How to cope being the only one with more than 2 braincells...

polejunkie

MrandMrsB wrote: »

You say he's artistic, but could he be autistic?? My son who has Asperger Syndrome is forever being conned. Unfortunately, even though his benefits are more than our joint pensions, I bail him out! (I am not pleading poverty since we have substantial savings because I look after the pennies!)

I have wondered this but how do you approach this in conversation?

barbiedoll

polejunkie wrote: »

He floats around in his own universe and very much like the 4th child,

I think that this is your most telling statement. He (along with a lot of men) acts exactly like a child because he knows that he has you to lean on. What would he do if anything dreadful happened to you? Would the house and family collapse around him simply because he can't get his head around a few bills? Of course not! Like a lot of gifted people, and some not so gifted, he simply can't be bothered to sort out the boring stuff himself. He plays the "silly old me" card so often and he gets away with it because it's easier for you to do this stuff yourself.

My OH is perfectly capable of operating a drill, building a shed, playing chess and he knows upteen card tricks. Yet he sat and looked at a load of wet washing all day because he couldn't work out how to open the washing machine door. He is a computer whizz when it comes to playing poker, downloading films and watching p0rn but if we have to fiddle around trying to remove a virus, he passes it over to me because, as he says... "you're the intelligent one in the family" :mad::mad::mad:

If he insists on you taking charge of the money, then do so and don't let him anywhere near the bank cards or the account numbers, open a new account if you have to. If he acts like a child, treat him like one. He can have pocket money only, and any big financial decisions are to be taken by you. No new carpets, furniture, etc until YOU say so. He can only buy anything for himself if he asks you for the money. If he is really that financially clueless, he won't notice that all of his earnings are being put into your account, will he? When he realises that he has to go cap in hand to you for every penny, see how long it takes him to wise up!

And get an answerphone!

pigpen

I'd take all his money off him and just do it myself.. some people just cannot grasp the idea of money/finances and other are just plain gormless.

It is actually both sad and amusing he was conned but it still is very unfortunate and I would dial the fraud line put the phone in his hand and stand over him while he sorted it..

You can love someone very much but sometimes they just push you over the cliff of exasperation and you could shake them til their teeth rattle

busiscoming2

polejunkie wrote: »

I have wondered this but how do you approach this in conversation?

You could be looking at the Autism test thingy on here:

http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/myhealthchecker/

and ask him to do it just for fun?

Callie22

From a purely practical point of view, if he's a musician and he's got an album out, is he a member of the PRS? It's free to join but it's probably the only way he'll see the royalties (if there are any).

pigpen

busiscoming2 wrote: »

You could be looking at the Autism test thingy on here:

http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/myhealthchecker/

and ask him to do it just for fun?

That is wonderful.. I apparently have ADHD AND I am borderline autistic.. that is so cool... i'm sending my mother the link!

polejunkie

i am severely depressed, no wonder

katerinasol

Didn't want to read and run... oh dear! I don't know what to say, except I would be so angry! My boyfriend is the same in that he avoids conflict and hates phoning up to explain when a payment is late or there is a discrepancy, it drives me insane! I hope you sort it out eventually seems like there's two things you can do, either mother him and the finances, or keep them separate and let him learn how to manage money by himself. Out of interest, what were his parents like when he was younger?

MrandMrsB

polejunkie wrote: »

I have wondered this but how do you approach this in conversation?

Oh, I picked that up remotely! Have you read much about AS? My son was not diagnosed until he was 18, so people though I was a bad mother....not funny at the time. He was bored out of his brains at school because he was reading uni standard books when he started school, but the teachers made him read "readers"! He lived a sort of schizophrenic life: readers at school and uni stuff at home which still makes me cry. In the end we placed him at a cheapo (!) private school where he was allowed to be himself - the owners are still good friends.

Suppose you would like to know how AS is diagnosed. If his mother is still alive and can remember what he was like when he was very young that makes the diagnosis much easier because his behaviour could have been learnt with age! E g in your case, could your OH be leaning on you out of laziness?

People have a certain image of people (usually male) who have AS: you know a boring unattractive geek types. Well my son is gorgeous! The first thing people mention when he is out of earshot is "isn't he good looking?" "doesn't he has a gorgeous personality?" Yes, he's stunningly gorgeous, and charismatic, and interesting. He is a genius, a brilliant actor who does not act (but should), has / had ? a beautiful singing voice (again not used), he has a superb sense of humour (spontaneous intelligent jokes), is a very good public speaker, is very popular indeed and will do anything for a laugh (you should see the photos of him dressed as a woman!). His problems are around being very disorganised and not being able to cope with mundane things.

My little sister was diagnosed as schizophrenic when she was young, but I always knew she was was autistic too, and the staff at the residential home where she lives, had her diagnosed with classic autism when she was 50 years old.

What to do? People who have AS usually suspect that they have AS, so if you mention it to your OH - maybe there is an appropriate TV programme that you could watch together or something. The National Autistic Society will be able to give you a list of the areas of diagnosis......e g the specialist asked me whether my son had no imagination or a vivid imagination (he had a vivid imagination), whether he was very tidy or disorganised (he is very disorganised), whether he had rituals before he went to sleep (yes, he needed eight different types of cuddles!!), whether his speech developed early or late (early). So it is a condition of "extremes".

Keep in touch please. Would love to know how you get on. Can we somehow email privately? I am new to this computer lark......

polejunkie

His mum just thinks he's a lazy oik, another one who is perplexed by the washing machine and the old cup + bubbly water = clean cup routine.

The thing that amazes me is he is the only one with a passport, the holiday was for 4 people and there is 5 of us. He had to ask where phucket was and is still adamant that portugal IS a part of spain.

It would be laughable if I didnt have to eat plain pasta for the last 3 days.