.

He tapped out a message to her "Show us yer t*ts." She tapped out a message back "Kiss my a**". So charming and refined. They had the nurses killing themselves with laughter.

I'm sure that's misuse of NHS property!:rotfl:

I've had a good day. Did OCM this morning but not very well. I think we need to set the thermostat higher for our hot water. The only way to make a good job of it is to take the kettle to the bathroom for the hot cloths which is a bit of a faff and puts me off doing it more often. I didn't do my hair as I knew I'd be out in the rain and wind tonight so it seemed like a waste of time. I did do my make up. My idea of light every day make up is tinted moisturiser, a brush of bronzing powder, soft brown eye pencil, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lippy plus, of course, pefume and hand cream. I've been using eye shadow and a highlighter on my cheekbones too for when I want something a bit more 'made-up' looking. I've got here from just lippy and mascara thanks to this lovely thread.

I'm also keeping up with the healthy eating (well in between the overeating at weekends recently:o). I made a huge slow cooker full of bolognese sauce for the freezer and a big tray of roasted veg pasta salad as I needed a couple of packed lunches:drool:. SW is so brilliant in that you can eat loads as long as it's healthy.

Been to watch my team play tonight and we won!:T We didn't play well but we won so that's what counts.

bratz81

@sophistica - yes I feel that same way about WW. I don't see how saying as long as you stick to your points it's fine. I did the older WW for a while and was allowed 22 points a day - which I could have 4 Mars bars. How is that healthy at all?

Also, thanks guys for the well wishes. I've been reading up on the procedure/test I've to go for and although it's scary I think it should be ok. I've to get a colposcopy, and apparently my test results says that without treatment I'm at moderate to severe risk of development cervical cancer, surely with treatment it should be fine. Or that's what I've convinced myself!

pink_poppy

Good luck with it bratz, fingers crossed everything is ok for you xx

lessonlearned

Good morning ladies

The sun is shining and I'm full of beans (well half full:rotfl:) and raring to go. Off to physio this morning and then might pop up and see Mum & Dad - haven't seen them in an age.

Just wanted to say to Sophistica wow - what an interesting and searingly honest post. You've paid a high price for your success and I'm glad to see that it's all coming well in the end - that you've managed to pick yourself up and start afresh. That is really inspirational.

As you might guess from my name "LessonLearned" I have a similar tale to tell - another time.:rotfl:

Mission "Rebuild Finances" begins in earnest next year.:D I have at least managed to clear my debts so will be starting with a clean slate.

You mentioned Robert Kiyosaki - did anyone see the programme entitled Money, on BBC2 last night. Fascinating and a bit sad I felt.

Now as you know I'm a strong advocate for the power of positive thinking etc. I believe that even when we are at rock bottom, we can start again and rebuild our lives. We can reach for the stars - if we want it badly enough we will do it.

However, I also truly believe that thinking alone isn't enough - it has to be backed up with positive action. For that read work, graft and effort.

Well this programme was all about the rise of "Wealth Gurus". Very illuminating and rather sobering. There were people on there who had paid out thousands of £'s to attend these seminars. Had they made their fortunes as a result - of course not. I got the impression they were addicted to the glamour and razzmatazz that surrounds these seminars.

The money they had spent would have been better used putting themselves through training courses or education, or maybe just getting a market stall and get cracking with building wealth the only way you can - by dint of your own efforts.

It's like our own Frump to Fab - only we can make the changes necessary, no-one is going to do it for us. There are no magic wands or quick fixes. Just a little bit of effort on our part and a whole lot of patience. Sorry, but there it is.:o

So my friends, have patience, take heart and keep going.

Have a great day x

lessonlearned

Bratz - Good luck darling.

There are many types of abnormal cells, which even if they are at the pre-cancer stage, can be swiftly removed.

Cervical cancer does seem to be one that gives out plenty of warning, hence the recommendation to have regular smears.

When is your procedure. Will be thinking of you.

Easier said than done I know, but try not to worry too much.

Much love X

lizzie157

Floss and Sparkles
Thanks for the ideas. I do already have my eyebrows threaded and i have been tinting them myself (and my lashes) for a few months so i don't really need mascara in the daytime. I've probably got some lipbalms somewhere i'l look them out and see if they're ft to use.
Maman
Yes my brows are a bit sparse in places -much better shape since i started having them threaded but yes might have a go at using a pencil.

And i will do all these things slowly or i won't keep it up.:rotfl:

Bratz

good luck with the procedure. I know someone who had pre-cancer cells lasered off. she was only quite young but she has been fine since had check ups for a while but has since had a child. i think treatment for this kind of thing is very successful.
sending best wishes x

things to do today

try and finish sorting out living room
walk dog/s ?
have already done face exercise

Probably won't get chance for much else kids are off due to strike.

See you all later

bratz81

thanks guys. LL - I don't know when the procedure is yet. I'm waiting on a letter with an appointment from the hospital which apparently should come in a few weeks so goodness only knows to be honest.