Father's Day

3v3

Newly_retired wrote: »

...Have heard no more since then, about 10 days ago...Not sure when I shall next see them. They are a very busy family, kids at school, parents work. I am busy too. I have lots of commitments and a life of my own too so it is not easy for free time to coincide....

Then time to give him a call just to say "hello" Tempus Fugit

Person_one

Newly_retired wrote: »

Thanks for all the interesting replies.
As I said I was not really hurt, certainly not offended, mainly puzzled.At last contact my son said he didn't know at that point whether they were going to the inlaws or they were coming to them. He did ask if I could come the day before but that was not possible. Have heard no more since then, about 10 days ago.
We are not going to fall out about it.
Not sure when I shall next see them. They are a very busy family, kids at school, parents work. I am busy too. I have lots of commitments and a life of my own too so it is not easy for free time to coincide.
Thanks for opinions, especially constructive ones.

He invited you for Saturday, you said no. You invited yourself for Sunday (Father's Day) and he said no. Yet you're puzzled?

Clearly, he knew Father's Day was going to be spent with his wife's father (absolutely fair enough) and thought about you enough to invite you another day so he'd see you that weekend. You say you have lots of commitments so free time doesn't often coincide, well that's exactly what's happened here! You just need to realise that the time spent with the in-laws on Sunday wasn't 'free time', it was time committed to somebody else. Just because several members of a family spend some time together doesn't mean everybody else related by blood or marriage has to be invited too, or we'd all need banquet tables and 6 fridges!

Your son sounds exceptionally considerate of his needy mother to me!

gratefulforhelp_2

From your DIL's point of view...I like to invite people to my house in discussion with my husband, I don't have people invite themselves.

POPPYOSCAR

Newly_retired wrote: »

Thanks for all the interesting replies.
As I said I was not really hurt, certainly not offended, mainly puzzled.At last contact my son said he didn't know at that point whether they were going to the inlaws or they were coming to them. He did ask if I could come the day before but that was not possible. Have heard no more since then, about 10 days ago.
We are not going to fall out about it.
Not sure when I shall next see them. They are a very busy family, kids at school, parents work. I am busy too. I have lots of commitments and a life of my own too so it is not easy for free time to coincide.
Thanks for opinions, especially constructive ones.

I think that is what a lot of us do not understand, we can't see why this puzzles you.

It does come across that you expect your son to fit in with your schedule and not his.

Newly_retired

Not at all. The way it works with us is for me to say when I am available at a weekend which is rare, rather than vice versa. They are tied up midweek. They say yes or no. Fine, No issue.

Person_one

Newly_retired wrote: »

Not at all. The way it works with us is for me to say when I am available at a weekend which is rare, rather than vice versa. They are tied up midweek. They say yes or no. Fine, No issue.

So why puzzled?

3v3

Person_one wrote: »

... Your son sounds exceptionally considerate of his needy mother to me!

I don't think we're in a position to judge if the OP is a *needy* mother or not, based on one instance. And I'd defy any mother to say they have never felt bemused by a decision their child (adult or otherwise!) has made. You only need to read a few of the threads on here to see other examples of "bemused.com". So why resort to sweeping statements aimed at a personal insult? Pity really, because it devalued an otherwise valid point.

Person_one

3v3 wrote: »

I don't think we're in a position to judge if the OP is a *needy* mother or not, based on one instance. And I'd defy any mother to say they have never felt bemused by a decision their child (adult or otherwise!) has made. You only need to read a few of the threads on here to see other examples of "bemused.com". So why resort to sweeping statements aimed at a personal insult? Pity really, because it devalued an otherwise valid point.

Sorry, but saying 'Aren't I one of the family?' because an occasion at her son's in-law's house didn't include her, does strike me as a touch needy.

3v3

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, but saying 'Aren't I one of the family?' because an occasion at her son's in-law's house didn't include her, does strike me as a touch needy.

It's a rhetorical question, but not necessarily "needy"

POPPYOSCAR

Newly_retired wrote: »

Not at all. The way it works with us is for me to say when I am available at a weekend which is rare, rather than vice versa. They are tied up midweek. They say yes or no. Fine, No issue.

He said no so you should be fine on that basis.

But it obviously is an issue for you or you would not have posted in the first place!

You would also not be asking if you should mention it to him.