Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

heartbreak_star

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

Does anyone have a sort of 'deadline' where they will no longer wait? Or are you just happy to hang on in there. I have a sort of timeframe in mind, where I dont think I will wait any longer. I know if I pressure my OH he would ask - BUT- if he's not ready, he's not ready and I dont want a 'forced' proposal. At the same time I cant wait forever. .

This is exactly how I feel! But I love him, so I won't give him a deadline.

Have you talked to him about it?

HBS x

Wine_of_the_World

[QUOTE=heartbreak_star;62365359

Have you talked to him about it?

[/QUOTE]

Sort of. We have spoken in general terms that we both want to get married - and a little about what we would like - ie no set ideas. The trouble is I dont want to say 'hurry up and ask me'. I want him to WANT to ask. Ideally I'd also love it as a surprise, not planned. I have hinted this, as when a friend had a 'planned' proposal I said I would not have wanted that, I'd want a surprise, and he agreed.

I also love him, but I do want marriage. I dont feel, in all honesty, that I would be happy waiting for say another year.

wangdoodle

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

Does anyone have a sort of 'deadline' where they will no longer wait? Or are you just happy to hang on in there. I have a sort of timeframe in mind, where I dont think I will wait any longer. I know if I pressure my OH he would ask - BUT- if he's not ready, he's not ready and I dont want a 'forced' proposal. At the same time I cant wait forever. .

No. There was a time I went through feeling that if it didn't happen soon I should just leave. But when it comes down to it I never would. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy waiting by any means. It's slowly driving me a particularly bitter kind of insane. But I love my OH, and I trust that it will happen when he's ready. If it never happens I will probably mourn my "loss" (how can you lose something you never had?!) and get on with my life.

Man, I feel so hopeless atm.

Big hugs to you HBS

WD x

FBaby

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

I'd love it if my OH wanted to surprise me like that! :T. I like the idea of another special date!

But in reality it wasn't so romantic because each time I felt disappointed, and then when I thought what he needed was the 'big hint' so told him straight out that my best Christmas present, he replied that Christmas was not an appropriate time for a proposal, instead of believing him, I thought it was an excuse to delay coming up with an excuse why he couldn't propose!

Then typical, just as he had it all prepared, going away for the week-end staying in a beautiful castle, I had so lost hope that I hadn't even put two and two together, so lost it the week-end before telling him that I didn't think it was ever going to happen and he got so cross with my doubting him that he shouted at me that that's what he had planned for the week-end!!!

So much for a romantic surprise Saying that, it took the pressure off both our shoulders, and as I still didn't believe it was going to happen until the last minute, it was still a wonderful surprise. It's only been 4 months and already the story of our engagement makes us laugh!!!

All this to say anyone reading this thread who has lost faith it will ever happen, do try to avoid challenging him about it just before the two of you are due to go away somewhere special!!

74jax

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

Does anyone have a sort of 'deadline' where they will no longer wait? Or are you just happy to hang on in there. I have a sort of timeframe in mind, where I dont think I will wait any longer. I know if I pressure my OH he would ask - BUT- if he's not ready, he's not ready and I dont want a 'forced' proposal. At the same time I cant wait forever. .

I had a deadline, when I asked him to marry me and he said no (because we didn't live together he says...) I said I wouldn't live together not engaged/married. So we were are a cross roads.

I said I'd give it a year of living together and if it was still a no then I would walk away.

I think if u really can't carry on a deadline is a good thing, but not to threaten to leave and then stay as (I think) that's just silly.

Turtle

We got married 8 weeks ago after 17.5 years together. Over the years it caused a lot of upset but ultimately I knew I wanted to be with him and not married rather than married to anyone else. Eventually it happened and he's now saying he loves being married and isn't sure why we didn't do it years ago

GoldenShadow

Sorry to hear of the ongoing disappointment ladies (are we all ladies on here?! It seems like we are), hopefully your OH's are just planning something amazing :cool:

I feel like I'm really horrible to my OH reading some of the posts on here

My parents separated when I was 14 but for some reason I just so desperately want to be married to my OH, if anything most people seem to think I should be averse to it! We're on the long journey of saving for a deposit to buy a house and he's been informed that I very much do not want to buy a house as a Miss. His brother and his OH have been together 6 years and she just had a big 30th birthday party, big in that she is very certain she never wants to get married and so her 30th was her big do.

It just feels like time as my OH's girlfriend is wasted, when I could be his wife instead. I don't want a big white wedding, I'd be happy vanishing for a long weekend and marrying in front of only about four people, but he's not so cruel as to leave his family out :rotfl:

*Dreams*

heartbreak_star

I feel like a massive meanie too, I love my OH so much - he is absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me. I just want to marry him!!

Thanks WD and hugs right backatcha.

HBS x

spam88

Aw I really feel for anyone waiting I got to a point where I was just so fed up of not being engaged that I just felt rubbish, and my OH would put on programs like Don't Tell The Bride and that because he thought I liked watching them, but they just made me feel like poo. He'd made comments as well about how I'd be waiting a few years for him to propose, and then we'd have a long engagement because he wanted to buy a house. Then the cheeky so and so went and proposed in March while we were in Paris, and wanted to get married as soon as possible! So don't give up hope ladies

I don't know about this deadline business though. I second Turtle, I'd rather be with him and not married, than without him

GoldenShadow

spam88 wrote: »

Aw I really feel for anyone waiting I got to a point where I was just so fed up of not being engaged that I just felt rubbish, and my OH would put on programs like Don't Tell The Bride and that because he thought I liked watching them, but they just made me feel like poo. He'd made comments as well about how I'd be waiting a few years for him to propose, and then we'd have a long engagement because he wanted to buy a house. Then the cheeky so and so went and proposed in March while we were in Paris, and wanted to get married as soon as possible! So don't give up hope ladies

I don't know about this deadline business though. I second Turtle, I'd rather be with him and not married, than without him

I wouldn't give mine a specific deadline, but I'm pretty confident I know what I want in my life and I'm not prepared to be with anyone who doesn't want something similar. I'm an outdoorsy country type, and as my ex found out, I wasn't prepared to stay with him because we just had very different ideas about how we wanted our lives to go.

Its a big part of my personality wanting everything now, its just who I am. Probably a lot of people's worst nightmare but if you want something in life you have to go and get it or run the risk of never having it. Personally, I hate surprises. The actual thought of being proposed to and having no idea makes me feel sick, a wedding in front of loads of people makes me feel sick as well! I cannot bear being the centre of attention, that is partly why no one is allowed to buy me birthday presents (I relented for my 21st but wish I bloody hadn't). I want to get married because I want to be with my OH forever, I don't want the wedding or the surprise or any of that, maybe that's why I'm also so impatient? Get it done and gone and then we're just married, which is the bit I really want...

Honestly if I had it my way I'd be off to a nice city in Europe with OH and a couple friends, get married and let people find out when I got back. Wouldn't invite any family/other friends or even tell them, I think I differ greatly from a large proportion of people in that respect I imagine.