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Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

edited 8 January 2012 at 2:10PM in Weddings & Anniversaries
2.3K replies 416.4K views
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  • I keep having engagement ring dreams! I had another one last night and can't remember anything about it other than the ring, which was different this time - a plain silver band with a 'normal' diamond in it. I don't remember having any particular feelings about it other than 'it's quite nice' though.

    The OH keeps talking about Malta - things like if we should upgrade the room to one with a jacuzzi or spend the extra money on room service champagne - which keeps making me think he's going to do it there. I'm really trying not to get my hopes up because I know we (well I) need to work on the relationship but the signs seem to be pointing towards a proposal...
    "A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister
    Married my best friend 1st November 2014
    Loose = the opposite of tight (eg "These trousers feel a little loose")
    Lose = the opposite of find/gain (eg "I'm going to lose weight this year")
  • AllySAllyS
    355 posts
    Forumite
    Ooooo how exciting Minerva!!! definately something to look forward to :j

    Nothing happening here, spent yesterday really quite upset, cried again :( to be honest I am totally fed up these days, I am not even sure whether I want to get married anymore, if he is still this scared and unsure this far in to our relationship, after everything we have gone through and the fact we are supposed to be trying for a baby, I am seriously starting to think what is the point!!

    Hopefully you will all understand what I mean!
  • BugglyBBugglyB
    1.1K posts
    Forumite
    Yeah I do Ally, it kind of takes the magic away if its something you had to badger him about doesn't it. I don't know what that film is where he proposes to her by saying 'YOU WIN!'....

    Hugs for you.
  • jtr2803jtr2803
    3.2K posts
    Forumite
    AllyS wrote: »
    Ooooo how exciting Minerva!!! definately something to look forward to :j

    Nothing happening here, spent yesterday really quite upset, cried again :( to be honest I am totally fed up these days, I am not even sure whether I want to get married anymore, if he is still this scared and unsure this far in to our relationship, after everything we have gone through and the fact we are supposed to be trying for a baby, I am seriously starting to think what is the point!!

    Hopefully you will all understand what I mean!

    I feel the same :(

    I woke up this morning and thought that I am supposed to be getting married in exactly a years time - 1st March 2013 and I don't even have a ring on my finger, nothing has been said, no venues looked at, no budget set and I am just really at the end of my tether. It was always 'bad enough' that I felt like I had pretty much asked him anyway, and now here I am AGAIN waiting for him, two months after THE talk and I have no idea what's going on. I felt like texting him today telling him not to bother, if he really felt like I was worth that commitment then he would have done something about it already.

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013 :D
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis :rotfl:
  • squ1rrel5 wrote: »

    I think whats getting to me is the fact that this Friday we are going to see some friends - they have been together for the same length of time as us (although are a few years younger) but I've just got this weird sense that they are going to announce something.
    It's weird but the next few weeks are absolutely choc a block with seeing friends who we've not seen for AGES (6-12 months) plus we have OH's family coming to stay in 4 weeks.
    Every single one of them will ask 'so what's new' and I dont think I can bring myself to say 'nothing' without crying.or getting angry..

    Every time we see our friends they always seem to have something exciting to tell us and I know its selfish and a bit like wanting to be the centre of attention (which is not like me at all) but I just want to flash a nice shiny ring and say well actually THIS is new and I'm mega happy about it!!!

    I know the feeling back in January a lady popped into work with her new (well 4 month old) baby and she asked me "oh so whats new any news?" and all I could say was - no not really, we've talked about getting engaged....well I felt stupid as I felt exactly the same as you squ1rrel5 nothing has changed at all.

    That night I had a chat with my boyfriend then that weekend we went and had a look in a few jewellers when I feel in love with a ring and BF put a deposit down on the ring, but I kinda feel as if my "talk" had something to do with it :(

    Its horrible isnt it when people haven't seen you for ages and they ask whats new and all you can say is nothing.... I can totally understand what you are saying
  • I have been a lurker on this thread since the beginning... I too was going insane waiting for the proposal and thinking I would never get one. So as its leap year I proposed to my bf (whom I met through MSE) and much to my surprise he accepted :)
    Official DFW Nerd number 227
    Proud to be dealing with my debts!!!!
  • edited 2 March 2012 at 9:05AM
    KynthiaKynthia
    5.6K posts
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    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    edited 2 March 2012 at 9:05AM
    I was in the same position as you ladies a couple of years ago. I thought that he must not be sure of me or love me enough, even after 5 years, to marry me. I spent 18 months torturing myself about leaving him and kept giving myself deadlines but then staying. He finally proposed 2 years ago on Valentines day and although it was a underwhelming proposal I felt so relieved then happy and excited. He however then stopped sleeping and got stressed out for the next couple of weeks; I feared a retraction. It turned out he was absolutely terrified of having a wedding!!! It turned out that had been the reason for taking so long to propose.....he thought I knew that!!!!! We talked and made a few compromises about the day and had the best day of our lives. We are now so happy and he loves to watch the DVD and look at photos.

    Now my brother and his girlfriend are at the dame point, no proposal after 6 years. They are younger but it's killing her. She even proposed on Wed and he said no. I think wedding day fears again play a big part as opposed to marriage fears. I'm wondering how common this is and whether talking to your partners about it might help?

    We had only parents and siblings at the ceremony, no stag party, no grooms speech and no church. Once we agreed these he felt slightly less terrified of the day.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
  • AllySAllyS
    355 posts
    Forumite
    I am so glad you all know where I am coming from :D

    JTR - I think your guy is lucky to have you, I would be going mentally insane at the moment, I am not sure how you manage to keep it all together - hugs hun xxxx

    Aww daisy I am sure he is doing it for the right reasons x

    Squirrel - If you need to rant come on here and we will help you through it, hopefully it will help you keep it together.

    I don't understand why people have to ask though, if we had got engaged its not as if they wouldn't notice :rotfl:

    Congrats Miss Cutie Pie - that is great news :j

    Kynthia - For my OH it is not the actual wedding day (altho we can't afford to get married at the moment) we have talked about a wedding day a lot, infact we talk about about it nearly every week and pretty much know what the day is going to be like (makes it harder in some ways), but it is the actual marriage. He ended his last marriage, reasons I won't go into, but he felt that he had no choice and it hurt him a lot, he was so upset and depressed at the time and the guilt he felt (even though he did nothing wrong) was immense. He took a very long time to get over it, I am not sure he still is over it to be honest. I know in his head everything was fine before they got married and the problems only started to happen once they were married and he also says that emotionally he cannot handle getting divorced again.

    I have tried explaining that we can't predict what is going to happen and the last thing I want to do is get divorced, but he just keeps on saying things are great as they are why do I want to change that? I don't even want to get married yet, if we are trying for a baby, I want to wait anyway, at the moment I will be very happy with the promise of a marriage one day, but he says even that scares the life out of him, but then I think obviously he doesn't love me enough if he won't propose and we go around in circles!
  • daisieggdaisiegg
    5.4K posts
    Forumite
    I know I don't belong here anymore but I still read and I do so feel for all of you...

    One thing I will say is, as other people have been saying, men just don't think about it the same as us. After mine proposed on Valentine's Day we were talking about it and it turned out he'd decided he wanted to marry me months and months ago. In my mind - as soon as you've decided, you'd just do it!!! apparently not so, he wanted it to be the right time and place, he wanted to make sure he'd be in a good financial position for the ring and the wedding, etc. But still - all those months of me torturing myself thinking it would never happen and actually he was sure all along. Could be the same with some of your OHs?

    Also, mine is one of the most confident men around - he is definitely the boss in our relationship, he said 'I love you' first all those years ago, he can easily stand up and present in front of 500 people in a work capacity etc.....and yet he said that proposing was one of the scariest things he'd ever done. I know he barely slept a wink the night before it (I thought he was worried about work) and turns out he'd been worrying about it for weeks. Even though he ABSOLUTELY KNEW I would say yes (because like lots of you my hints had been getting more and more blatant!) he was still inexplicably terrified.

    I know it probably won't help but maybe some of your OHs are similar and just need a bit of time. Although when they've already had years it's VERY hard to sit back and give them that time!

    Anyway i will continue to read and follow your stories,a nd my fingers are crossed for all of you. I know EXACTLY how you feel and it's utterly s**t. It won't feel like that forever xxxxxxx
  • rdchickrdchick
    1.7K posts
    Forumite
    aww Daisie nice to see you again.

    I know for me it hasn't been years of waiting as we've only been together a year and a half, I think I have gotten it out of my head that's it's not gonna happen any time soon. I guess for me it's no big deal, not really. I'm 23 and it will happen when it happens. If it doesn't happen by the time I am 25 we will have words but that's another 18 or so months away yet.

    I know that most of you on here have been together for years and years and I can totally see your frustrations, but Daisie might be right, they might have their own plans and ideas :)

    Big hugs and smiles

    xxxx
    Life is too short not to love what you do.
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