Is it ok to get friendship advice on here?

sacha28

j.e.j. wrote: »

you say you all work in the same building, - does this include the husband (your OH's best pal)? If so I don't think it'll take him long to twig what's going on, tbh.

Yes the husband works in the same building but he works nights, the randy male and my OH work days. He has absolutely no idea whats going on, he's very trusting of her and she is very convincing. It's a very large building with many different departments (of the health kind if you get my drift) but I have heard through the grapevine that it's the talk of the department she works in. I really don't want to get involved but my morals are screaming at me that he needs to know. I can't talk to her, I've been avoiding her for the past few months since she started working with him........she is so different to how she used to be and I don't like shallow people who drop people when something more appealing comes along.

BitterAndTwisted

He doesn't need to know. At least, not from you.

sacha28

There is so much more to this......every saturday my OH and randy male work together. About 2 months ago, when wife started working in the same building, he started disappearing 'to the toilet' at exactly the same time. My OH tracked him on CCTV and found he was meeting her. The next week the OH said at 4.55pm 'time for your 5 o clock p**s mate'. When questioned what he meant he said that for the past few weeks he's always been to the toilet at the same time, and left it at that. The week after my OH decided he didn't want them to be alone so he just happened to turn up where they meet (this is easy in our environment). Both looked horrified and somewhat sheepish. They both know that he suspects but it has made no difference. I am genuinely gutted at this situation, his best pal is one of the nicest most trusting blokes you could ever meet and I feel he is having the .... taken out of him.

paddy's_mum

You have absolutely nothing to gain by telling anyone anything quite apart from the fact that you don't actually know the facts. It may be that she is still only flirting not hopping into bed with him.

It may also be that the husband knows but prefers to keep her despite any infidelity. It certainly sounds from your "slave" comment that he knows just what she is like but loves her and wants the marriage to continue. It's not your place, right or choice to have any influence on that decision.

It is a sorry fact of human nature that when the stuff has hit the fan, everyone close to a situation gets splattered to some degree. You run the risk of easing your moral qualms but losing your oh's best friend anyway when he decides that he can never again see you without having painful memories brought to the forefront of his mind.

What are you and your OH going to do if he stands by his wife and she demands that he shoots the messenger - you!?

j.e.j.

It may well fizzle out, - randy bloke doesn't sound like the most monogamous of people :eek::rotfl:If this woman wants to wreck her marriage for the sake of a fling with this guy (if that is what is going on) then I think there's not an awful lot you can do unless you feel comfortable having a quiet word with her.. especially given that you have your doubts about whether the husband will believe you.

I can see your hubby's point of view, though.

Teddy_KGB

If your OH is the husband's best friend then he should tell him! I think the husband would rather his best mate tell him than let it continue and the pair of them continue to make a complete mug of him!

Puzzledbubbles

at the risk of being hated - i have been the one who was cheated on and everyone knew and what hurt more was those that knew and didnt tell me.

The ones who told me i know are my true friends and as much as you run a risk if you tell him that he will never speak to you again you will know that you have not helped her decieve him.

In my opinion it is not interfering but it is sharing what is common knoweldge and i believe that he has a right to know.

If i were feeling diplomatic i might speak to his wife and tell her that i knew, that she had a week and then if he didnt know by the end of the week you will tell him - but again, that is just my opinion

Idiophreak

sacha28 wrote: »

I have heard through the grapevine that it's the talk of the department she works in.

This is another angle you could go at it from.

How about saying "sorry, mate, but I thought you should know - I've heard some rumours doing the rounds of the office..."

Or, combining this with my "running joke" idea...how about "Oh, I was listening to Chatty Natty the receptionist the other day..she reckons that you and Randy Andy are quite an item now! HA " - keep it nice and cheeky, but it will make sure her OH's aware of the gossip, anyway

sacha28

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He doesn't need to know. At least, not from you.

Then from who? Who would be the best eprson to tear this guys world apart? I have said to the OH that we should just be there to pick up the pieces but he is of the mindset that he would want to know. I was in exactly this situation with the randy male's OH, who I work closely alongside. The randy male told me that he was seeing someone else but I didn't tell her, just dropped in subliminal messages to check his phone etc. She did, caught him, then believed his lies that she was just someone who had become obsessed with him. It' a lose-lose situation all round I guess. I don't want his world to fall apart, they only got married in October after 11 years together

paddy's_mum

Look - you don't actually like the wife. You feel sorry for the husband. You've put up several reasons why you should tell him what's going on despite many responders advising you to butt out.

Okay - do whatever you think will help but when (not if) it backfires, perhaps you'll see what others were trying to warn you of.

It's all new, you're upset and at the moment, it is dominating your thoughts. So go out for a walk round the park, to the gym, or visit your Mum for a cuppa - do nothing until the morning and see if you feel any differently then.

If the randy male and the wife aren't deterred by the obvious suspicion being levelled at them, who are you to think that any good whatever will come of telling the husband? Has it occurred to you yet that you might be provoking the very bust-up that your pal most dreads?