How to cope being the only one with more than 2 braincells...

polejunkie

Harsh title but I am in such a foul mood...

My partner of many many years is rather cerebrally challenged if you get my drift. He isnt too sure about things such as bank accounts, paying bills, household things etc etc he is a musician on the side of his usual job, a very good one and fairly well known if your in to his genre.

Anyway 99.9% of the time he will come and ask me to sort his stuff out like tax, bank stuff, bookings and ordering things on-line.

He isnt well known for his common sense by anyone, to cut to the chase we are mving house and this new house is basically a shell which will need carpets and every room decorating however we really are not that well off financially despite his band having an album out they are still getting peanuts. We cant get the house sorted until we get the deposit back from this house but he isnt getting it and wants to order £100's of carpets, laminate and paint to do before we move.

We dont have any money!

Which brings me to why we have no money.

A few weeks ago an american bloke rang up to tell him that 'your address had come up as showing a good credit score and that he had won a holiday!'

:eek: He fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Gave him his name, d.o.b and to pay the airport tax he gave his bank details complete with cvv number :mad:

I screamed at him to get to the bank and cose the account immediatly, he said he would, he didnt.

I just cant cope with his stupidity anymore!

relic

Sorry, I had to laugh at that last bit, brilliant! Can I have his phone number?

KiKi

Serious question: why are you with someone who you think so little of? Why are you moving house with them if you really have such a low opinion of them?

We all start somewhere, we're not all savvy and in tune with finance. If it's out of laziness, give him a kick up the backside. But if it's out of ignorance and lack of understanding, then doing it all for him, screaming at him and putting him down won't help.

Sounds like you're better off apart.

KiKi

Abbafan1972

Oh dear!

Don't mean to be disrespectful, but my hubby is not exactly savvy with banks and stuff like that, so leaves all that to me, but is most definitely not daft enough to fall for a scam like that.

balletshoes

you need to teach him to manage his finances, and don't do it for him, otherwise how will he ever learn? In your shoes, I would have absolutely no joint financial commitments with him, I couldn't cope with the uncertainty of where my/our money was going, and seriously, it would cause ructions in our relationship.

tomatoe_2

dear oh dear. Expect some fraud on that account. Musicians are notoriously useless at everyday things.

Bloomin_Freezing2

So was his bank account actually emptied?

Pollycat

OK, so he isn't financially savvy - but have you taken the time to patiently explain to him how 'things' work?
You say 'he's not getting it' but I'd have thought (I may be wrong) that most people could understand a situation like that if explained properly.

I had a friend who had no idea at all how credit cards worked.
They'd got into a financial mess using one years ago and refused to touch them.
Once explained that (assuming you're disciplined) they can work for you, the penny dropped.

You post sounds to me like you're maybe a bit short on patience.

He's not the first (and certainly won't be the last) to fall for a scam.
But, I would say that you really do need to do something about his bank account to stop fraud - even if you have to take charge.

BitterAndTwisted

You either take over total control and behave like his mother. Or you don't enter into any joint financial commitments with this numpty. Anything in between will end up in disaster. Do you have the time and patience to be his mum?

pinkcandyflossprincess

Poor bloke
some people arent good with money and stuff- male or female
my oh isnt- i get frustrated too as im the one who does all that stuff so he lives in oblivion and im the one constantly stressed
my moms the same with money too (well to a lesser degree as she knows how to save it in her bank:eek::rotfl:) but her oh pays all the bills and worries whilst she spends the cash on holidays and clothes and thinks hes being mean if her oh nevously suggests not buying so many clothes each week:p

paddy's_mum

To my sorrow, I've had quite a bit of experience with someone just like this and I cannot do anything for the OP except sympathise from the bottom of my heart.

It's not that the person is stupid. It's not that they are incapable of grasping what you tell them at the moment you tell them. It's not that they are careless, disrespectful, unloving or disloyal. It is simply that they don't live on the same planet as the rest of us and just breeze along in their own little world, oblivious to impending disaster. They truly do live like a Buster Keaton or Mr Pastry character ... the sort who when carrying a plank or ladder, turn to look at a passing butterfly and whack a bus queue of 20 people straight into the canal - and then look at the struggling swimmers in utter amazement, quite simply not comprehending their own part in the disaster.

I've come to the conclusion that you can do nothing to help these people fit better into the real world other than to behave towards them as a mother would. Take care of things, keep watch on their communications and interactions with others. Guard them, for want of a better description.

It's frustrating and sometimes you want to scream at their other-worldliness. However, nearly everyone who has dealings with this type of person agrees that they are unfailingly kind and gentle so perhaps people like the OP have to recognise that there is a trade-off going on within the relationship - keep the good and try to ignore or tolerate the bad.

I don't believe that there is much that you can do on a practical, day to day level unless your partner will voluntarily give you control of his bank account and cards other than keep careful scrutiny to save him from the worst of himself. It is hard and I would completely understand if you said that it was the direct and possibly only cause of the breakdown of your relationship.

It is my experience that those people who go through life having minor disaster after bad luck after would-you-believe-it are of this same ilk. It's the way they are made.

OP I hope you can rein him in, grit your teeth, take a deep breath or two and find reasons to count your blessings. Good luck.