Is it ok to get friendship advice on here?

sacha28

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Look - you don't actually like the wife. You feel sorry for the husband. You've put up several reasons why you should tell him what's going on despite many responders advising you to butt out.

Okay - do whatever you think will help but when (not if) it backfires, perhaps you'll see what others were trying to warn you of.

It's all new, you're upset and at the moment, it is dominating your thoughts. So go out for a walk round the park, to the gym, or visit your Mum for a cuppa - do nothing until the morning and see if you feel any differently then.

If the randy male and the wife aren't deterred by the obvious suspicion being levelled at them, who are you to think that any good whatever will come of telling the husband? Has it occurred to you yet that you might be provoking the very bust-up that your pal most dreads?

Christ that's a bit harsh don't you think? Angry words from an angry person? FYI this is not a very new situation, it's been going on months, but the secret trists in the office only came to light today, until then it was just suspicion.

I never said I didn't like her, I said she has changed. At one point we were very close but her friendship with this man has driven a wedge between us. And as for feeling sorry......no.......we CARE about him, there's a difference!!

Teddy_KGB

I'm glad some of you lot aren't my friends!

"All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing."

Ok evil is a strong word, but you get the point of the quote.

sacha28

Teddy_KGB wrote: »

I'm glad some of you lot aren't my friends!

QUOTE]

I was thinking the same :rotfl:

paddy's_mum

sacha28 wrote: »

We're not bothered about her, although I loved her dearly she has always been bordering on rude and treats her hubby like a slave

I'm sorry if you found my reply angry. It was meant to be no more than exasperation.

However, I stand by what I was given to understand from your own initial post. You don't like her. You are very concerned for him. You only learned of more facts a couple of hours ago. You don't know anywhere near the whole story of your OH's pal and his marriage and their intimate life.

He may be grateful if you inform him or he may hate you for evermore for forcing him to look at something he doesn't wish to see. I can't dictate what you do - I can only speak as I see it which is what you asked for! All I'm saying is that you are perhaps treading on dangerous ground.

One of the saddest aspects of someone else's bad behaviour is that bystanders get hit by the flak when they've done nothing wrong. As sadly you are now finding out, you may be damned if you do and equally damned if you don't. Not a happy situation for you or your OH since you are quite likely to lose your friend whichever route you take.

I still say, take an evening off. Put it out of your mind and think about it again tomorrow when you had time to think on it all just a little more. Good luck and I hope it all works out for all involved with the least damage.

picnmix

I would def tell him the rumours going round, or your OH should.

Many many moons ago whilst living with a chap he was off with someone else, a distant friend whom I had been to school with rang me and told me that she had seen him with someone else. Turned out that a lot of my "close" friends knew and had chosen not to say anything, they said they were too embarassed to tell me and upset me. Well it embarassed me and upset me a lot more that they had known, I felt like such a fool. I would imagine if it was carrying on at work it would have felt a whole lot worse finding out that it was "office gossip". However, my ex had been carrying on in public and they were all over each other like a rash apparently. In this case it seems that although obvious to you all, you have no def evidence that anything is going on.

Do what your heart tells you, but be prepared that the outcome may not be great for your friendship. If you have no other proof than seeing them flirting together at work I would be inclined just to mention the rumours, not that you think there is anything going on.

sacha28

Have you ever known anyone that you love and think the world of but some of the things they say and do make you cringe? She's very much like that. We're angry with her for her behaviour, she knew what he was like before she started working with him and she has still allowed herself to be completely sucked in by him. She has completely shut us out, their nights are with randy male and his OH, and I had a conv with his mum the other day (it's all very inter-linked ha ha) who said he is miserable because she has cut all of his friends out of their life and they only see who she chooses. She even apologised to me for her behaviour towards us, not that she should. Part of me thinks it's a case of 'keep your friends close but your enemy closer' for her, if they hang out together as a 4some then how could he possibly twig? I know I should keep schtum but I'm finding it really difficult not to pass comment (I am usually a complete gob schizer that speaks as I find!!)

BitterAndTwisted

The more you disclose of the situation and your feelings about it, the less attractive you're making yourself sound. Quite honestly, you sound like a spurned and vengeful teenager rather than a grown adult.

Sambucus_Nigra

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The more you disclose of the situation and your feelings about it, the less attractive you're making yourself sound. Quite honestly, you sound like a spurned and vengeful teenager rather than a grown adult.

This......

suki1964

And if I was randymale and I got wind of you watching cctv film of me Id be suing the company

paddy's_mum

sacha28 wrote: »

because she has cut all of his friends out of their life and they only see who she chooses

But this is exactly what I meant when I said that if your OH's pal decided to keep his wife despite her infidelity and she insisted that he shoot the messenger ..!

Clearly then, she already is massively controlling and the most important aspect of that is that he tolerates it. For all anyone else knows, that may be the kernel of the marriage and what he most wants from his relationship.

You must surely see that all the 'telling' in the world is going to cause nothing but trouble, unhappiness and distress. Let someone else tell his Mum so that he hears the news from someone who will love and hug him and dry his tears ..