Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Brighton_belle

jtr2803 wrote: »

Thanks ladies, I am so glad I can just come on here and rant and people still treat me like I am normal! Yup, and I'd add to that, in my experience it is also normal, if one more person asks you 'but why is marriage so important to you' you have to fight the fantasy of performing an act of extreme violence on them, while maintaining a serene smile:o

I think he knows that OH and I ended up together and part of me doesn't really want to talk to him again as I feel like a moron saying we have been together almost four years as I am sure he will ask if we are getting married and I will have to say no.....................:(

And that's another part of all this isn't it, feeling stiffled and silenced by not being free to live your life as you would choose. It's like the future is a brickwall you can't see the other side of.

verandi

AllyS wrote: »

I have to admit it did make my day just being complimented without going into huge detail it was an even bigger compliment from him

Reading from phone but just had to say, that is clearly Ally-speak for "the mate is well fit" :rotfl:

eleanor73

jtr2803 wrote: »

I wanted to keep this post separate as not to bring down the optimistic nature of the thread at the moment (sorry for being the miserable mare I am going to be....)

I am utterly fed up and at the moment. I know I sound like a stuck record and I am so sorry girls but it's really getting to me now and I am in danger of having a proper toddler style tantrum about it all. I just keep thinking that it's like a year until we are SUPPOSED to be getting married and nothing is organised, or booked or even vaguely discussed and I don't know how we are going to pay deposits or anything anyway, especially with the 2nd holiday coming up, I know OH won't put them on his credit card so I am totally in limbo. I keep trying to focus on the fact it's only just over 4 weeks till Kenya and I guess that's the best chance of him doing anything but it seems so far away.

Three friends/people I know are getting married in May and I am just getting a bit peeved, like it should have been my turn already (I know I am being childish). Going to stop now before I get over emotional..........

Erm this is your thread!! You can be how you like and I totally understand. I feel 100% the same. Part of me can't wait til April is over so I know where I stand and can get on with my life whether it's with him or not. The other part of me is petrified that I will lose him because I love him dearly. I hope you start to feel better. This waiting game is rubbish isn't it?!

Brighton_belle wrote: »

And that's another part of all this isn't it, feeling stiffled and silenced by not being free to live your life as you would choose. It's like the future is a brickwall you can't see the other side of.

Wow-that is exactly how I feel. I saw a card in paperchase (it was an enagement card I think) and it has a quote on it: 'When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible (or straight away)' I can't remember exactly how it goes!! But I will always remember that card as it upset me. It made me think 'Am I not the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with?' as that quote was exactly how I felt.

Daisy-May*

eleanor73 wrote: »

Wow-that is exactly how I feel. I saw a card in paperchase (it was an enagement card I think) and it has a quote on it: 'When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible (or straight away)' I can't remember exactly how it goes!! But I will always remember that card as it upset me. It made me think 'Am I not the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with?' as that quote was exactly how I felt.

I know the feeling my OH keeps saying he would like kids by whatever age etc etc and I keep having to remind him we are 26 this year and if u want kids "around 30" (his exact words!) then he has best pull his finger out otherwise it will not happen as I will not have kids until Im married.

I also hate it when people ask how long we have been together as everyone responds with "wow thats a long time, why arent you married" I then have to pretend Im not really bothered about marriage when I am and then I start to wonder what is wrong with me as I would marry my OH tomorrow but clearly he doesnt feel the same

indiepanda

eleanor73 wrote: »

Wow-that is exactly how I feel. I saw a card in paperchase (it was an enagement card I think) and it has a quote on it: 'When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible (or straight away)' I can't remember exactly how it goes!!

I think that sounds a bit like a quote from When Harry Met Sally, when he turns up at the new year's eve party at the end, although it went:

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"

Of course that came after many years on knowing each other, not liking each other at first, becoming friends, falling out again after sleeping together etc... What I am trying to say is even if someone doesn't feel like that straight away, it doesn't mean they won't get there.

I remember one of my friends from years ago having a boyfriend who was more keen than her to settle down and marry but eventually she realized that he was indeed the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. They've now been married about 17 years now, got two kids, seem very happy.

jtr2803

Thank you all for your kind words.

Without trying to me melodramatic I was on the edge of having a psychotic episode last night, I felt like I was really on the edge due to a number of issues that separately I could cope with but putting them all together was making me quite ill . I know I should probably talk to OH but he is feeling very anxious at the moment about lots of stuff going on at work so I don't think it's fair to dump it all on him.

Part of it was due to a facebook announcement (bloody facebook!). I had a group of friends about 7/8 years ago when I was with my ex and all of them now are in committed relationships (either married or have children or both) and then I had another group of friends from about 4/5 years ago and out of all of them there was one couple, who have been together the same amount of time as me and OH, who were yet to commit and I always knew that when they did I would literally feel like the last one.......last night they announced they are expecting a baby in September, so it really is just me that is a long term relationship with no commitment (and they are 5 years younger than me).

I've watched people meet, get engaged and marry since OH and I got together and some of these people seem to have rocky relationships whereas OH and I have never had a full blown argument, we don't fight or stress each other out (apart from this) and I just don't get it.........

rdchick

I know what you mean jtr

It feels like everyone is having 'big news' and we get left behind, every engagement, marriage, baby is like another blow. (Don't mean to single the newly engaged/married people out here but you know what we mean) I know it will eventually be our turns but deep down we think, 'but will it? and when?' It's hard to keep going without knowing what's around the corner

Big hugs xxx

RainbowDrops

I've already posted way back in this thread, but to recap to the OP - me & OH were together for 7 years before he proposed.
But it had no bearing on our relationship.
We've been as commited and in love all those years as we are right now married.
Yes it's natural to sometimes think, "why can't we get married now?" but there's no rush really if you're commited anyway.
Re-read your first post to remind yourself of how lovely your OH is.

74jax

Daisy-May* wrote: »

.

I also hate it when people ask how long we have been together as everyone responds with "wow thats a long time, why arent you married" I then have to pretend Im not really bothered about marriage when I am and then I start to wonder what is wrong with me as I would marry my OH tomorrow but clearly he doesnt feel the same

You're really brave, I couldn't even do that.

I used to say because he won't marry me, you'll have to ask him why, then fight back tears.

rdchick

74jax wrote: »

You're really brave, I couldn't even do that.

I used to say because he won't marry me, you'll have to ask him why, then fight back tears.

Me too... or 'you'll have to ask him' xxx