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Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

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  • Brightside
    Brightside Posts: 217 Forumite
    I think men do worry, because for all the hints, chats, etc. you may still say no - and no-one wants rejection. And the more they want to be with you, the worse it is to risk that rejection. That's what my H2B told me.

    He proposed to me last christmas but didn't want to do it on a day that is already celebrated, so he decided on the 27th. He finally asked at about 11:45pm after spending a day saying erm, i was just dozing off in bed when he asked. He decided he couldn't spend another day like that and just blurted it out. Of course I said yes, then he spent ages telling me how nervous he'd been, and how he had convinced himself i would say no.

    Sometimes men are far more more worried about these things than they get credit for, I bet there is thread somewhere on another forum full of men agonising how to propose.
    When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle.

    :whistle:
  • AllyS
    AllyS Posts: 359 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Brightside wrote: »
    I bet there is thread somewhere on another forum full of men agonising how to propose.


    I would love to find that forum and tell them to all to just get on with :rotfl:

    My OH I know wants to buy me a really nice ring and I know he doesn't have the money, I told him the other day that he can always buy me a nice one at a later stage in our lives, but I guess men focus on different things than us.


    I think partly with my OH, which is really sweet is that I was the one that he should have married in the first place so it is important to him that I have a nice ring and a nice wedding day, everything that he had with his first wife, but now can't afford. I really don't care about any of that :rotfl:
  • I think it is the wedding that's stopping my OH from proposing, but I don't think it's a fear about the day itself - I think it's that he doesn't see the point in a long engagement, because none of our siblings were engaged for longer than 15 months and three out of the four went from proposal to wedding in a matter of months. Ditto our friends - of the ones that are engaged, it's been 18 months max, and they've all had fairly elaborate weddings. So I think he sees it as 'well if you can do it that quickly then why be engaged for years?'

    The difference being that the three siblings who had shorter engagements all had help to plan for various reasons (living abroad, being on tour in Iraq and having a dad who wanted to do all the legwork), and without wanting to sound ungrateful I want to do the vast majority of it myself. That's not to say I wouldn't accept help if it was offered, and I will be asking some family members to do things (my mum will want to make the stationery and I'll ask my dad's cousin to make my dress), but I want it to be me and OH who sort out venues and registrar stuff and colours and decorations and menus etc. So because of that it might have to take a bit longer in terms of planning, as well as that in an ideal world I'd like a date close to our anniversary or the day we met.

    I'm pretty sure it's not a money thing - I thought it was initially, in that he wanted one or both of us to have a permanent job so we could get a mortgage for a flat and then he'd propose once that was done, but he's openly said that that isn't it (although of course he could be bluffing). We could afford a wedding, albeit mainly due to offers of help from our parents when I'd rather save for it myself and not get in debt, so it isn't that either. So I suppose I just have to leave him to it.
    "A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister
    Married my best friend 1st November 2014
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  • Hi Ladies,

    I last posted on page 10 and have lurked ever since. My OH finally proposed to me after 11.5 years together. I still can't believe it. To echo what daisiegg said he told me that even though he knew I'd say yes, he was terrified! I didn't think he'd have been that bothered at all by it but he was shaking and everything! I hope you all get the commitment you want from your partners- I'll go back to lurking again now but all the best to you all. :)
  • daisiegg
    daisiegg Posts: 5,395 Forumite
    Hi Ladies,

    I last posted on page 10 and have lurked ever since. My OH finally proposed to me after 11.5 years together. I still can't believe it. To echo what daisiegg said he told me that even though he knew I'd say yes, he was terrified! I didn't think he'd have been that bothered at all by it but he was shaking and everything! I hope you all get the commitment you want from your partners- I'll go back to lurking again now but all the best to you all. :)

    Congratulations! 11.5 years, gosh.
  • squ1rrel5
    squ1rrel5 Posts: 784 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    So I was right... I'm at my friends and as I guessed they've just got engaged! Although weirdly even though I predicted it it only happened about 3 hours ago!
    Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!
  • Daisy-May*
    Daisy-May* Posts: 47 Forumite
    edited 2 March 2012 at 10:21PM
    I suppose it must really be hard for men in some ways - getting it right etc as there is alot of pressure as a proposal has been made into something that has to be a big bold statement (by the media etc) but men must think "what if I dont do it right etc"

    God something must be wrong with me - Im reasoning with the fact my OH hasnt propsed to me - he has had over 7.5 years - thats enough time!! lol

    *Edit*

    Aww squ1rrel5 it sucks doesnt it just try not to think about it too much (I know its hard - and I'm a fine one to talk I have wound myself up plenty of times over other peoples good news!) Im sure you time will come soon x
  • jtr2803
    jtr2803 Posts: 3,232 Forumite
    squ1rrel5 wrote: »
    So I was right... I'm at my friends and as I guessed they've just got engaged! Although weirdly even though I predicted it it only happened about 3 hours ago!
    Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!

    Oh bloody hell hun :(, I expect you are a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. Grrrrr @ men in general at the moment, I am annoyed on your behalf :mad:

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013 :D
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis :rotfl:
  • jtr2803
    jtr2803 Posts: 3,232 Forumite
    I think the only thing stopping my OH from proposing is himself really, he either just cannot be bothered, is ignoring how serious it is becoming or the worst of the possibilities is that he just doesn't want to marry me.......the more time that passes the more I tend to believe the third one. I know my OH is an anxious petal so I made it clear that I don't care for a flash proposal or wedding, I don't care who is, or isn't there, I don't care for all the bells and whistles, just us and our closest loved ones there to celebrate. Could I seriously make it any easier?

    Work mate is getting married in May and asked me if I wanted her wedding magazines today, told her just to chuck them as I can't see me needing them any time soon.

    This sucks.

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013 :D
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis :rotfl:
  • jtr2803
    jtr2803 Posts: 3,232 Forumite
    Hi Ladies,

    I last posted on page 10 and have lurked ever since. My OH finally proposed to me after 11.5 years together. I still can't believe it. To echo what daisiegg said he told me that even though he knew I'd say yes, he was terrified! I didn't think he'd have been that bothered at all by it but he was shaking and everything! I hope you all get the commitment you want from your partners- I'll go back to lurking again now but all the best to you all. :)

    I am so pleased to hear you got your proposal, it sounds like you were possibly the most patient person on earth. I hope you have a lovely wedding :beer:
    Daisy-May* wrote: »
    I suppose it must really be hard for men in some ways - getting it right etc as there is alot of pressure as a proposal has been made into something that has to be a big bold statement (by the media etc) but men must think "what if I dont do it right etc"

    God something must be wrong with me - Im reasoning with the fact my OH hasnt propsed to me - he has had over 7.5 years - thats enough time!! lol

    *Edit*

    Aww squ1rrel5 it sucks doesnt it just try not to think about it too much (I know its hard - and I'm a fine one to talk I have wound myself up plenty of times over other peoples good news!) Im sure you time will come soon x

    You sound very sane (unlike me!), I really hope you get your proposal soon, 7.5 years is definitely long enough in my books!

    Did anyone read the Sun today? Lots of marriagey-type stuff in there....

    They did a write up on 5 women who proposed to their OHs in the paper on the 29th, four men said yes and the fifth said yes but I have been cheating on you :eek:, poor, poor girl! What a way to find out and then have to share it with the nation.

    Then in dear Deidre there was a letter from a woman in her thirties who said that her boyfriend has been promising to marry her for three years but keeps backing out. :(

    Very happily married on 10th April 2013 :D
    Spero Meliora
    Trying to find a cure for Maldivesitis :rotfl:
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