Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

betony

Thank you lessonlearned, maman and podperson for your advice and support, it is much appreciated and much needed

lizzie157: I have sent you a PM. Please keep up with this thread, the people on it are very supportive and good-natured.

lizzie157

thanks podperson and betony for your kind words.
Podperson -no your not out of line. Many of the problems I face are down to my relationship issues. Yes he wouldn't want me to feel better about myself, I might leave him behind cos he's happy just to moan about things. The fact that I'm working towards getting back to work doesn't suit either. He has belittled me for a long time. I will be going for counselling - am just unhappy that I expressed a wish to be contacted via email because of it causing upset and they ignored this. I am only lucky he didn't open the letter.

I will keep up with the thread - you are all so lovely. Just didn't want everone to think I'm always moaning-I have good days and bad but I'l keep plodding on.

Bitsy_Beans

lizzie157 wrote: »

thanks podperson and betony for your kind words.
Podperson -no your not out of line. Many of the problems I face are down to my relationship issues. Yes he wouldn't want me to feel better about myself, I might leave him behind cos he's happy just to moan about things. The fact that I'm working towards getting back to work doesn't suit either. He has belittled me for a long time. I will be going for counselling - am just unhappy that I expressed a wish to be contacted via email because of it causing upset and they ignored this. I am only lucky he didn't open the letter.

I will keep up with the thread - you are all so lovely. Just didn't want everone to think I'm always moaning-I have good days and bad but I'l keep plodding on.

lizzie you're in what Womens Aid website would probably refer to as an abusive relationship. Not all abuse comes via the fist
so please don't feel like "you're always moaning", you're in what sounds to be a terribly toxic relationship, where he's chipped, chipped and chipped away at you and your self esteem.

Good for you for going for the counselling. If your H finds out and reacts badly just remember this is done to make you doubt yourself. If you became more confident well he just wouldn't quite have you where he wants you now would he. Have a hug and please keep posting xxx

lessonlearned

Just a quickie, desperate for a nap, really tired today.

Lizzie - just wanted to send you a big hug. Please don't think you can't post because you are feeling low, that's all the more reason to post. I'm sure I must bore some of you half to death sometimes with my rants about the SS and pouring out my heart about OH's illness.

I can't offer much in the way of relationship advice - I honestly don't know what to say. All I can offer is my very best wishes for you in whatever decisions you come to.

I agree with PP - try and get some counselling - it may help you get your thoughts in order and help you feel stronger and more confident.

I think sometimes it's the lack of confidence and self-esteem that holds women back. Unfortunately - sometimes - partners/spouses (of either sex) can strip away the confidence of people purport to love and care about. To be fair sometimes they aren't even aware that they are doing it. Everyone around them walks on eg g shells and they don't even realise.

I've seen this a lot - sometimes the relationship can survive and even improve - sometimes it just can't. Only you can decide that one.

All I can say is - and I'm sure the others will agree - please don't stay away. Just do what you can when you can and keep posting.

Take care, hun, look after yourself and try to be brave. Go to the counsellor and get some help. Of course your OH would probably benefit from going to but if that is not going to happen, then go by yourself if you have to.

Do it for you. Big hugs. X

Back later.

floss2

lizzie157 wrote: »

.... I will be going for counselling - am just unhappy that I expressed a wish to be contacted via email because of it causing upset and they ignored this. I am only lucky he didn't open the letter.

When you are feeling stronger, maybe you could set yourself a task to speak to the GP's surgery manager about that. See it as a "pay it forward" to help anyone else in a similar situation. I am really pleased to read that you are going to your appointment. If he ever asks what it is, tell him any of "contraception / hysterectomy / menopause / periods - you know, womens-plumbing things"...I bet he won't bother asking again! Don't forget that it is a gradual and continuous process, you may think it isn't helping at first but stick with it, and keep us all up to date with how you are getting on.

Well, I'm having a torrid time at work...suffice it to say that tears have been shed (again ) and there seem to be plans afoot to change things in a couple of months, but I'm not yet sure how that will impact on others in the team and ultimately on me so I guess we will have to wait and see on that

Fab-wise...waxing eyebrows & legs tomorrow, my toenails are pretty good still so I think I will leave them raspberry pink for another week or so. Am going to a local Barcelo spa on Sunday with my best friend (venue of our wedding reception last year) for a pamper day, facial & mani for me and massage & mani for her. Hair is lovely and soft, L'Oreal Elvive smoothing shampoo & conditioner seem to work well for me, with a spritz of their Full Restore 5 leave-in conditioner while it's wet. Still got my lovely natural highlights from our hols, and still got a bit of a glow going on, despite the miserable cold mornings!

Have been wearing my dress & opaque tights outfits yesterday & today.. black/grey/royal blue yesterday (BHS charity shop bargain!) and plain black (last year's Asda £12 snip) with a long sleeved t-shirt & patterned tights today. I have a fab pair of black patent lace-up shoes from New Look that are at least 3 winters old (thank heaven for a good cobblers nearby!) and are great to wear for work. When it gets properly cold it will be black or brown leather knee boots, when I've resurrected them from the case in the attic!

DH still away, so it's an early night with my book & the radio - am currently reading "Two Lipsticks and a Lover" by Helena Frith Powell, it's an observation on life as a French female by a Brit living in France, and is interesting and funny. I have another one of hers too, "To Hell in High Heels" which is just as good.

Hope all are OK on this Autumn Equinox....does this mean it's Winter and I can put the extra bit of quilt onto my bed to make it all marshmallowy and cosy?

bratz81

morning all.
This post may not make much sense - I'm so tired my eyeballs are hanging out of my head!! I've been on lates in work (3:30pm til midnight) all week, but in at 7:30 this morning for day shift as it's Mabon and I've a ritual on. So kinda sleepy!

Fab-wise I did my nails on...Tuesday though they'd need touched up but that'll have to wait til tomorrow. My toe-nails also need re-done, again tomorrow. I am however wearing a dress today, Yay! no jeans Waiting on a few jumper dresses I ordered off eBay to arrive as well so that'll help me break out of the jeans rut.

fedupandskint

Happy today!

got weighed and lost another 2lbs over the last 2 weeks meaning I have now lost 12lb and only have 5lb to go until end Oct.

Nails wise - my toe nails need a spruce up this weekend along with my finger nails - Lazy Sunday job!

Went for a run last night which was tiring as I was so tired but at least I did it even though I cut it a bit shorter than usual.

I need to swop summer and winter clothes around shortly as the temperatures are dropping now and be ruthless with some items I never ever wear and get rid one way or another.

Also I bought a pair of work trousers in the sale this summer which are now way too big as is my belt and I wore them yesterday and they looked rubbish. When I bought them I could just fit into the 12's and better in the 14's and went for the 14's as this is my usual bottom half size. Probably because I never thought I could lose all this weight and wish I'd gone for the 12's now!

Now, do I keep them in case I fill them out again? Might see if they fit mum now and see if she wants them as she is also losing weight too

podperson

Morning all,

Lizzie - glad you're going to do the counselling, keep us updated. Definately don't worry about feeling you're moaning or anything, we all do it! I agree with LL that it's very sad that people who are supposed to love us can often be the ones who damage our self-confidence. Probably not on the same scale as you but I know OH can sometimes come out with rather thoughtless comments that upset me and make me think, 'well what's the point really?' I know he doesn't mean to do it though so am trying harder to say something when it does happen so he can realise, and he does seem to be trying bless him. It's strange because other times he can be really supportive and full of praise but my mind still sticks on the tiny little negative comments - something I need to work on.

Floss - sorry work is stressing you out Hopefully your spa day will help a little, and your outfits sound lovely.

Bratz - yay on the dress! hope you had a good sleep, I so do not miss shift work!

Fedup - congrats on the weight loss I'm having a similar problem with work pants, am just buying the cheapy ones from Asda for now as I'm hoping the weight loss will keep going. Got some about 2 months ago as my old ones were constantly round my hips and getting the same problem with these now. Not complaining tho!

Anyway, did my shred last night - it's weird but a day off on it seems to make it about 10 times worse when I go back. Not much else though Tried to weigh myself this morning but my scales were having a bit of a paddy as usual - can anyone recommend some decent scales? - was wobbling between 3-4lbs under last weekend's weight though so will take that! Was meant to be going walking tomorrow but am now doing a traffic survey for some extra cash - not looking forward to it tbh, is a 12hr shift where we have to meet at 6.30am :eek: am just hoping it's not chucking it down as think we're outside all day. Ah well, must just think of the money!
Hope everyone has a good day x

bratz81

podperson - thanks! I got about 4 hours and am currently running purely on caffeine lol.
I have a ritual tonight for Mabon hence the swap but at least tomorrow is Saturday and I can lie in.

floss2

podperson wrote: »

... can anyone recommend some decent scales? - was wobbling between 3-4lbs under last weekend's weight though so will take that! ...

We've recently bought some Salter glass scales - they are a bit precise though as it shows stones, pounds and ounces!