lazy husbands

POPPYOSCAR

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Which still doesn't make him lazy. It might make the OP feel his priorities do not match hers, but it certainly doesn't make him lazy.

I think the lazy part stems from the fact that he went home at lunch time but did not actually do much to help.

polejunkie

My OH did exactly the same when my youngest was about 9 days old, the kids had the bug first then I got it really bad but I was left holding a 9 day old baby whilst having severe runs and vomiting, OH refused to accept that this bug could be really harmful to him and accused me of trying to get a day in bed. Left me lying on the bathroom floor and went out to meet his mate so he wouldn;t get ill as he was off to Belgium the next day.

Men can be such nasty, selfish creatures.

Pay back is always fun, cooking a curry in the slow cooker whilst he's dying of the same thing really helped me feel better about the situation I also vomited on his pillow by accident.

He was a angel last time I was ill, even got me a drink.

polejunkie

p_joker wrote: »

if it makes you feel any better I went through something a bit like this, 2 weeks after the birth of my son I didn't feel to good, I felt sick, dizzy, one of my breasts really hurt to the point I couldn't move in bed- I was breast feeding, I dragged myself out of bed, told my husband I didn't feel very well but he just said neither did he, he fell asleep on the sofa and left me to struggle with the 2 boys, anyway later that day we went out shopping but i took a bad turn again and kept feeling faint round a supermarket, I ended up in hospital overnight I had an infection, it took all that to get any help off my husband

Oh god this really gets me wound up, as soon as I say im not well, he's mysteriously not well too. With exactly the same thing I have but worse, of course.

pelirocco

polejunkie wrote: »

My OH did exactly the same when my youngest was about 9 days old, the kids had the bug first then I got it really bad but I was left holding a 9 day old baby whilst having severe runs and vomiting, OH refused to accept that this bug could be really harmful to him and accused me of trying to get a day in bed. Left me lying on the bathroom floor and went out to meet his mate so he wouldn;t get ill as he was off to Belgium the next day.

Men can be such nasty, selfish creatures.

Pay back is always fun, cooking a curry in the slow cooker whilst he's dying of the same thing really helped me feel better about the situation I also vomited on his pillow by accident.

He was a angel last time I was ill, even got me a drink.

And women cant ??????????

read what you wrote after this ( and no I am not a man )

pigpen

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Which still doesn't make him lazy. It might make the OP feel his priorities do not match hers, but it certainly doesn't make him lazy.

but coming home and OP still having to do everything does.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think the lazy part stems from the fact that he went home at lunch time but did not actually do much to help.

Exactly... tbh though if I was ill enough to warrant OH being home from work I would have gone to bed the moment he came in so not been available to do those things he would have had to do them.

blue_monkey_2

So, not that lazy then, more like conscientious and hard working really.

Sorry need to get this off my chest .
My baby came down with a tummy bug friday night poor thing so was up with him only lasted afew hours.
I was up from 1am Saturday morning feeling very I'll by 6 am I was having bad chest pain phoned nhs direct they said go to a&e drove myself as oh was having a paddy about being late from work.
Lucky for me it was just this bug oh went to work by 9am I was throwing up ,baby had real bad runs we were in a mess phoned oh begging him to come home but he was too busy.
He finished at lunch time came home to do nothing really to help moaned about having to look after baby I could hardly move had a banging head but still had to change nappies and feed baby I feel like throwing him out can't even bare to look at him

I quoted the bold bits after seeing your message flyboy.

He did 3 hours at work and then moaned about looking after the baby because his wife was throwing up and yet she still had to feed and change the baby while throwing up??

He sounds VERY conscious and hardworking - when it suits him. Looking after his family should be a priority. Especially if his wife is in bloody hospital and they have a very young baby!! Sounds like he wanted her to take the baby to A&E with her.

Back to the OP though. Most men are useless when it comes to stuff like this. My husbby is. After I gave birth at home at 7am he said he was going to get dinner for me and our 14 month old DD - a kebab!! He was annoyed when I said (in no uncertain terms) no.

Men are men. For most men, their duty is to go out to work and provide the money for the family, babies and the house are left to the women to organise. This is what they saw their dads do so how do they know any different. A generation back, this is what men did and so the 'new age man' thing has not filtered down to most men. It's our jobs to get our men more involved in family stuff so our son's are more involved in the house and childcare when they get married. Please speak to your friends about it though as this is what keeps me sane, you'll find most of their husbands are the more or less the same as yours - some are not, I did not say all - but most are. It is just how they have seen their own parents raise children.

If you do not speak to anyone you'll bottle it all up inside and it'll end your marriage. No-one wants to admit they have married a lazy ar-se but once you admit it to others, you'll be surprised how many others admit it too. And when my husband is doing nothing, I think how my friends have the same husbands and I have absolutely no incentive to run off to find the grass is greener - because I know it isn't and chances are I'll get another one just like the one I already have!!

I remember my friend telling me that when she had her baby her mum was round and her hubby was due in from work. Her mum asked her 'when are you going to get changed and clean up the baby'. My friend replied 'What do you mean'. It turned out that when her dad used to come home from work the kids would be fed, washed and changed into clean clothes, mum had dinner on the table for dad and she had to be in clean clothes and be in make-up to greet him from his busy day. No-one was allowed to speak to dad for about an hour until he had 'got over his busy day'. Dads had more time for grandchildren when they were not working anymore. This was just 30 years - or a generation - ago. Would a son of treat his family the same way? And would his wife be on here saying her husband did not fdo much or speak to me when I got in from work, and why was how I dressed not acceptable? She said to her mum though, 'when my husband makes an effort for me when he gets home from work then I will do the same'.

When you think of how life used to be for men/women you can see why some men do not have a clue when it comes to the house and families. Life has changed though and many women more women work too so men have to be involved. It's our job to make them realise this. Subtly.

WestonDave

To throw another possibility into the pot - is he an emetaphobe? Apparently one of the most common phobias is a fear of vomit or vomiting - I suffer from it but to a degree manage to control it! Out of preference I'd certainly rather do a 12 hour shift on the bins than stay at home where someone is chucking up - fortunately I can exercise some control over mine to the degree that I can force myself to help the kids (largely because I don't want them to see my fear and that lead to them developing the same fear!). My OH however is fully aware of my problem and so where possible she will deal with the vomiting child (which she can deal with) and I deal with the clearing up which for some reason I can cope better with and she finds harder. If that is part of his problem then it might explain his desire to be out.

Beyond that however it is the case that some old fashioned viewpoints remain where men seem to feel that childcare and household stuff is womens work and provided they are bringing home the bacon they have done their bit. Its not necessarily laziness as many of these men work extremely hard with the thought of providing properly for their family all that keeps them going in miserable jobs. In a perverse way I am lucky that as I grew up my mum suffered with depression so my dad had to do a lot around the house (and had that attitude) so I grew up expecting a fairer partnership. For others that were brought up as mummy's little boy the adjustment is harder - so mum's be careful what you let your kids get away with.

As for the original question - I suggest that once you are better and back on more cheerful form, you have a calm conversation with him, explain that you felt he hadn't properly supported you during this time, and suggest that you think about how that sort of situation can be better planned. You need to understand what his work attitude to that sort of absence might be, and if that or other fears are a factor in his behaviour, then work together to have an emergency plan in place for future illnesses.

DON79

Had something similar recently too - baby had a temperature for two/three days and was not sleeping through the night at all. Hubby decided after the first night of disturbed sleep that he would just sleep on the sofa so he didn't get woken up. I kind of understood as he has to get to work at 7am. But I still felt absolutely awful after those three nights and I still haven't yet had a lie in or caught up on sleep properly. Plus I still had to be up to do the school run and do the housework and put out my avon books. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair....

Hope you are feeling better OP - I have to say if that was me, I would be pretty angry that he didn't try help more in that situation by at least trying to arrange emergency time off or arrange to go into work later in the day if he was due to finish at lunchtime anyway. And if you were told to get to A&E, then they don't tell you to do that for no reason... it could have been very serious and he would have not had a clue.

relic

Well when men get ill, they are actually ill.

That's the problem with women these days, too many rights, not enough time in the kitchen.

polejunkie

pelirocco wrote: »

And women cant ??????????

read what you wrote after this ( and no I am not a man )

Its nothing more than he deserved. 9 days after having a baby, a c-section at that and he leaves me lying on the bathroom floor to go see his mate. he's lucky I didn't tear him a new hole.