How to get out of doing something?

Gigglepig

I think it is a bit late to say no now without upsetting your friend - you should just have said no as soon as it was mentioned that it is in Rome. From your friend's point of view the dithering could be pretty annoying. If I had already put away money for the hen-night/weekend in the UK anyway, and then lead my friend to believe I'd be going abroad with her, I'd make a big effort to get the extra money together so that I could go. If you no longer intend to go, at least tell her asap.

charlie792

Agree with all the other posters - Rome is ridiculously expensive, OHs folks went over for the rugby a few months back and said the prices of drinks alone was a shocker....

I honestly think you need to be upfront with her, you said you had debts and although Im all up for living life a little can you really justify the cost of going?

Anacrusis

Maybe it will be annoying for the friend if you cancel but she will learn about pressurising people into things they don't want to do ... it often leads to last minute cancellations, or people saying they're ill to get out of whatever they've been pressurised into!

If I've got that wrong and she's got carried away rather than been pressurising you, then you might need to be extra apologetic and explain how hard you find it to say no...

Tish_P

Which is your real reason? The cost, or the not wanting to be away from your husband and kids?
If it's the cost, phone your friend and go and see her as soon as is humanly possible, and explain that you can't go and why. If she has been your friend for that long, she deserves the truth.

If it's the not wanting to leave your husband and kids alone, then consider going after all, or going for a shorter time - your husband and kids will be fine, and it's healthy to be able to spend some time apart now and then. Either way, be honest with your friend as she will understandably be hurt if one of her oldest friends pulls out of her hen night.

busiscoming2

Tish_P wrote: »

Which is your real reason? The cost, or the not wanting to be away from your husband and kids?
If it's the cost, phone your friend and go and see her as soon as is humanly possible, and explain that you can't go and why. If she has been your friend for that long, she deserves the truth.

If it's the not wanting to leave your husband and kids alone, then consider going after all, or going for a shorter time - your husband and kids will be fine, and it's healthy to be able to spend some time apart now and then. Either way, be honest with your friend as she will understandably be hurt if one of her oldest friends pulls out of her hen night.

Totally agree!

CH27

I really dislike this trend of going on long weekends for hen/stag nights.
It costs a fortune & puts so much pressure on people.


OP go & see your friend & tell her you simply cannot afford to go.

BitterAndTwisted

Stop shillyshallying! The longer you leave it the more resentment and disappointment you will be causing. Just bite the bullet and admit that you absolutely cannot afford it. Do it now

Nicki

How much notice are you giving her? If the hen party is due to happen very soon, I think you have to accept that if you pull out now you may lose a friend for good, and decide whether that is a price worth paying. If you are giving a decent amount of notice, then you may be able to back out graciously preserving the friendship.

In future, the easiest way to get out of doing something is not to say you will do it in the first place. If you are put on the spot with a request, ask for time to think about it, rather than agreeing when you have no real intention of following through. You may find it hard to say no, but it is a hell of a lot easier to say no from the off, rather than yes enthusiastically, then no at the eleventh hour!

Errata

CH27 wrote: »

I really dislike this trend of going on long weekends for hen/stag nights.
It costs a fortune & puts so much pressure on people.


OP go & see your friend & tell her you simply cannot afford to go.

So do I, but if people accept an invite without first finding out whether it's in Manhatton or Macclesfield - more fool them.

sueeve

I just wonder whether at the base of this is a bit of fear of getting out of your depth, feeling unable to do things on your own (without partner I mean). If this is the case it is a separate issue from not being able to afford etc. Your partner might appreciate the responsibility/trust of being left to prove he can do it on his own.