Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

74jax

minerva_windsong wrote: »

No news on my end I'm afraid, and it's all a bit up in the air at the moment. OH is talking about us potentially going travelling together 'before we settle down', ..

Could you suggest getting engaged and celebrating by travelling together?

minerva_windsong

74jax wrote: »

Could you suggest getting engaged and celebrating by travelling together?

I could, but I think I'd want to wait a few months for that, as we've got holidays booked in April and June (the June one coincides with our fifth anniversary as well) and I don't want to pre-empt him if he wants to propose then. If he hasn't done it by the end of the June holiday and we're still in a position where we'd be thinking of going travelling some time this year then I'd probably bring it up.

74jax

minerva_windsong wrote: »

we've got holidays booked in April and June (the June one coincides with our fifth anniversary as well) and I don't want to pre-empt him if he wants to propose then.

ooo good thinking :T

indiepanda

minerva_windsong wrote: »

as well as me worrying about what happens when we come back and have to explain to employers exactly what we've spent the last few months doing

I really wouldn't worry about that. I work for a large audit & consulting firm in London and a significant number in my team have taken career breaks of 6 months or a year and the firm holds jobs open while you travel so you have something to come back to. We wouldn't bat an eyelid if someone came for interview having just taken time out to travel. It would only be an issue if they were forever doing it, just working to raise funds to travel before leaving again.

I would have done by now if I hadn't met my OH and bought a house, and in many respects I wish I'd got my act together and done it before we met. Now with a wedding to pay for and the monthly mortgage payments to cover it feels like it will be a long while before I can save up to travel like that. Besides, my OH is a bit of a homebody and I don't think he'd like being away for that long, and I wouldn't want to leave him.

Daisy-May*

minerva_windsong wrote: »

we've got holidays booked in April and June (the June one coincides with our fifth anniversary as well) and I don't want to pre-empt him if he wants to propose then.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you it sounds like he is trying to put you off the scent!!

jtr2803

Hi All,

Thank you for your kind posts last week and to those who did PM me, it was so lovely to know that people understood and cared.

As expected, nothing further has been said on the issue but that's fine. I am at a real crossroads in our relationship at the moment and fear that the thought of getting married was maybe the only thing that was really keeping the relationship going. Since I have stripped that out and re-evaluated the situation and my feelings I have realised that there are a number of underlying issues and things that cannot continue if we are to embark on a committed future, or at this point, even stay together. For now I am trying to keep the peace as we now only have a week until holiday but I am gathering some inner strength to really have it all out when we return. I don't think he has any idea that I feel this way but his reluctance to commit has actually only served to make me consider my entire future so perhaps it isn't such a bad thing.

I don't know what will happen after holiday, I am trying to think through a number of different scenarios and still have horrid emotional mood swings where I go from thinking we would both be better off out of this relationship to realising that walking away would be so painful that I don't know if I can bare it....sorry this turning into a post that should probably be in the relationship forum :rotfl:

One thing I think I should expand on from my last post is the children & house buying issue, I saw some comments about maybe me compromising too much so thought I would try and explain it a bit better. Four of five years ago if someone had asked me if I wanted to own a home and have more children I probably would have said yes, however, as I have gotten older and lived a fairly selfish lifestyle, I realised that neither of those things are really top of my 'life priority' list, I sit on the fence with both, as in I would be happy either way if that makes sense? What I meant in my post last week was that the decision in those respects had almost been made for me because of the way OH feels about them. There hasn't been a 'we'll talk about it as and when either of them wants it to happen', just more him saying that he doesn't think he could cope with his anxiety over them. I have decided to accept those feelings by continuing with this relationship.

There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past few months, both at work and in my own priorities and expectations which are undoubtedly feeding my current insecurities and doubts. I don't think either of us are doing anything 'wrong' but I have become more and more aware that we are VERY different people with VERY different aims in life and it's just workingout whether those differences are too big for us to work with. Needless to say, either way, marriage won't be on the cards for a while. If we get through this ok then I need to be 100% certain that we are on the same hymn sheet as I know all too well how easy it will be for us to just fall back into 'old habits'. Perhaps having the holiday will give us both an opportunity to appreciate each other again, it's been a while since we even went out together .

Isn't it funny how after nine months of desperately waiting for him to propose.....I actually don't want him to now?

I'll go back to being anonymous now as lots to do and catch up on before we head out next week but I will pop back sometime in April.

xxx

Brighton_belle

Thanks very much for updating us jtr - I really apperciate that and have been thinking about you. Everythng you have written again makes total sense, and I can only wish you well once more and hope things become clearer,during or after the holiday.

squ1rrel5

Thanks for keeping us updated JTR, lovely to hear from you again although it sounds like you've got a lot going on in your head right now.

I really hope that this holiday becomes a turning point for you and OH and you can move on in a much more positive way whatever happens!

Look forward to hearing how you got on when you get back - whatever happens at least make sure you have a fantastic time on your holiday because it sounds like it will be great!! xx

squ1rrel5

So it's exactly 10 years today since I got engaged the last time!!! :rotfl:
I remember it well but I just know that this time round will be so much better!!!!

In a way I'm glad that OH is delaying ..... would have been weird if he'd asked me tonight!!!!
But still just wish he'd just get on with it....a 10 year and 1 day difference to the last one wouldn't bother me........:rotfl:

Daisy-May*

JTR its good to hear from you, I hope you are still ok I did worry about you.

I hope you manage to think through things and work out what you plan to do x

Ps I hope you also have a GREAT holiday!