How to get out of doing something?

Sambucus_Nigra

OP - if you were going to pay for a trip to Rome, and budgets are tight - would you prefer to be with friends or your OH and family?

Sometimes you can't fit square pegs into round holes, no matter how hard you try.

coolcait

The British 'booze, boobs and bums' approach to hen and stag weekends doesn't translate to other cultures very well. Unless it's places like traditional holidyt resorts which are already used to that kind of behaviour from some of their British visitors.

Apart from the risk that the Rome police will take a greater interest in your behaviour than they would here, there's a risk that restaurants and clubs will refuse you entry if you're drunk and raucous (which is often the definition of 'hen night'). The people around you certainly won't be impressed by that kind of behaviour, and may actively ask for you to be kicked out if you do manage to get in.

More importantly, there's also a real risk to the personal safety of the women in the group. Drunk, and therefore vulnerable, and dressed like tarts in a city/country where many of the prostitutes are in fact foreign... It looks like a recipe for trouble.

The whole sounds like an extraordinarily bad idea.

jcr16

theres no way i could leave my hubby and children for 4 day's. i'd be in knots. i would dread every minute. the only time i have spent nights away from our marital home is when i've been in hospital having a baby or when our son was admitted to hospital for the night. the last time my children stayed at grandparents for a night was nearly a yr ago and i hated it.

So in your shoes i would just be honest and say there is no way you can leave yoru children that long. any mother would completely understand and accept the how hard it is to be away from your children for a short while let alone 4 whole days.

FBaby

I know exactly how you feel as I am just like you. I am lucky to have a large number of wonderful friends, but I always feel under pressure to do things with them that are not really my cup of tea, or more importantly at times when I am just not up to going out. Like you, there is also the financial implication, spending money you don't really have on something you don't really want to do, well, it doesn't tend to make you feel depressed!

Saying that, I do strongly believe that once you say yes, you just can't back out, it is not fair for the other person. A while ago, I was talking to a family member who was telling me how sad and upset she was because a friend of hers had back down on an invit to a key birthday. She is a lovely person and i could see she was very upset. She said that she considered it really rude and inconsiderate to cancel when you'd said you would be there, unless there was a very serious reason. It made me feel a bit little as even though it had nothing to do with me, it made me think whether I might have hurt anyone's feeling by cancelling invits after having said yes. Deep inside, I do agree and I can understand this position. I am now much better at being upfront. What I tend to do now is not to say no upfront, but not a yes either, I say that I have to think about it, discuss it, and if after doing so I am not sure, I say no. If I say yes and then am not too sure, I still go with it no matter what.

If I were in your shoes, I would go to Rome. You have not just agree to go but gone along with organising it. You can debate how unfair she was, you still went with it and it is not fair on her to back out. her being uspet about you not joining her for her wedding might have been totally genuine as it might be that she really trully want you to be with her for her hen party. What I would do though is psy myself up for it, accept that you are going, accept the cost and just make the best of it. You might have a wonderful time if you let yourself do so. You can see it as a break from family life, no obligations, getting up when you want, no demands to respond to. Don't feel pressure to be out late, be drunk ect... tell your friend you are happy to be there with her, but this is not totally your scene, so if she doesn't mind, you might want to go and do some things without the group, and that you will be there of course for the evenings, but if you earlier, she shouldn't be upset, you are just not used any longer being up late. Enjoy the sun, the beautiful scenery, discovering a new place, and you might find that it was a lovely break that if not worth all the money, still worth a good chunk of it!

jetta_wales

If you really can't afford to lose £30-£60 then again how on earth could you possibly afford the trip? Plus spending money!

Threebabes

I would rather spend the money on some time away with my husband and kids. I think its a lot to expect people to shell out for a 4 day hen do and then to go to a wedding abroad, I would imagine a lot of people can't financially do it. Be firm and explain why you can't go.

Mojisola

Weak1 wrote: »

Regardless of what happens I'm going to look into assertiveness and practice saying no.

Please do! You're going to feel so good about yourself when you can say "No" to people when they try to get you to do things you don't want to do.

Pee

If you do go out sometimes with your best friend and really don't enjoy it, then I don't think you will enjoy Rome with them, even though it's a beautifuil city and I would go and try to get everyone forsaking the bars until about 3 pm in favour of the sights. (I'm not unreasonable, my feet will be aching by then!)

I thought the not wanting to leave your family was a poor reason and do think you sound a little over dependent on them - the children will grow up and leave home one day - but if you really won't enjoy their idea of fun/ company they you'll have to man up and say no.