Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

vasseur

Just caught up!

LL - so sad to read of your chat with OH. I can only imagine how painful that must be. Best to focus on the positives though and enjoy the quality time that you'll have together.

I haven't been on much recently, I'm still keeping up with all the beautifying though.

I feel blue mainly I just need a kick up the bum but I have such insecurities when it comes to my OH. I just keep wondering why on earth he's with me. I am a single parent and he is a couple of years younger than me with no children. I just get such paranoid and irrational thoughts when he goes out without me and this weekend I'm hardly going to see him at all - because of various things he's had planned he's out Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I just hate feeling like the 'wife stuck at home' and we don't even live together!!! I'm so confident when I'm single and such a complete neurotic when I'm in a relationship. My friends were so shocked when they realised how I felt. I really don't want to muck this one up because he is a really decent man.

How does everyone else keep their self-confidence intact? Sorry for all the waffle. I feel bad talking like this when others have got far worse problems

Bitsy_Beans

polesalot wrote: »

Just caught up!

LL - so sad to read of your chat with OH. I can only imagine how painful that must be. Best to focus on the positives though and enjoy the quality time that you'll have together.

I haven't been on much recently, I'm still keeping up with all the beautifying though.

I feel blue mainly I just need a kick up the bum but I have such insecurities when it comes to my OH. I just keep wondering why on earth he's with me. I am a single parent and he is a couple of years younger than me with no children. I just get such paranoid and irrational thoughts when he goes out without me and this weekend I'm hardly going to see him at all - because of various things he's had planned he's out Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I just hate feeling like the 'wife stuck at home' and we don't even live together!!! I'm so confident when I'm single and such a complete neurotic when I'm in a relationship. My friends were so shocked when they realised how I felt. I really don't want to muck this one up because he is a really decent man.

How does everyone else keep their self-confidence intact? Sorry for all the waffle. I feel bad talking like this when others have got far worse problems

Well my H is the husband all the girls fancy <rollseyes> He gets on really well with women (not in a flirty way.....he really has very poor self image) but all the girls are there fluttering their eyes at him.

Well add me to the mix, insecure about how I look (especially after two kids), feel frumpy and deeply unsexy and you have the recipe for the classic green eyed wife. And then I had a break through. I decided that if H was going to cheat me being a green eyed monster was a) likely to drive him to it and b) not stop him in the slightest. I came to the conclusion if he couldn't see what a good deal he'd got in me (we've been together 15 years) then that was his loss. I was no longer frightened of my relationship coming to an end. How mad does that sound :rotfl: It was only fear that was feeding the insecurity and when I realise that I am worth loving, that he does not see me through MY eyes but his own then whats the point of being jealous. As long as he doesn't encourage them it's no big deal. I can hardly poke the eyes out of every woman in the UK :rotfl:

with regards to feeling like the wife stuck at home could you tactfully broach the subject about you missing him this weekend and is it possible to not schedule so many things over the weekend. Tread carefully as you don't want to appear a clingy, needy woman but you know men......they quite don't often realise these things til they are point out to them. Would it bother you so much if you had your own plans too? Are you spending all your personal time on doing things with or for him?
Does it feel like you're waiting to have time spent with him as in on a list of things he needs to do?
Have a hug and feel free to talk, everyones problems have merit no matter what's going on with anyone else xxxx

vasseur

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Well my H is the husband all the girls fancy <rollseyes> He gets on really well with women (not in a flirty way.....he really has very poor self image) but all the girls are there fluttering their eyes at him.

Well add me to the mix, insecure about how I look (especially after two kids), feel frumpy and deeply unsexy and you have the recipe for the classic green eyed wife. And then I had a break through. I decided that if H was going to cheat me being a green eyed monster was a) likely to drive him to it and b) not stop him in the slightest. I came to the conclusion if he couldn't see what a good deal he'd got in me (we've been together 15 years) then that was his loss. I was no longer frightened of my relationship coming to an end. How mad does that sound :rotfl: It was only fear that was feeding the insecurity and when I realise that I am worth loving, that he does not see me through MY eyes but his own then whats the point of being jealous. As long as he doesn't encourage them it's no big deal. I can hardly poke the eyes out of every woman in the UK :rotfl:

with regards to feeling like the wife stuck at home could you tactfully broach the subject about you missing him this weekend and is it possible to not schedule so many things over the weekend. Tread carefully as you don't want to appear a clingy, needy woman but you know men......they quite don't often realise these things til they are point out to them. Would it bother you so much if you had your own plans too? Are you spending all your personal time on doing things with or for him?
Does it feel like you're waiting to have time spent with him as in on a list of things he needs to do?
Have a hug and feel free to talk, everyones problems have merit no matter what's going on with anyone else xxxx

Thank you, thank you, thank you....you have really helped me. In a stupid way I don't fear the relationship ending because I know I'm fine on my own. I'm not even insecure about the way I look (several men at work are always paying me compliments, I just don't know how to take them ).

The weekend thing was just bad timing. I always knew he was going out on Saturday, then something else he'd agreed to (but didn't know the date of) turned out to be Sunday, then he'd planned to come round Friday when his mate reminded him yesterday that the stand-up they were going to see was Friday. He's still popping over Saturday during the day...it's just not the same.

I know I need to stop feeling (and acting) clingy and needy. I need to stop analysing texts (and response times to texts, crikey I sound like a madwoman!!!) need a chill pill I think....

You really have helped me, so thanks again :T

lessonlearned

polesalot wrote: »

but I have such insecurities when it comes to my OH. I just keep wondering why on earth he's with me.

Because he wants to be.:):)

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HE WANTS, OOH, OOH, OOH

Gotta dash - need to get that dinner cooked - no-one else is going to do it.;)

Polesalot - I'll be back with a pep talk later.:rotfl:

phoenix_dragon

Hi all, seems like everyone is doing well. LL, I have to confess I cried a bit about your conversation with OH.

Well, I'm 30 weeks pregnant today, and I sure feel it. I decided to walk 2.5k on the treadmill to try and keep mobile, as I don't really leave the house a lot - I either need to pee after 5 minutes, or my back says 'NO'. After about 2 minutes I noticed my thighs were rubbing together :eek: I had to change into running legging-things, instead of shorts.

I'm also looking after my nails, not painting them, but keeping them short, getting rid of hang-nails and trying very hard not to bite the skin on my thumbs, and trying to shave regularly. On a related note, I can no longer see my 'undercarriage' without using a mirror.

I am, from today, going to make the effort not to keep eating total carp. So far, if it's the kind of thing you wouldn't be allowed to eat on any diet, I've eaten it.

Bitsy_Beans

Polesalot glad I could help. And get on with accepting those compliments, give that ego a boost. Lord knows mine could do with one!!!

PD hey if baby wants it baby gets it have you got the pregnancy waddle down to a fine art yet? I always laugh as you can spot a pregnant lady from behind, especially if they are slim by the waddle. Happy days although 3 years on my pelvic floor still hasn't recovered!!!!

fedupandskint

Beautywise I have cleansed and toned, moisturised and oiled my face and neck

Have painted my nails a deep shade of cerise for the late sun and sandals for tomorrow

In the morning I will hairpack alongside shampoo and conditioner

To everyone lacking in confidence. Take those steps to build it up slowly then everything comes to together. I felt like this too at one stage. Took a while to get to the point of feeling better but it worked better when I started exercising and kept to it. 1yr and 2mths later I feel so much better about myself and much more positive about life. Couldn't imagine ever being in this place before but I am and feel completely different to how I did before

Anyway enough about all of this. Will be shopping at the weekend for some autumn and winter wear and sending back a couple of dresses that just don't do it and a coat that looks pretty rubbish on me. Tomorrow is run day where I try and improve my running speed.

Have more or less stuck to the kcal allowance for today but was good and had all my fruit and veg portions again today. Felt very hungry this afternoon again and caved in to a slice of bread and jam and a pack of sunbites. Never mind tomorrow is another day!

lessonlearned

Polesalot - Hope you didn't think I was being flippant. I do understand how a lack of confidence/or self esteem can bring us down and affect the way we view our relationships.

However, I do think that sometimes we women have a slight tendency to over-analyse our relationships - whereas men - simple uncomplicated beings that they are - just get on with things.

I do agree with all the other posters in that we can all take small steps to boost our confidence. A little pride in our appearance and a little bit of TLC is a great help in this.

I also think that for many of us - we do actually grow in confidence as we get older - one of the pluses of aging.:rotfl: Well there has to be an upside.

I think becoming confident can be practised and worked on - start by learning how to accept those compliments!!. Don't look for deeper meanings or significance just accept them at face value - does wonders for the ego.

One thing I have learned is that confidence and beauty don't always go together. There are many beautiful women who are deeply insecure.

Like Bitsy I married a man who was very attractive to women, all ages from 9 to 90 found him irresistible, openly flirting with him in front of me. Despite him being Jack the Lad and regularly running a veritable "stable" of girlfriends before we met, I've never worried for a second.

He recently wrote his memoirs - here's an extract.

"Seeing that I spent a large part of my non-working life at the "Abbey", it was no surprise that I should meet my future wife there. The meeting marked the end of my time as a 'wild boy'.

(The Abbey was a pub).

Although he was very charismatic and could charm the birds off the trees he was and always has been a perfect husband and father, faithful and loyal. I've never doubted him for a minute and always had the utmost confidence in him.

Back in a mo

lessonlearned

Needed to split the post - it's a bit of a long one.

Anyway - get this, despite his 'wild boy' image, undoubted charm and good looks, plus being some six years younger than me I still was very confident in my ability to keep his attention and interest.

And - get this, I'm no beauty. No I'm not being modest.

I was born with a red angry strawberry shaped birthmark on my face. It gradually faded a little but I was stuck with it until I was 55 when it became cancerous and had to be removed. The surgeon did a brilliant job and I now have a faint scar and my face is just a fraction lopsided.

I don't know why but, for some reason, I wasn't bullied at school because of my birthmark. If I had been then things might have turned out very differently and I might have been very insecure.

I think although the Good Looks Fairy might have passed me by, the Happy Go Lucky Fairy showered me with blessings to compensate.

I was always cheerful, optimistic and chatty. It was as if I learned at an early age that because of my disfigurement I had to make more of an effort than most, with both my appearance and my personality.

The lessons have stood me in good stead, because never having been a beauty I've never been scared of ageing and losing my looks. I also realised that when men found me attractive it was because they were looking at something more than skin deep.

Therefore I was never worried that my men would go off with someone else who was younger or prettier than me. So maybe my birthmark did me a favour in a round-about way.

Back later.

Jellybaby

Hi ladies, still reading when I can but thought I'd jump in and let you know I'm still moving forward. The new beauty regime I started afew months ago with all your help is still going strong, still losing weight and have started zumba! Absolutely love it and the fantastic comments I'm receiving is really boosting my confidence and self-esteem. I'm now turning my attention to starting the renovations on the house again. These had stopped when OH became ill for financial reasons and after he passed I used the excuse that I wanted time to make sure I got things right but in all honesty I stalled because it felt as if I would be leaving him behind if I changed anything. I now realise over six months down the line he wouldn't want me to be like this at all, what we had was special and will never, ever be forgotten but it's not healthy for me to stay in that time frame I have to move on.
I'm finding this new thinking scary in parts but so, so liberating too if that makes sense. I'm discovering 'me' and it's quite exciting! I'm away to read through the pages I've missed. Hope you are all well - and smelling devinely:)
Jill x