Father's Day

LegalBlonde

Couldnt have put it better myself thanks

stclair

I rang my dad to say happy fathers day and his reply was "oh is it fathers day" lol

POPPYOSCAR

McKneff wrote: »

But, do you have children, or grown up children, it doesnt sound so,
sorry, you cant say that till it happens to you. You'll feel different when one of your grown up children hurt you,obviously without meaning to but.....time will tell.

But I fail to see why the OP should feel hurt by this. It is not Mothers Day and her son has his own family and his in-laws to consider. To feel hurt by this has a selfish tone to it for me that he should include her no matter what just because its what she wants.

If he were to continually put her off from visiting I could understand her feeling hurt, but this is one day!

balletshoes

Newly_retired wrote: »

Sorry, I should have said, I'm his mum. So I know I'm not part of Father's Day, but surely I am part of the family?

do you (ie you, sons in-laws, son and his family) regularly go out all together? just wondering, as my in-laws live 3000 miles away and my mum has never met them. But my sisters have both their parents and in-laws living very locally, and neither set of in-laws meet up with my sister and her husband regularly all together.

Fathers Day, to me, isn't an occasion like a birthday or Christmas where all the extended family would expect an invitation.

Pee

One thing the children in this thread can tell you is that it is very unlikely your son intended to hurt you. You don't need to be a parent to know that it is thoughtlessness or poor communication which causes the upset, not delibrate unkindness.

I think your son was just letting you know about his other plans. It sounds like you don't feel very valued and that the in laws get more of the young couple than you do. I think it's normal to feel this chilish competition, but I bet if you think about it, you loved your parents, you liked your in laws. For no real reason it was easier to be with your parents than with your in laws. Tell your son you would like to make plans and see what can be arranged, but don't hold this against him.

Would you benefit from a hobby or an activity to give you more going on in your life?

podperson

I think perhaps you are being a little over sensitive here. You asked your son to go for lunch and he had already made plans, surely this must happen sometimes and as long as it's not a common occurrance and he's not trying to avoid you then it's not that big a deal. You said yourself that you don't really do Father's Day so why would your son think you would want to come along? - and that's assuming that he's organised it and not his in-laws, in which case he might not feel comfortable asking more people without checking with them first.
Me and OH will generally go out with my parents and his separately - not because we're trying to exclude one set but because we find it easier to have a good chat and catch up with one set on their own and since they aren't really close friends or anything I don't see the need to invite both sets along to everything.

POPPYOSCAR

Newly retired just wondering if you had any more thoughts on this.Have you decided to say anything to your son? Hope you are not still feeling
left out by this.

CH27

Newly_retired wrote: »

Hey! I'm just making conversation here!
I did say I wasn't even thinking about Father's Day when I asked about visiting.
I'm not mortally offended, just a bit puzzled. I'm not going to go into the circumstances. Suffice it to say that we don't get together very often because of distance and other commitments, whereas his in-laws live close by and they see a lot of them.

We can only give our opinions base on the info you give us.
Clearly there is a lot of background to this that we are unaware of so it makes our opinions unbalanced.

3v3

Newly_retired wrote: »

... Suffice it to say that we don't get together very often because of distance and other commitments, whereas his in-laws live close by and they see a lot of them.

And being closer geographically, plus sharing the "commercialised occasion" is something both he and they do; well, had you realised it was Father's Day, would you have made the suggestion in the first instance?

Who knows, maybe he was embarassed having to decline? Maybe he was surprised you asked on such an obvious (to him) occasion? Mind you, saying that, seems it was the in-laws who invited their daughter and husband to theirs and therefore your son wasn't in a position to include you; not without their consent anyway, and that could have put them on the spot and in an awkward position? If it was a celebration at your son's home, maybe, as you don't see one another often, you being there may have taken the spotlight off the fact it was Fathers Day?

It's alway a juggling act when two families blend through marriage; and quite often (although, not always) it is the girl's family who reap the majority of their time: hence the saying, "A daughter is for life; a son until he takes a wife" (or something like that, the essense is there )

Your user name suggests perhaps you have more time now to switch your plans/be more spontaneous/flexible with your visits? If being included is of value to you and you wish to be part of "family" get togethers, there's no reason you couldn't set the trend
You could just as easily invite them all out for a meal on your next visit (or, if that is too costly - visit, buy the ingredients and cook for them all there). That way, you all get to know one another better, you extend the hand of friendship more steeply and who knows, maybe, sometime in the future when a similar circumstance arises they won't think twice of saying "We're off to the in-laws for Fathers Day, would you care to join us?"

As for what to say to him, only you know the full circumstances and the relationship you have with your son. Personally, I would let it pass, but then I'd make an effort to put in place the suggestion I made above or similiar.

Newly_retired

Thanks for all the interesting replies.
As I said I was not really hurt, certainly not offended, mainly puzzled.At last contact my son said he didn't know at that point whether they were going to the inlaws or they were coming to them. He did ask if I could come the day before but that was not possible. Have heard no more since then, about 10 days ago.
We are not going to fall out about it.
Not sure when I shall next see them. They are a very busy family, kids at school, parents work. I am busy too. I have lots of commitments and a life of my own too so it is not easy for free time to coincide.
Thanks for opinions, especially constructive ones.