lazy husbands

jakem_2

poppyjay wrote: »

Thank you for all your post just feeling very cross.
Me and little one have had a nice bath and feel alittle brighter my oh has just come home from work being sick .
.

I hope you leave him to fend for himself like he did you, sorry, a bit harsh I know, but I was in similar situation before I actually split up with my ex, amongst other things he was very lazy and work always came first.
I had some back pain for a few days, and this morning got out of bed and could not stand, as everytime I tried to take a step the pain from my back just juddered through me, and could hardly move, managed to crawl downstairs, he is standing in kitchen drinking his coffee before going to work, I was crying, saying I need to get to the doctor, as I couldnt walk let alone drive, no, he couldnt, as needed to get into work!!!!

That amongst other things was the worm in me turning.

praline

Some horrific stories here. I just gave Mr Praline the gist and he was disgusted.... But he did also mention - sometimes women do not say what they want/need from their partners and after years of being 'looked after' those type of men must get used to being their own man with 'er indoors'.

It's a deeper relationship issue really. If a man can leave his wife to drive herself to A&E while he hugs the sofa does he care about her? Admittedly I can understand not leaving work if first job in months but then I wouldn't have called unless the situation was desperate as I am sure the OP did.

A family is supposed to be a unit of people/beings, coming together for the well being of the whole. If 1 member is unable to cope (illness etc) the rest of the unit should pull together otherwise I don't see the point of being a family unit....

Praline.x

pozalina

I can relate to this in that my OH doesn't believe I am really ill when I am, so won't help me as much as I'd like. I think this is because when he is ill he will take to his bed and moan and groan loudly. When I am ill (often with the same illness) I try to keep going unless I'm really bad, at which point I sit down or lie in bed as I physically cannot do anything (at that point he will take over all jobs). He thinks that if I am still functioning in any way I cannot be ill. No, he is just a wuss!

YORKSHIRELASS

Poor you, what a nightmare and it does sound like your OH wasnt as understanding as he might have been.

I guess much of this depends on how things are with you normally. I think the important thing in 2011 is for a couple to work out a home life that everyone is happy with. When my eldest son was diagnosed with a serious chronic illness we both struggled on for a bit then decided one of us was going to have to give up work to care for him. We agreed that I would leave my job and do all the household stuff and childcare, and hubby would bring home the money.

We now have a very old fashioned marriage. I do absolutely everything in the house and 90% of the gardening and DIY. I also do most of the managing of my sons illness, hospital visits, school meetings etc. In return hubby works long hours to earn the money to support us. What really makes this work is that we both respect what the other does. Hubby is there for me with a hug and sympathy when I have had a bad day with my son - and I will have the kettle on when he comes in from work feeling tired.

I do feel a bit like a 1950s housewife sometimes (although I dont put on a clean blouse and make up before hubby comes home!!!) but it works for us so thats what counts.

I think that even if your OH couldnt practically do much because of work he should have at least done whatever he could to reassure you and make sure you were OK. Like others my hubby is a bit useless when I am ill but he will try to help.

make_me_wise

poppyjay wrote: »

Sorry need to get this off my chest .
My baby came down with a tummy bug friday night poor thing so was up with him only lasted afew hours.
I was up from 1am Saturday morning feeling very I'll by 6 am I was having bad chest pain phoned nhs direct they said go to a&e drove myself as oh was having a paddy about being late from work.
Lucky for me it was just this bug oh went to work by 9am I was throwing up ,baby had real bad runs we were in a mess phoned oh begging him to come home but he was too busy.
He finished at lunch time came home to do nothing really to help moaned about having to look after baby I could hardly move had a banging head but still had to change nappies and feed baby I feel like throwing him out can't even bare to look at him

Okay this is how I see it. Your husband seems to have a very strong work ethic, he is conscientious and likes to be reliable. In the long run this is good for your family.

In this current climate maybe he is trying to keep absence from work to a minimum. He may be under alot of pressure and have deadlines to meet. There may be threats of redundancy that he hasn't wanted to worry you with etc. His reactions to you needing him home seemed like panic. Maybe he is scared of repercussions at work due to the reasons I have mentioned above.

How old is your baby? If your hubby is working long hours he may not spend much time with him. My brother was not great with my nephew when he was tiny, didn't know one end of him from the other, or at least thats how it appeared. To be honest mainly because my sil did everything for their lo by herself from the start. If my brother tried to bathe him or feed him etc he would not do it the way she liked and she would take over. It knocked his confidence. He would have panicked if left to look after him alone as a small sick baby. Men dont like to admit when they are afraid of something. Maybe he felt like he wouldn't know what he was doing and make your lo worse. Not logical thinking but kind of understandable.

My advice is talk it through with him in a non-critical way. Let him know how you felt by what was said/done. But make sure he understands that you want to resolve this so you all feel happier in future. Take his feelings and thoughts on it into account.

praline

To be honest mainly because my sil did everything for their lo by herself from the start. If my brother tried to bathe him or feed him etc he would not do it the way she liked and she would take over. It knocked his confidence.

This is one of the main reasons that when Mr Praline does something in a way different from me I may walk out of a room or try to ignore it. I may tell him how I would have done it afterwards, but not in a condescending way, just a FYI.

I've seen too many men held back from interacting properly with their babies from day one, then mum wonders why they do not get involved later.

Not saying that's what anyone does here, but my mantra is 'if you can do it better, do it yourself'. Hence why I never correct Mr Praline!

(and yes - I have a household where we both do things equally without it being tallied. I hope if/when we have children it will be the same).

Anyway - of no help to the OP, but in your situation I would speak to my partner about how he made me feel assuming that I hadn't told him how unreasonable he was being at the time.

Praline.x

praline

Contd.. managed to post before I was done. I'd tell him how he made me feel and how I would have liked him to behave while trying not to mention what he did wrong -confrontational.

I'd go deep into it as well by looking at the greater meaning of the actions rather than just what happened.
i.e I called you when I needed you as I was scared and had to worry about the baby yet felt unwanted/unloved when I realised I'd have to struggle through on my own. I would have liked you there so I didn't have to mind our child while poked and prodded by doctors and to hold my hand as all I would have wanted by my side was my soul mate.

Or something as equally sickening as that (I've laid on emotional blackmail, probably wouldn't do so in real life but then I would have explained why I needed him when I called so that he would have known.... I have no idea what I would have done if he didn't come home contrite TBH as it would have screamed volumes at me).

Praline.x

balletshoes

praline wrote: »

Not saying that's what anyone does here, but my mantra is 'if you can do it better, do it yourself'.

yep, said in a calm voice, it works .

make_me_wise

relic wrote: »

Why cant women ski? because theres no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Dont be so sure. Things can freeze over and get very icy between the bedroom and most places if you suggest a womans place is in the kitchen and to slave after a bloke.

What a catch you are relic :whistle:

relic

make_me_wise wrote: »

Dont be so sure. Things can freeze over and get very icy between the bedroom and most places if you suggest a womans place is in the kitchen and to slave after a bloke.

What a catch you are relic :whistle:

Haha, i'm only kidding!

I'd be useless without my otherhalf, I think most men would!