very strange situation - swingers?

coolcait

trekgirl wrote: »

...

I know it sounds like a bad soap opera at times...

What would you make of it all?

I think you summed it up yourself at the beginning of your post.

What does your 4ft 10in fiance think? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/44071126#Comment_44071126

Is it something that would be an issue for your shared culture? ("My df and I are second generation immigrants from southern africa")

Or is he likely to be more influenced by his mother's culture? ("My df's mother is from finland however and very laid back")
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/44070188#Comment_44070188

Good luck with the wedding preparations, dance lessons, and dowry and gift list dilemmas.

Amanda65

trekgirl wrote: »

??? who are sue/rita

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita,_Sue_and_Bob_Too

coolcait wrote: »

I think you summed it up yourself at the beginning of your post.

What does your 4ft 10in fiance think? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/44071126#Comment_44071126

Is it something that would be an issue for your shared culture? ("My df and I are second generation immigrants from southern africa")

Or is he likely to be more influenced by his mother's culture? ("My df's mother is from finland however and very laid back")
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/44070188#Comment_44070188

Good luck with the wedding preparations, dance lessons, and dowry and gift list dilemmas.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Gosh what a complicated life some people lead?

If it was me I would have run a mile the minute someone wanted to 'wash my feel like Jesus' , blocked them on my phone and not looked back - but each to their own

relic

Smash the guy in the face with a cricket bat, what a tool!

Seriously though, stay away from these people, you'll end up being a part of some sort of ritual at some point in time!

manda1205

Alikay wrote: »

Bob sounds like a creep, and Betty is wet for putting up with it. All the drippy-hippy talk about "souls in harmony", washing feet and writing songs is just him trying to dress up or justify his perving.

You should count yourself lucky that they've not been in touch :cool:

Errata wrote: »

That both Bob and Betty are loony tunes, but well done if you managed to keep your face straight when he wanted to wash your feet 'like Jesus'.

Bettybigboobs wrote: »

Betty and Bob are Bonkers, keep well out of it the fruit loops! In simple terms you are being groomed into a 3 way gang bang lol !

Thanks to the posts above, I was in tears of laughter reading these.
Why on earth the OP has stayed friends with either of them is beyond me. If it were me (although Id have told Bob where to get off many years ago than to have got this far), Id just put it all behind you and get on with your life. If they do ever contact you again, hide under the stairs and let the phone ring off!

photogifts

I organised a threesome the other night the other 2 didn't show up but i still had a good time


grabs coat for a taxi

piglet74

you havent heard from them in over a year.....why is it bothering you now..


not sure who had the lucky escape....you...or Bob and Betty:undecided

Chillout5892

Trekgirl, how much longer is it going to take for you to learn a few basic life lessons?

'At primary school I had my first 'boyfriend' let's call him Bob - it was all very exciting and we held hands once! Anyway we remained in touch, he asked me to his 'prom' but I was not able to go.' Bob is not going to knock on your door and apologise for not recognising before that is you he really loves, you are eternally linked, he's been tempted by trivial attractions and didn't see the true depth and beauty of your soul, blah blah blah. By the way neither will anyone else who isn't diabolically manipulative.

In fact I think it's highly likely, that's how you found yourself 'In my early 20s I found myself pregnant and in a bad relationship.' I can tell you now, it wasn't the drink, drugs or anything else that turned him from 'he used to be sooo nice' to a git. He was before and knew exactly what he had to say to you to get you exactly where he wanted to have someone. I'm sure you found his pleas for forgiveness and promises of redemption intoxicating or else you wouldn't have found yourself 'Foolishly I got back with my abusive ex and a year or so later I got a job in Paris on a 6 month contract ( my daughter stayed in England with her nan) It was an excellent career opportunity and for a limited time and I would fly home every other weekend.'

Regarding Bob and Betty, 'she and Bob had secretly been married for two years!' means they have an open relationship and they don't care who the other one shags. Their idea of marriage is very different from yours. Not better, not worse, just VERY different. Who knows why they got spliced, it obviously worked for them.

You are going for the romantic 'best day in a girl's life' number, if you've planned bridesmaids I bet it includes the rest of a traditional do. It wasn't important to them for their own wedding, and it's not going to be important now.

Em, in case you haven't twigged yet 'He has filled the whole bedsit with candles. He came with a bowl of water and said he wanted to wash our feet like what Jesus did. ' She's the dominate one in the relationship. She wasn't surprised by his servile attitude, in fact he probably behaved in no less a way than she expected. You were probably too shocked to notice, she wasn't! Ever heard of BDSM? Well you have now.

Lastly, in case you haven't noticed, you may have been in touch with them over a lifetime, but they are not life long friends. I'm not sure they are what you can call friends. Friends don't usually try and manipulate others into adding a bit of extra spice into their bedroom antics and then drop them like a stone when they don't want to play. That's exactly what they did and would be laughing with pity if they saw you post this on this site, primarily concerned about personal financial management, a year later. If nothing else, they are nothing like as sentimental about friendship as you are. You didn't play, you've been crossed off the list and they have moved on to more willing others.

Choose your bridesmaid from current friends or relatives or don't have any at all. It's only an added expense. Be the centre of attention on your own terms for the day and then get on with your new life. Shouldn't a bridesmaid be someone you could trust?

I know I sound a bit irritated, but reading your story and the following explanations and excuses posted to other answers, can't help thinking you need a bit of a blunt answer and maybe do a bit of growing up. I don't think you are as naive or innocent as you make out, but are you more manipulative than you care to admit? Think about it.

Chillout5892

Have to say you guys, I used to be a wonderful full blown flowerchild, awake to the infinite beauty of the universe and all living things, garlanded in flowers, joss sticks in my afro, flying on acid and surrounded in a cloud of weed.

And we never carried on like Betty and Bob. Heavy... We don't 'mess with your head' man. That was not Peace and Love, baby.

Don't malign Hippies. We were lovely.

The_Next_Verse

trekgirl wrote: »

He came with a bowl of water and said he wanted to wash our feet like what Jesus did.

I couldn't breathe for laughing.

I don't know if it is the mental picture, or whether the way you've worded it just adds that little something.

robpw2

There are some very narrowminded comments on this thread , i particualry found the referecnes to cults amusing,
However, i believe there is one of two things going on here, They may be a polyamourous couple meaning they do not believe that relationships have to be between one man and one woman (in there case) but that you can have more then one relationship either sexual or emotional , Bob is obviously very fond of you and betty does not seem to have an issue with this, which is why i think this may be the case.
I think for one it was really sweet that he came to paris to visit you and i would be greatful if someone had done that to me,
Or the other thing is they are just very friendly and feel you need support , you say you had an abusive ex well maybe they were trying to show you that you didnt have to be on your own and life could be better.

either way you need to sit down with them and discuss how you feel , because only they truely know what is going on